Two items today; both of them leaving me rolling on the floor laughing at the irony. If it weren’t so damned serious, it would be a sitcom.

The first is one is a case in Utah which was featured in a Harper’s Magazine story in the most recent Christmas issue. One of the stories told in that article was about Walter Keane, the attorney in the now infamous Harvey v. Garbett. You might remember that one. Walter was the guy who proclaimed he was the tick on the ball sac of the banking industry. Delightful allegory.

Walter Keane managed to get a default judgment against Garbett in a quiet title action. Harvey immediately sold the place and moved on. The only problem is, ol’ Walter messed up in his pleadings and the bank came back to undo the quiet title. The new owners got wrapped up in the process because now, it seems, they bought nothing because Harvey didn’t have the right to sell the place.

Oh, my it is a mess. But here is the funny part. MERS is involved in the suit and because of the convoluted nature of process, MERS ended up having to sue themselves in trying to untangle the mess they were instrumental in creating.

Now here is a question for you. Whenever MERS has a court victory, their PR department cranks up the trumpets and declares to all the inhabitants of the land that their position and viability has been upheld. They are always strangely silent when they lose. In this particular case, no matter which way the court rules, even if they lose, they win. I can’t wait to hear the PR department’s breathless excitement as they proclaim victory ... potentially in their loss.

The second item is in Nevada where LPS is counter suing Attorney General Catherine Cortez Masto for violating their due process rights in prosecuting LPS for document fraud and due process fraud in all the foreclosures in Nevada. This is like children squabbling. Mommy, mommy ... Billy hit me! Billy, why did you hit LPS? Because he was beating the shit out of me for the last five years and I finally got tired of it and hit him back. It wasn’t really a hit so much as it was a glancing blow but to listen to LPS, you would think blood was gushing from their splattered noses.

In the movie “So Fine” a 1981 film starring Ryan O’Neill and Richard Kiel (“Jaws” of James Bond fame), Kiel plays “Eddie”, the most prominent gangster in town. There is a running gag throughout the movie about how Eddie is exempt from the law. It even gets to the point where Eddie parks on the street in front of a fire hydrant where there is a sign prominently declaring NO PARKING (except Eddie).

Welcome to your new world, ladies and gentlemen. This new world you live in has very strict rules you must obey or you will pay the price. Strict compliance with the law required by all participants, don’t you know. Except for Eddie. No filing false documents in court proceedings, except for Eddie. No hiding assets from a bankruptcy judge ... except for Eddie. None of that is allowed for anyone. No lying and cheating and violation of due process, blind justice for all … except for Eddie.

I just have one question for you. Why isn’t this funny?