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RSN: 57 Unpatriotic Ways the Corp/Dems Have Enthroned Trumputin Print
Wednesday, 04 July 2018 08:28

Wasserman writes: "A revived Democratic party that can effectively oppose Trump demands an exciting collective vision that's worth fighting for."

Alan Dershowitz at a hotel in Kiev, Ukraine, in 2011. (photo: Sergei Chuzavkov/AP)
Alan Dershowitz at a hotel in Kiev, Ukraine, in 2011. (photo: Sergei Chuzavkov/AP)


57 Unpatriotic Ways the Corp/Dems Have Enthroned Trumputin

By Harvey "Sluggo" Wasserman, Reader Supported News

04 July 18

 

s we celebrate our nation’s birth, and organize to once again overthrow an illegitimate tyrant, we might pity Trump’s classic liberal enabler, Al Dershowitz.

The pitiful self-promoting professor is being horribly snubbed by his fellow liberal neighbors on Martha’s Vineyard because he now supports Trump.

The ordeal must be every bit as painful as being separated from one’s children at the Mexican border.

But all whining aside, it should be clear that The Donald’s primary enablers (alongside his mob boss, Vladimir Putin) have been self-proclaimed “liberals” far more important than Dershowitz – namely Nancy Pelosi and her Corporate Democrats.

Their corruption and incompetence got him into the White House in the first place. And he can’t continue to rule without them.

Let’s count a mere 57 of the ways:

1) Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and the Corporate Democrats are nearly all multi-millionaires, locked into the corporate oligarchy;

2) Hillary Clinton lumped all us social democrats into that “basket of deplorables”;

3) While banning young, charismatic, progressive blood from the party, Pelosi (78) is clearly more concerned with her personal retirement than overcoming Trump’s fascist putsch;

4) Like Dershowitz, the Corp/Dem elite is far more comfortable with Trump in the White House than with Bernie Sanders, whose millions of energized social-democratic activists held the key to winning the 2016 election, had Hillary Clinton not trashed them;

5) The Corp/Dem cabal offers no alternative vision (can anyone tell us exactly what the Democratic Party stands for?) pumping out endless fundraising emails complaining about Trump, but providing zero leadership toward a just, diverse, eco-Solartopian world that might sustain a focused, longterm grass-roots movement;

6) As demonstrated by Matt Taibbi and others, the Corp/Dem Party has become a hollow fundraising scam, choosing candidates based on their cash flow, relying on fear of Trump to rake in the dough while failing to effectively oppose him;

7) When Trump attacked Rep. Maxine Waters with racist anti-feminist bigotry, Pelosi said little;

8) But when Maxine promised to fight back, Pelosi attacked HER for being “uncivil”;

9) The Corp/Dems have issued no major public statements of matching intensity denouncing the death threats being leveled at Maxine as they are being encouraged by Trump (“Be careful what you wish for, Max”);

Regarding Putin:

10) Trump’s multiple bankruptcies reflect an infamous lack of business ability, managerial competence, and moral stature;

11) Trump’s core financial base has depended since the 1980s on his money-laundering cash for the Russian mob, as amply documented by Republican investigator David Cay Johnston among others;

12) But the Corp/Dems and mainstream media have almost completely ignored Trump’s mob roots, even as they extend through his New York upbringing and into his ruble-based cash flow;

13) This includes Trump’s being raised by his overtly racist slumlord father Fred, a proud KKK supporter who was memorialized as a vicious bigot by the legendary folk singer Woody Guthrie;

14) As a New York slumlord and shady builder, according to Johnston, Fred Trump was enmeshed with at least two major mob families, without whom he could not have poured concrete or built his hell-hole tenements, a reality studiously ignored by the Corp/Dems;

15) Corp/Dems have ignored the fact that Supreme Court justice Anthony Kennedy’s retirement was hastened by his son’s job as a rare American banker still willing to do business with the perennially bankrupt Donald;

Stolen Elections:

16) While Corp/Dems endlessly obsess on likely collusion between the Trump campaign and Putin, and desperately hang on every snippet from Mueller, they ignore Trump’s Russian mob connections dating back to the 1980s, through which Putin owned him FINANCIALLY, even aside from any blackmail videos or the details of their 2016 mega-fraud;

