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Borowitz writes: "The Supreme Court's decision to preserve Obamacare subsidies has drawn sharp rebukes from Republican Presidential hopefuls, who warn that the victory for health care might eventually pave the way for similar advances in education and the environment."

United States Supreme Court. (photo: Roger L. Wollenberg/Bloomberg/Getty)
United States Supreme Court. (photo: Roger L. Wollenberg/Bloomberg/Getty)


Republicans Fear Victory for Health Care Could Pave Way for Education, Environment

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

26 June 15

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."


he Supreme Court’s decision to preserve Obamacare subsidies has drawn sharp rebukes from Republican Presidential hopefuls, who warn that the victory for health care might eventually pave the way for similar advances in education and the environment.

“The Supreme Court has decided, apparently, that every American should have access to quality health care,” said Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas). “What if it decided to say the same thing about education? I don’t mean to be an alarmist but, after today, I believe that anything is possible.”

Senator Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) also blasted the Court, telling reporters that “a government that protects health care is one small, dangerous step away from protecting the environment.”

“The nightmare that I have long feared is now suddenly upon us,” Paul said. “Mark my words, we are on a slippery slope toward clean air and water.”

On the campaign trail in Iowa, the former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee raised another doomsday scenario, telling his audience, “If the Court thinks people should be allowed to see a doctor when they want, they probably also think that people should be able to marry anyone they want. My friends, that is not what God intended when He created America.”

Speaking from New York, candidate Donald Trump offered his own scathing critique of the Supreme Court. “You look at them in their robes, and you say, ‘Those robes look freaking cheap,’ ” he said. “When I’m President, we’re getting more expensive robes.”

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+75 # CL38 2015-06-26 19:31
A week to finally celebrate victories that restore a bit of sanity to our country.

CONGRATULATIONS to all who worked long and hard for both unexpected Supreme Court decisions!

On another note, It was great to see Obama break out into "Amazing Grace" and show more of who he really is. Great to see him let loose .... and no longer feel constrained to keep his black roots under wraps!

If he continues, gop heads WILL truly explode ....and perhaps, even transform his Presidency.
 
 
+29 # pagrad 2015-06-27 06:34
Does the article mean to imply that the American society may develop to the stage of the advanced nations of Europe, who have free Health Care, Free Education and other social advancements? That’s hardly likely. American folks have been brainwashed by their keepers to be subservient to the upper 1%.
It will take another century.
 
 
+13 # ritawalpoleague 2015-06-27 09:47
May not "...take another century.", if Bernie Sanders (the same Independent, non-bought off pol. who has been a true people vs. self server for 30 plus years) gets the Dem. nomination, and is elected in '16, the "...brainwashed by their keepers to be subservient to the upper 1%" will change meaningfully.

The approx. 6,000 supporters of Bernie, who cheeringly came to the Denver team meeting exactly a week ago (6/20/15) crave, with millions of other U.S. citizens, real McCoy change, as seen in the Sanders 12 Point Plan (pull it up, it's a ray of real McCoy hope). And, an ocean of hope it was what happened when Bernie strongly praised Pope Francis, and every single one of the massive number of attendees who were seated, stood and cheered with great gusto.

Yep, a bit of sanity is now in place, with some sort of revolution pending. Let's all work to give Bernie's 'political revolution' a try, via doing what it takes to get him nominated then elected. Peaceful revolution is preferable to nearly all of us, who recognize what a 'corruptcracy' this POLICE STATE AIN'T GREAT country has become. Time it is, and then some, to copy EU countries that are far superior to this so broken country of ours, which is now no way a democracy, with Constitution quashed and rule of law in the toilet.

Wake up folks, and support Bernie Sanders, cause.....

SANDERS PANDERS NOT, TO THE 1%
 
 
+8 # bmiluski 2015-06-27 16:01
Just because you become president you can't do/get whatever you want. You have the "lets sabotage any democrat presidency and the country" republicans to deal with.
 
 
+3 # Luckyenough 2015-06-28 13:47
And just saw an article on RSN saying that by the year 2030 (only 15 years!) Europe will be generating 50% of its electricity from renewable sources. The US is appallingly behind the rest of the civilized world in so many ways
 
 
-90 # egbegb 2015-06-26 22:04
Wrong. We fear SCOTUScare will drag America into a 3x cost overrun versus the rest of the world. It is well on the way to doing that. Everyone's costs have gone up, we couldn't keep or doctors and we couldn't keep our healthcare insurance. Because 90% of America can't be bothered we are all getting screwed by SCOTUScare. Roberts is a political hack and he knows it.
 
 
+64 # tedrey 2015-06-26 22:25
It's not that 90% of Americans can't be bothered, egbegb, it's that 90% of Americans disagree with you about it.
 
 
+43 # CL38 2015-06-26 23:59
The gop put roberts on the court to impose backass views on the rest of us. I've hated most of his decisions but celebrate the few that respect people's rights over religious 'freedom'
( fundamentalism) .

