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writing for godot

Joint US-EU Commission to Improve Health by Enforcing Proper Physical Training (satire)

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Written by Heidi Stevenson   
Thursday, 19 May 2011 23:19


In an exciting joint announcement, a new battle in the fight to bring optimal health to the people was announced today by Health and Human Services Secretary, Kathleen Sibelius, and the UK's Secretary of State for Health, Andrew Lansley. A new intergovernmental US-UK commission, Body Improvement Generation: Physical Activity Risk Modalities Assessment (BIG:PhARMA), has been established to define regulations for proper physical activities. As Sibelius stated:

"The success of the EU's THMPD [Traditional Herbal Medicinal Products Directive] has shown the way forward to assure that each citizen is exposed only to safe and effective methods of achieving physical fitness."

Lansley continued:

"We are very excited to announce that our two governments take seriously the health and safety of each and every citizen. To that end, BIG:PhARMA is tasked with defining optimal levels of fitness and acceptable methods of achieving them. The public will no longer need to be concerned about whether products and physical activities are effective or safe. The new commission, using only science-based evidence, will set the standards that all exercise products must meet, along with the optimal health status for each person."

Each country will task an agency with authority to implement the guidelines defined by BIGPhARMA. In the US, it will be the CDC, and the MHRA will manage the UK's implementation. The CDC's Director, Thomas R. Frieden, says that the agency welcomes the task, saying:

"It's heartening to know that our government cares enough about the people to assure that optimal fitness is achieved by each and every citizen. To that end, we will be zealous in implementing the guidelines. Every person in the United States is, I am certain, looking forward to the day when they can be assured of only safe products for exercise and rules imposed by every doctor to make sure that everyone achieves the correct amount of exercise and does it in the proper and safe manner."

The Chief Executive of the UK's Medicines and Healthcare Regulatory Agency, Professor Kent Woods, announced his pleasure in the agency's new task, saying that they will address it with the same fervor they've applied to the Traditional Herbal Medicinal Products Directive:

"We will bring the same zeal to regulating products for BIG:PhARMA that we have for the THMPD. As is so obvious to us all now, herbal medicines are drugs, and should be regulated as drugs. For exactly the same reasons, exercise and exercise equipment are also drugs. They can interfere with the action of pharmaceutical drugs and they carry significant risks. We look forward to the task of authorizing exercise products for direct sale to the public, and fully support doctor-controlled access to all other exercise products."

BIG:PhARMA, while not carrying the full weight of law, will be fully implemented because it was created by a treaty of the two states. Though its purpose is the health and safety of citizens, it will be rigidly enforced by international trade laws. To that end, it's anticipated that most citizens will gladly follow the regulations by doing the prescribed exercises using only properly listed equipment. For those few who refuse to abide by rules designed for their benefit, who either over- or under- exercise, or for any reason fail to meet, or exceed, established standards of fitness, there will be strict enforcement. Penalties will start with fines, but repeat offenders can expect to be sentenced to time in prison.

Of course, implementing such a sweeping treaty, no matter how good the intentions, can result in some confusion and difficulties. For example, the original logo design that incorporated a silhouette of a running man, as shown above, had to be scrapped when it was realized that running will be banned for its known potential to cause shin splints, and in some cases even leads to broken legs. Therefore, a committee has been set up to produce a new design. It's hoped that the combination flag, with the EU's circular stars replacing the states' stars in the US flag, can be maintained.

Another recognized concern that the EU and US must address is the Olympics. Members of BIG:PhARMA have noted that the health of Olympics contenders is at severe risk from injuries and over-exercising. Therefore, both intend to withdraw from the competitions. While they recognize that this will be a blow to the Olympics hopefuls, they trust that the contestants will appreciate that their welfare is the uppermost consideration.

It is, of course, expected that some "nutcases", as Sibelius described them, will protest BIG:PhARMA, just as they have the THMPD and vitamins-supplements directive in the EU and the FDA-USDA actions against public threats, such as raw milk, natural medicines, and organic foods. However, both Sibelius and Woods agreed that their new protests will be no more effective now than their THMPD protests. As Kent stated:

"Though I'm not inclined to use the term nutcase, as my Colleague, Ms. Sibelius, stated, there can be no doubt that the time is rapidly approaching when we can no longer accept such irresponsible and radical ideas. I have advised the Prime Minister that it's time to pass new laws to criminalize them. They are, after all, already demonstrating their scofflaw status and abject lack of concern for the rule of evidence-based medicine supported by pharmaceutical science."

**A Farce?**

Does this sound like a farce? It shouldn't. The equivalent has just been acted out by both the US and EU over the last several years. Codex Alimentarius is equivalent to Body Improvement Generation: Physical Activity Risk Modalities Assessment (BIG:PhARMA). The reasons for their rules and regulations, the means of enforcement, and the reasons and beneficiaries are identical:


-- The health and safety of every person are claimed as the goals.

-- The methods are the same: making all things illegal unless they've been declared legal.

-- Science is declared to be irrefutable, but no distinction is made between legitimate, independently financed and published science and the travesty that now passes for medical science.

-- Those who disagree are criminalized.

-- The real beneficiaries of the scheme are Big Pharma, related corporations, and Big Medicine. Their competition is eliminated. New markets, exclusively for them--such as medicinal herbs, vitamins, or as in this scenario, exercise equipment--are created for them.

We have just seen the THMPD forced down our throats. Where does it end? Natural approaches to health are under attack--and a freedom more basic than the right to free speech, the right to self-determination in managing health, is being stolen.

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Article original at http://tinyurl.com/5w4vxty.
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