17) While failing to raise that reality, the Corp/Dems also ignore the fact that no matter what role the Russians may have played in it, the 2016 election was, in fact, stolen by homegrown GOP operatives, cycling back most importantly to 2000 and 2004;

17) Al Gore won the 2000 election by more than 500,000 popular votes nationwide, but has never publicly confronted the fact that he actually “lost” the presidency to Florida Governor Jeb Bush, brother of the candidate Shrub, setting a devastating precedent for Corp/Dem acquiescence to domestically stolen elections;

18) Gov. Jeb used a computer program called ChoicePoint (as revealed by Greg Palast) to strip Florida registration rolls of more than 90,000 citizens, nearly all of them black and Hispanic, in an election allegedly decided by 537 votes;

19) Gore has never publicly faced this massive Jim Crow disenfranchisement, or campaigned to protect the voter rolls in ensuing elections (like the one upcoming in 2018);

20) John Kerry has never publicly faced the stripping of some 300,000 citizens from voter rolls in Ohio, 2004 (where Bush allegedly won by 118,775);

21) Hillary Clinton has never publicly contested the 2016 vote theft perpetrated by Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach, using a CrossCheck program that stripped a million or more voters from the key Electoral College states that put Trump in the White House;

22) In 2000, 2004 and 2016, easily hackable electronic voting machines (as revealed by Bev Harris) helped flip votes from Gore and Kerry to Bush in Florida 2000, Ohio 2004, and elsewhere – and from Clinton to Trump in Wisconsin and Michigan 2016, etc. – with zero protest from the Corp/Dems;

23) These stripped voter rolls and rigged voting machines flipped as many as six US Senate seats in 2014 and 2016, giving Republicans control of the Senate, Supreme Court, etc., with no word from the Corp/Dems;

24) These same machines helped flip a thousand federal, state, and local elections to the GOP during the eight years of the Obama presidency, without a peep from the Corp/Dems;

24) In Florida 2000, Gore filed a limited recount demand when a full-state recount might have made the difference;

25) After Ohio 2004, Kerry’s Corp/Dems did nothing to help a successful federal court filing by Attorney Bob Fitrakis and others for a full state-wide recount (I was a plaintiff in this case);

26) When confronted with a federal court settlement demanding all ballot records from the Ohio 2004 presidential election, 56 of Ohio’s 88 counties claimed their records were (illegally) missing, with no protest from the Corp/Dems (and no criminal prosecution of any kind);

27) When Green candidate Jill Stein won a court decision green-lighting a recount for Michigan 2016, where Trump allegedly won by 10,000 votes, but more than 70,000 came in with no presidential preference (primarily in Detroit and Flint), Hillary Clinton’s lawyers killed that recount, and let Trump walk away with that state’s electoral votes;

28) When Green attorneys, including Fitrakis, found massive irregularities in Wisconsin 2016, including an illegal refusal to make public the source coding for electronic voting machines, Clinton and her Corp/Dems ignored the proceedings and again let Trump walk away with that state’s electoral votes;

29) In addition to Michigan and Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and Florida’s electoral votes could have denied Trump the presidency, but Clinton’s Corp/Dems refused to support any meaningful investigations or legal actions where voter registrations were stripped and electronic ballot flipping was rampant;

30) When the Congressional Black Caucus united in January 2001 in Constitutional opposition to seating Florida’s Electoral College delegation, then-Vice President Al Gore blocked the challenge and strong-armed the Senate into killing any meaningful investigation of how Florida’s electoral votes – and thus the presidency – were stolen;

31) In the 18 years since his winning the popular vote in 2000, Gore has never helped organize, launch or fund (he is a multi-multi-millionaire) an effective public campaign to abolish the Electoral College;

32) Some 200,000 Democrats voted for Bush in Florida 2000, and Gore lost New Hampshire and his home state of Tennessee (either could have given him the presidency) but the Corp/Dems still rant at consumer advocate Ralph Nader for daring to run;

33) Gore repeatedly refused Nader’s invitations to meet during the 2000 campaign;

