I had an NDE (Near Death Experience)! In 2010, due to rain, my right foot went out from under me, and I fell. With my full body weight, I landed on concrete, with the back of my head taking the brunt of the fall! I was only unconscious for a few seconds, if even that, but when I was in the ambulance I had a mental "ride" along with the ride in the ambulance to the hospital!

I "saw" my brain "re-booting" before my eyes! It was like a rocket propelled, slot machine was showing a zoomed up montage in front of my eyes. Luckily, in the ambulance, the EMTs gave me a plastic pail as soon as I asked for it,(rather than insisting first that I sign a waiver that cleared them of any responsibility should I have allergies to plastic, etc. lol) I proceeded to raise up slightly in order to facilitate the vomiting that was the result of the vertiginous visualizations I experienced.

After a few hours, and after an MRI and an intra-venous solution pumped into me, I was finally able to urinate and defecate, and I was released. I was warned, though, to wait at least 24 hours, so that a concussion, etc., could be ruled out, before I flew cross oountry (from the West coast to the east coast: from San Diego to Newark, NJ.)

Since that day in November, 2010,I have been so grateful to be alive and I am especially grateful for my hard skull! lol However, since then I also refuse to waste any time anymore pleasing others, because such a close call made me realize that I really need to live for, and please just myself, as long as I can go about it, without PHYSICALLY harming anyone! My new "world view may be "judged" as selfishness, AND I COULD CARE LESS! lol

You see, that NDE released me from any and all emotional defensiveness! Now I only spend my time on the priorities that mean a lot to me, and my priorities have zero to do with pleasing others. For instance, I even refuse to be socially "tolerant"! I will speak my mind and if others find fault, I chalk that off to their really finding fault with themselves! I now see all criticism of me as projection on their part. lol

Maybe that fall made some parts of my brain even function better, because I have stopped being a social "door mat". I have stopped trying to please others all the time. I finally have the self validity I need to please myself, again with the awareness of making sure my conduct, behavior, etc., is free from harming others.

My NDE has made me more spontaneous, so that I can live in the present and I now waste little, if any, time now on worries about the future and/or regrets about the past. I am so present oriented now that I even hate to ask or answer questions! For instance since my NDE, when someone, anyone, in fact, asks me a question, any question at all, even "How are you?", unless they are a good friend, I often answer "I hate questions!" lol I guess my NDE has made me "allergic" to questions! lol

Since my NDE, I have been able to catch up on much needed sleep! It is almost a voluntary coma that I an "in". Since my NDE, sleep is my "drug" of choice. I prefer sleep, ALMOST more than eating! Perhaps I'm even sleeping now, even when I am writing, because maybe there is a hologram "ME" that is writing this, maybe the real me is in my bedroom sleeping. lol

Also, since my NDE, I have learned to avoid taking language, especially fault finding criticism, etc., namely what I hear from others and what I "tell" myself, too seriously. I prefer almost absolute freedom of speech now, since my NDE. Of course I will avoid unreasonably yelling "Fire!" etc. If others take offense at something I say, it is their problemo! Taking language to heart, too seriously, etc., may have been what was always limiting and "stunting" me emotionally before my NDE.

Perhaps before my NDE I was repressed and I may have unreasonably restricted my speech. Maybe my NDE has released me from excessive self control. Perhaps my NDE helped me to regain my lost consciousness and my lost self validity. Due to my NDE I am now interested in researching the effects that NDE's have on others.

For instance, I want to investigate whether instead of owning
language, language owns us! Perhaps, due to language we
BELIEVE that we have an identity, or many identities, when we need to
transcend that belief of having and owning any identity at all. Perhaps my NDE WAS the transcendent experience that helped me become aware that having or BEING consciousness in the present living in the present, the now, is more fulfilling than ANY identity that is socially constructed!