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Borowitz writes: "Three men alleged to be prominent Russian spies inexplicably gained access to the Oval Office last week and held a high-level meeting there, according to reports."

President Trump meets with Russian foreign minister Sergei Lavrov (l.) and Russian ambassador to the U.S. Sergey Kislyak (r.) at the White House on Wednesday. (photo: Alexander Shcherbak/TASS/Getty Images)
President Trump meets with Russian foreign minister Sergei Lavrov (l.) and Russian ambassador to the U.S. Sergey Kislyak (r.) at the White House on Wednesday. (photo: Alexander Shcherbak/TASS/Getty Images)


Three Russian Spies Meet in the Oval Office

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

16 May 17

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

hree men alleged to be prominent Russian spies inexplicably gained access to the Oval Office last week and held a high-level meeting there, according to reports.

Eyewitnesses to the meeting said that the three Russian agents spoke at length and shared sensitive intelligence material, at times laughing uproariously.

After approximately an hour, the meeting broke up, with two of the spies leaving the Oval Office and the third remaining behind.

News that agents of the Russian Federation had somehow eluded the Secret Service in order to hold a meeting in the Oval Office sent shock waves through Washington on Monday evening.

“The fact that three well-known Russian agents were able to hold a meeting in the Oval Office suggests that something has seriously broken down,” Harland Dorrinson, a national-security official who served in the Reagan and Bush Administrations, said. “None of these three men should be anywhere near the White House.”

On Capitol Hill, House Speaker Paul Ryan called the meeting of the three Russian spies at the White House “a tempest in a teapot” and “much ado about nothing,” before adding, off-microphone, “I am screwed. I am so screwed.”

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+55 # grandlakeguy 2017-05-16 14:15
But Andy...THIS IS NOT SATIRE!
 
 
+39 # MikeAF48 2017-05-16 14:32
Where is the other two branches of government when you need them?
 
 
+24 # Farafalla 2017-05-16 23:12
The US government is firmly in the grip of the right wing party called the GOP, which also controls the Supreme Court. They have never had it this good. They will not relinquish this moment where Paul Ryan's wet dream of an Ayn Rand 'Murice becomes the norm. Mitch McConnell gets to bring coal back, Trey Goudy to lead the FBI, Scott Pruitt dismantles the EPA, Congress kills the aenemic Dodd-Frank, goodbye consumer protections, gerrymanders forever, voter suppression will be in the Constitution. They have enough state houses to railroad a constitutional convention that would impose a balanced budget and an end to entitlements.

You think the GOP is going to let go of this moment? No. Do we need RSN? Fuck yesssss. Pay up y'all. There's no such thing as a free lunch.
 
 
+12 # pmargaret7 2017-05-16 23:52
This makes me think that Trump wants to be impeached or "let go" somehow! Can he really be this crazily careless? (rhetorical question!) Either that or he and/or Russia has "something" on a lot of our politicians who will never say die (no matter how much we would like them to)! Is it too much to ask that this horrendous blunder of Drumph as POTUS may actually be over? 4 months too late, but better late than never! Come on you Repugs - get that pump 'primed' and start flushing away the stupid!
 
 
+8 # Salus Populi 2017-05-17 00:07
The ROOSHUNS are coming! The ROOSHUNS are coming!!

Where, for that matter, is J. Edgar Hoover when you need her?!
 
 
0 # ericlipps 2017-05-17 17:38
Quoting Salus Populi:
The ROOSHUNS are coming! The ROOSHUNS are coming!!

Where, for that matter, is J. Edgar Hoover when you need her?!

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that it was a President Hillary Clinton who was in this situation. Would you be so dismnissive of it then?
 
 
0 # Salus Populi 2017-05-19 19:26
I'd be astonished if it were Hillary, because she is more or less committed to the neo-con project of fomenting regime change in the Kremlin. IMO, the entire "Trump is a puppet of Putin" meme is simply a means of bringing down a loose cannon who has in the past supported the idea that we can "get along" with Russia.

Since the entire U.S. MIIC is devoted to destroying the Russian "menace" and putting a U.S. puppet in power in Moscow, anything at all will do to fan the hysteria, including the idiocy, as Borowitz recognizes with this satirical piece, of attacking the idea that a high level member of a foreign government, meeting with the U.S. president, might want to film the occasion. "The Russians Are Coming" was a satirical film produced during the Cold War that poked fun at the anti-Russian hysteria of that time. It seemed appropriate to remember it for the mindless crap and propaganda of this age.

If it *were* Hillary, I doubt that the mainscream whoreporate tedia would be wringing its collective hands over it, but I would be equally dismissive of any hysteria that was produced.

It is the U.S. that has been consistently the aggressor against Russia since 2013, not the other way around. Neither Canada nor Mexico has had its elected government overthrown by a communist-led, Russia- or China-supported coup. Ukraine, on the other hand, had its elected government overthrown by a neo-Nazi led, U.S. supported one.
 
 
+7 # Time Traveller 2017-05-17 09:53
Well, Salus clearly Comey hadn't accumulated enough dirt on the Idiot Child to protect him, like Hoover and his Bulletproof Girdle.

But you can bet your sweet bippy that the Rooshuns have enough dirt on Dump to sink his little battleship!
 
 
+7 # bardphile 2017-05-17 10:08
Best ever, Andy.
 
 
+1 # tr4302@gmail.com 2017-05-17 11:10
Is this George W Bush, Nixon, or just another right winger from the GOP? Where in the swamp did they come from?
 
 
0 # CurtW 2017-05-17 17:09
Instead: 'Two Russian Spies and One Polezni Durak.'
 
 
+6 # dusty 2017-05-17 17:43
The really funniest thing about this is that somehow Russia is accepted as the left as well as the right as an enemy of the US. We collaborated with the USSR to defeat the NAZIS at a far greater cost to them than us. As far as I can remember the only US plane shot down by the USSR was a U2 spy plane and Russia as far as I know hasn't sunk US ships, shot our troops, Shot down our airplanes, so where is this enemy stuff come from? Maybe we don't like the fact that they don't recognize the US as the hegemony leader of the world and contest for leadership and why shouldn't they? If they had Trump as their president then I would worry about world safety.
 

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