34) As a US senator, Gore had voted to approve Clarence Thomas to the US Supreme Court, for which Thomas “repaid” him by deciding the infamous 5-4 Bush v. Gore suit that stopped the Florida 2000 recount;

35) Using Dark Money from the Koch Brothers, GOP activists outfoxed the Corp/Dems during 2010’s redistricting process and gerrymandered a structural margin in the Congress and statehouses that the Corp/Dems still may be unable to overcome;

36) In 2018, along with the Corp/Dems’ lack of leadership and vision, the Republicans still have the tools to steal most federal, state and local elections, essentially unopposed;

37) Thanks in part to Gore’s inaction, the Corp/Dems have failed to eliminate the Electoral College, which could guarantee Trumputin’s return to office in 2020;

And at the economic roots:

38) In the mid-1980s, as Trump began laundering Russian mob money, Bill and Hillary Clinton sold the Democratic Party to Goldman Sachs and Wall Street;

38) The Clintons’ “New Democrats” escalated the Drug War, trashed the poor, gutted Wall Street regulations, perpetrated NAFTA, expanded the death penalty, launched a racist attack against rapper Sister Soulja, imposed “three strikes and you’re out,” bombed Yugoslavia over the objections of local nonviolent activists, and more;

39) The Clintons inherited two of history’s hugest financial windfalls – the end of the Cold War and the computer revolution – but rather than pursue social justice, they accelerated the shift of wealth from the general population to the super-rich, whose ranks they soon joined;

40) Through eight years in office, the Clintons failed to enact a single lasting program to benefit America’s working/middle class, helping set the stage for Trump’s fake populism (they did, however, spark a national debate on oral sex);

41) Nearly all Congressional Dems supported George W. Bush’s repressive Patriot Act and his destabilizing attack on Iraq;

42) Despite two full terms in office, except for Obamacare, Barack Obama enacted no major lasting programs to benefit America’s working/middle class, thus accelerating the gap between rich and the rest of us, and further setting the stage for Trump’s fake populism;

43) BY CONTRAST: Facing a massive bank-based financial crisis in 1933, Franklin Roosevelt confronted the banks, won meaningful reforms, and enacted New Deal social programs that built a grassroots Democratic Party base that lasted a generation;

44) Facing a massive bank-based financial crisis in 2009, Barack Obama handed the bankers (who, thanks to the Clintons, now owned the Democratic Party) a fake money bailout in the range of $7,000,000,000,000, demanded no meaningful reforms, massively accelerated the gap between the rich and the rest of us, and enacted (except for Obamacare) no significant programs to aid the American working/middle class, thus prompting the formation of the Tea Party, and paving the way for Trump’s fake populism;

45) While kinda/sorta withdrawing from Iraq, Obama prolonged our worthless war in Afghanistan’s “Graveyard of Empires,” killing thousands and wasting trillions, helping to pave the way for Trump’s fake populism;

46) Primarily to protect the petro-dollar, Obama and Secretary of State Clinton assaulted Libya, slaughtered its Prime Minister, and further destabilized North Africa and the Middle East across to Afghanistan, pushing millions into a mass migration that’s now destabilized much of Europe;

47) As America’s first African-American president, Obama did little for communities of color, heightening economic tensions and paving the way for Trump’s manipulative bigotry;

48) While establishing the Dreamer Program, Obama perpetrated mass deportations, paving the way for Trump’s own horrific assault on the Hispanic community;

49) Constitutional lawyer Obama’s illegal attacks on whistleblowers paved the way for Trump’s repressive apparatus today;

50) Despite his green rhetoric, Obama’s “all of the above” energy policies slowed the transition to a 100% renewable-based Solartopian energy supply that could have provided jobs for millions more Americans while accelerating the fight against climate change;

51) Despite gargantuan losses sustained by the nuke power industry, and its role as a major source for global warming, Obama’s frail support for renewables, and his $8.3 billion guaranteed federal loan to America’s last reactor project – at Vogtle, Georgia – set the foundation for Trump’s “I love coal and nukes” bailouts to come;

52) Obama eventually opposed the Dakota Pipeline, but his sluggish response to the green anti-fossil/nuke resistance slowed the movement against global warming;

53) Obama and Hillary’s support for fracking has made it easy for Trump to do the same;

54) Support for massive nuke bailouts by Corp/Dems like New York governor Andrew Cuomo and Ohio representatives Marcia Fudge, Marcy Kaptur, and Tim Ryan continue to let dying, obsolete, money-losing nuke reactors pollute the planet, warm the atmosphere, and cripple economic growth and job production;

In 2018:

55) Despite continued bitterness over how Bernie Sanders and the millions of (mostly young) social democrats who rallied behind him got shafted, the Corp/Dems continue to resist meaningful reform of the party and nation;

56) Victorious young progressives like New York’s Alexandria Ocasia-Cortez offer hope for a revived Democratic Party run by energetic young social democrats with a blue-green vision and the legs to get there;

57) But nothing real can happen until the corrupt, comatose Clinton-Gore-Kerry-Pelosi-Schumer-Cuomo Corp/Dems wake up or move over.

There is of course much more.

But above all, a revived Democratic party that can effectively oppose Trump demands an exciting collective vision that’s worth fighting for.

In this new century, the Corp/Dems have lost the presidency they legitimately won three times and thrown away a thousand other elected offices. They still have done nothing to confront the stripping of the voter rolls, flipping of electronic voting machines, machinations of the Electoral College. They perform poorly in office and offer zero real vision that might excite an electorate desperate to remove Trump, but lacking a real opposition party with which to do it.

In a world dominated by millionaires and billionaires, where elections have devolved to “One Dollar, One Vote,” the Corp/Dems offer no hope.

So now it’s up to a grassroots movement of rising green social democrats.

To overthrow Trump we must first overcome the old Corp/Dem hacks.

Let’s DO IT!!!



Harvey Wasserman hosts the California Solartopia Show on KPFK-Pacifica Los Angeles 90.7FM and the Green Power & Wellness Show on prn.fm. His America at the Brink of Rebirth: The Life & Death Spiral of US History, from Deganawidah to The Donald is at www.solartopia.org, along with Solartopia! Our Green-Powered Earth.

Reader Supported News is the Publication of Origin for this work. Permission to republish is freely granted with credit and a link back to Reader Supported News.

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Demonizing Children at US and European Borders Print
Wednesday, 04 July 2018 08:22

Turner writes: "The US government's tried to deflect criticism of its family separation policy by presenting children as a threat."

A child migrant from Afghanistan waves from a van as he departs with six others from the emergency shelter for minors in Saint Omer, France, for Britain on October 18, 2016. (photo: Pascal Rossignol/Reuters)
A child migrant from Afghanistan waves from a van as he departs with six others from the emergency shelter for minors in Saint Omer, France, for Britain on October 18, 2016. (photo: Pascal Rossignol/Reuters)


Demonizing Children at US and European Borders

By Lewis Turner, Al Jazeera

04 July 18


The US government's tried to deflect criticism of its family separation policy by presenting children as a threat.

n June 30, thousands marched in 700 cities across the United States to demand the end of the Trump administration's deplorable immigration policies. The protests came after images and audio recordings of small children being separated from their parents and being kept in cages were circulated in the media and caused nation-wide outrage.

As the media storm was picking up, the US government tried hard to push a different narrative. It released photos and footage from one of the detention centres where children are kept, foregrounding teenage boys and rendering girls, younger boys, and toddlers much less visible.

By doing so, the government sought to break down "children" into two categories - those who deserve sympathy and those who do not because, in fact, they are "grown-up" boys. It also sought to deflect the public debate from the issue of human rights and humanity to the issue of national security.

In a June 18 press conference, Kirstjen Nielsen, the US Secretary of Homeland Security, was challenged on the problematic nature of the imagery released by her government. A Politico reporter asked why they were only releasing images of boys; where were the pictures of girls and toddlers? Nielsen obfuscated repeatedly and eventually declared "I'll look into that," before moving on to another question.

This strategy of pushing "threatening" teenage refugees or migrants to the foreground in order to diminish public sympathy is not exclusive to the US government.

In October 2016, a similar kind of imagery was being circulated in the UK media: the pictures of children who had been living informally near the French city of Calais and were entering the UK to join their families. These were again pictures almost exclusively of teenage boys - or "burly lads" as they were called - many from Syria and Afghanistan.

In the anti-immigration press, the images were accompanied by suggestions that these boys were not children at all and that they should be subjected to dental tests to "prove" they were in fact under 18.

While (white) childhood is often seen as a paragon of innocence, non-white teenagers, it has been suggested, could potentially be a threat. We have been invited to read them as independent and intimidating, and not in need of care and protection. Somehow it was the US and UK that needed protection, rather than the children stranded at their borders; the feminised US and UK were threatened by the presence of these hyper-masculinised youths. 

Foregrounding non-white teenage boys in both the US and the UK was employed to justify the separation of children from their families. But it's not just anti-immigrant governments and media outlets that are perpetuating these narratives, which relegate refugee and immigrant teenage boys to a place outside of childhood.

Even humanitarian organisations seem unsure of how to work with non-white teenagers and men. They are often deemed "less vulnerable" and, therefore, less deserving of care and protection.

This idea has affected how some refugee camps have been set up in Greece, for example, where single refugee men and teenage boys are kept separate from families and under heavier police presence. As a result, young boys often experience violence, being victimised by older men, while their requests to be moved to the family sections are denied.  

These practices of separating children from families and keeping teenage boys isolated, both in the US and Europe, are the continuation of long-standing colonial policies. They reflect deeply-ingrained, well-established patterns of politics far older than President Donald Trump's and Prime Minister Theresa May's policies.

In the US, not that long ago, African American and Native American children were being separated from their families as part of slavery and forced assimilation policies. And even under the much-celebrated Obama administration, family separation was also being practised; in 2013, for example, some 72,000 families were torn apart due to deportations.

The UK has a similar colonial legacy. Apart from playing a major role in the slave trade, it also brought tremendous suffering to the Middle East and South Asia through its colonial partition practices which to this day keep many families apart.

More recently, UK immigration policies were on the verge of ripping apart British families as members of the "Windrush generation" were threatened with deportation. While May promised to resolve the issue, other UK citizens are still struggling to bring their families to the country as stringent income requirements prevent them from obtaining visas for their non-EU spouses and children.

In this sense, claiming that Trump's and May's policies are "un-American" or "un-British" is clearly false and they should not be kept separate from their historical and racist context.

And today, as people rightly rush to protest, raise awareness, and gather resources to challenge the separation of families and the incarceration of children and adults for crossing borders, we must stay alert to the damaging narratives being pushed by the government in the US and elsewhere.

We must make sure that it is clear we are standing up for all children, regardless of their gender and age and for all adults, regardless of their race and religion, to be able to cross borders and seek asylum in a safe and dignified way.


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Our Test Is Now Print
Written by <a href="index.php?option=com_comprofiler&task=userProfile&user=40776"><span class="small">Dan Rather, Dan Rather's Facebook Page</span></a>   
Tuesday, 03 July 2018 13:52

Rather writes: “As we approach the Fourth of July, my mind bounces between our uncertain present and the challenges of the past.”

Dan Rather in his office in Manhattan in 2009. (photo: Jennifer S. Altman/NYT)
Dan Rather in his office in Manhattan in 2009. (photo: Jennifer S. Altman/NYT)


Our Test Is Now

By Dan Rather, Dan Rather's Facebook Page

03 July 18

 

s we approach the Fourth of July, my mind bounces between our uncertain present and the challenges of the past.

This is a time to rededicate ourselves to keeping the flame of faith buring...faith in the American ideal, faith in the American people to meet the challenges of troubled times, and faith in the potency of action to make the faith possible in the first place.

We must remember we’ve had good presidents in the past, and some great ones. We’ve also had some bad ones, and some very bad ones. The judgement of history ultimately will leave its mark on our present age. But one thing our history also teaches, a lesson that bears repeating and one for which I have seen ample evidence, is no president is more powerful than the American people.

If you think times are tough and things are hard now--and they are for many people in many ways --brush up on what our fathers and mothers, grandparents and great grandparents went through beginning about a century ago - a devastating world war, the Great Depression, a merciless drought, followed by the desperate years of a second world war fighting Germany, Italy AND Japan in a massive two-front, two ocean conflict, followed in turn by yet another terrible drought, emergence of the Cold War with Russia and a hot war in Korea.

Remember the lynchings and the deadly silence on those who defined love differently. Remember the dismissal of women’s rights and the desperation of those who lived in poverty without any social safety net. I know there is a sense that decades of recent progress are in danger of being erased. But as someone who lived through an America much less inclusive and just than our current time, I feel the battles of the past were not fought in vain.

“Down many times but never out,” has long been the mantra of an American people who have refused to lose faith, and who have refused to lose the nourishment of that imperfect faith of our founding ideals, a faith that is living still, desperate to be reinvigorated.

Do we still have it? Can we still “bring it?”

I, personally, have no doubt that we do and we will. But it’s true that each fresh set of generations is tested anew. Our test is now; are we keepers of the flame or destined to be those who extinguished it?


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Republicans Are Terrified of What Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Started Print
Tuesday, 03 July 2018 13:42

Willis writes: “It took the right-wing pundit class all of four days to decide how it planned to attack Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the 28-year-old Bronx native who won her New York City congressional district's Democratic primary on the strength of some really, really good policy ideas.”

First-time candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who upset veteran Representative Joe Crowley in a Democratic congressional primary. (photo: M. Stan Reaves/REX/Shutterstock/M. Stan Reaves/REX/Shutterstock)
First-time candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who upset veteran Representative Joe Crowley in a Democratic congressional primary. (photo: M. Stan Reaves/REX/Shutterstock/M. Stan Reaves/REX/Shutterstock)


Republicans Are Terrified of What Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Started

By Jay Willis, GQ

03 July 18

 

t took the right-wing pundit class all of four days to decide how it planned to attack Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the 28-year-old Bronx native who won her New York City congressional district's Democratic primary on the strength of some really, really good policy ideas. Their chosen approach, however, might be characterized as a novel one. You should know, says this basic-cable talking head, that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez—and this is a Certified Politics Bombshell, so please make sure you're in a place where you can audibly gasp—grew up in a house.

Look at this dwelling! Feast your eyes on the scale of its opulence! Why, it has a roof, and trees, and several windows! Its walls completely enclose the living area so as to protect its habitants from the elements! By golly, I bet if you were granted access to the home's interior, you might even find a refrigerator in which Ocasio-Cortez's family could store perishable food for consumption several days beyond its purchase date! How, he might ask, can someone be poor if they also eat food?

Set aside, for a moment, the fact that Ocasio-Cortez attended Boston University, which is neither "Ivy League" nor "Brown University." (Set aside, too, how creepy it is to post on social media a Google Street View image of whatever now exists at the site of someone's former home as a gotcha argument.) Cardillo's implicit assertion is that because a cherry-picked aspect of her childhood does not comport with his lazy, pernicious stereotypes about the lives of working-class people of color, she must therefore be an inauthentic liar.

The candidate responded, in order, by correcting his mistakes and putting him in a blender.

Her first point is the sicker burn, but her second one is what will matter in November. Cardillo, a Queens native and former Bronx police officer, won't address Ocasio-Cortez's "radical" socialist agenda on the merits because he understands that Ocasio-Cortez's "radical" socialist agenda is popular enough to win elections: With neither political experience nor big-donor money to her name, she unseated a ten-term incumbent by outlining a bold vision for this country in which those who live in it can lead fuller and more dignified lives. This terrifies him. And so, instead of staking out the absurd position that things like "women's rights," "housing as a human right," and "supporting seniors" must be bad—seriously, no one in conservative media tells on themselves more willingly than Sean Hannity—Cardillo abandoned good-faith criticism altogether. It went about as well as you'd expect.

Ocasio-Cortez is the first to admit that her platform isn't likely to be adopted wholesale by the national Democratic Party in the immediate future. But oftentimes, the surest sign of a viable political strategy is the extent to which its successful deployment makes your opponents nervous. If they want to have any hope of slowing the movement of which she is now the most prominent member, Cardillo and his peers will need to come up with a better plan in a hurry. Dumb tweets about a house aren't going to cut it.


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Print
Written by <a href="index.php?option=com_comprofiler&task=userProfile&user=47905"><span class="small">Garrison Keillor, Garrison Keillor's Website</span></a>   
Tuesday, 03 July 2018 11:38

Keillor writes: “I was in Vienna with my wife and daughter last week and walked around the grand boulevards and plazas surrounded by imperial Habsburg grandeur feeling senselessly happy for reasons not quite clear to me but they didn’t involve alcohol.”

Garrison Keillor. (photo: WPR)
Garrison Keillor. (photo: WPR)


What I Saw in Vienna That the Others Didn’t

By Garrison Keillor, Garrison Keillor's Website

03 July 18

 

was in Vienna with my wife and daughter last week and walked around the grand boulevards and plazas surrounded by imperial Habsburg grandeur feeling senselessly happy for reasons not quite clear to me but they didn’t involve alcohol. Nor paintings and statuary purchased with the sweat of working men and women. Nor the fact that to read about the daily insanity of Mr. Bluster I would need to learn German.

The sun was shining though the forecast had been for showers. I was holding hands with two women I love. There was excellent coffee in the vicinity, one had only to take deep breaths. Every other doorway seemed to be a Konditorei with a window full of cakes, tarts, pastries of all sizes and descriptions, a carnival of whipped cream and frosting, nuts and fruit. A person could easily gain fifty pounds in a single day and need to be hauled away in a wheelbarrow.

What makes me happy in a foreign city, though, is the fact that, surrounded by so much that is unfamiliar, the familiar leaps out at you. The pastries reminded me of my Aunt Elsie, the best baker in the family, and the perfection that she put before us at Sunday dinner. The horses hitched to the carriage waiting to carry tourists along the boulevards made me think of Uncle Jim who was farming with horses into my childhood and who took me haying with him and hoisted me up onto Prince when I was six, my face pressed to his black mane, arms around his powerful neck. Uncle Jim said he couldn’t afford a tractor, which maybe was true, but he loved his horses, and I felt privileged to help him bring in hay. And the Habsburg grandeur reminded me of the grandest office I ever had, which I occupied for a couple years while working at the easiest and most pointless job I ever had.

It came with a title, “Public Affairs Director,” and the office had a fourteen-foot ceiling and a view of manicured lawn and a building with white Greek columns; it was a featherbed, a sinecure, a well-paid full-time job I could manage in about ten hours per week, and after a few years I had the good sense to quit and find a small dim office and a sixty-hour job that lit the fires of ambition.

The lesson that year was: stay awake. Fifty years have passed and it sticks with me.

The Habsburgs imagined that the majesty of their palaces meant they were smart, even invincible. They also imagined that marriage to close relatives would make them even smarter. So when their archduke was assassinated by a Serb, they declared war on Serbia, and Russia came in on Serbia’s side, and Germany on the Habsburgs’ and soon everyone was in, and the Austrians put on their pointy helmets and mounted their horses and rode nobly into battle against powerful artillery and aircraft and thus were crepusculated, which so embittered Corporal Hitler that he set out to do it all over again. Between the Habsburgs and the Fuehrer, the 20th century was soaked with blood. This is the footnote to the grandeur of Vienna: beware of gold ceilings and marble floors and people who love to put on military parades.

It’s much cheerier to have a piece of apple strudel and remember my favorite aunt. She grew up motherless in a stringent Calvinist home during the Depression and against the odds, she retained a girlish sense of delight to the end of her days and she expressed that delight through her affection for family and love of stories and jokes and also with frosting and angel food.

On our last day in Vienna, my ladies and I sat in the Café Mozart, behind the opera house, near an old Habsburg palace, and enjoyed a plate of sausages, not the wurst I ever had, and coffee after coffee, and apple strudel mit Schlag, lots of Schlag, and more coffee, and then, in honor of Aunt Elsie, a slab of chocolate cake with white frosting and a mound of gelato beside. It violated all standards of moderation but we did it unanimously and felt delighted.

Grandeur is as grandeur does. Let other tourists peer up at the ceilings, listening to a guide, and I will experience Vienna my own way, thinking of my cheery aunt who defeated glumness and severity by creating extravagant desserts.


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