You think he's hack when he decides, as he should, for people's individual rights over the gop agenda.
 
 
+16 # wrknight 2015-06-27 05:24
Quoting egbegb:
Wrong. We fear SCOTUScare will drag America into a 3x cost overrun versus the rest of the world. It is well on the way to doing that. Everyone's costs have gone up, we couldn't keep or doctors and we couldn't keep our healthcare insurance. Because 90% of America can't be bothered we are all getting screwed by SCOTUScare. Roberts is a political hack and he knows it.

Ignorance is bliss.
 
 
+12 # reiverpacific 2015-06-27 11:21
Quoting egbegb:
Wrong. We fear SCOTUScare will drag America into a 3x cost overrun versus the rest of the world. It is well on the way to doing that. Everyone's costs have gone up, we couldn't keep or doctors and we couldn't keep our healthcare insurance. Because 90% of America can't be bothered we are all getting screwed by SCOTUScare. Roberts is a political hack and he knows it.

"We couldn't keep our Doctors"
What the fuck d'you mean by that? Explain or back it up.
The entire US Health, Don't Care, Non-System is CRIMINAL, backward and for massive profit of the elites, big Pharma, Insurance and Hospital Chains with their Biblical-rooted names, implying what the don't or won't provide, the Hippocratic Oath is a piece of Hypocritical mumbling and the whole train-wreck one of the top three if not the top, reasons for bankruptcy in the US, of Armaments and Incarceration with or without insurance, where freedom and justice is relative to what you can afford and most people are moving backwards.
Borowitz might be a satirist but some of his pieces are closer to the truth than the appalling US owner-media will even hint at!
You need to get out a bit more Bubba and quit smoking the Hashish that y'r own government and it's propaganda apparatus blows out their own arses!
Scalia and Thomas especially, have no place on ANY bench for reasons (Opus Dei) I've stated often enough not to bear repeating!
 
 
+4 # bmiluski 2015-06-27 16:04
reiverpacific.. .trolls like egbegb will never explain or back up with facts. They don't have any. They just keep bleating what they are told to bleat by their neo-con masters.
 
 
+2 # reiverpacific 2015-06-28 15:16
Quoting bmiluski:
reiverpacific...trolls like egbegb will never explain or back up with facts. They don't have any. They just keep bleating what they are told to bleat by their neo-con masters.


You're right of course.
Funny how we never hear from 'em for a while and suddenly, when we think they've given up or been flushed out, they bubble up again like shite backin' up from a blocked drain.
 
 
+2 # Puck 2015-06-28 13:41
I disagree. Scalia should be on a bench, a park bench with a newspaper to ward off the cold and his faithful lapdog sleeping at his feet!
 
 
+16 # bingers 2015-06-26 23:37
SCOTUS has dragged us down with their Citizen's United and Hobby Lobby approval of unconstitutiona l choices and you want to screech about them ruling constitutional findings are the problem? But considering the source is egbegb what else would you expect? A rational thought? The Republicans want to try a new assault based on spending but the CBO reported that the ACA would save hundreds of billions in 10 years and the CBO is run by a Republican.
 
 
+29 # jimallyn 2015-06-27 00:08
egbegb, can you provide sources for your claim that everyone's health care costs have gone up?
 
 
0 # Puck 2015-06-28 13:43
Good question jimallyn. I know mine haven't!
 
 
+18 # Bruce Gruber 2015-06-27 07:08
The cost of public policy is the price of liberty and justice FOR ALL. Electing 'representative s' dedicated to doing public policy 'on the cheap' is not 'representative ' democracy, nor is it leadership.

Hoarding and insulating wealth from advancing and enhancing humankind suggests an absence of leadership, respect for life, and self-indulgent greed.

The future could be better for our species OR ... we can compete against ourselves and limit our potential to a declining existence of conflict and competitive, individual acquisition.

To me, it seems important to reflect on what a tiny percentage of us actually 'wins'. Fewer than a thousand run the public policy machine that is our government ... and they are NOT working together. Fewer than 10 companies provide the bulk of our nation's food ... and they do little or nothing to improve its quality or safety unless forced to do so. "Public" transportation has virtually disappeared as an efficient, affordable means of society's travel. The list is endless of things OUR "do-nothing, spend nothing, invest nothing, 'think' nothing" political naysayer's ignore ... while spewing "NO TAX!" misinformation.

The proposed Republican LOWER TAX propaganda saves 2/3 of American families (median annual income $50k) about $25 per WEEK in taxes ... but gives the 93 Americans who BUY Congressmen (ave. $79 million per year income) tax savings - if they pay ANY - of more than $200,000 per WEEK.

Vote Republican?!? Bullshit!
 
 
+14 # FIRSTNORN1 2015-06-27 07:40
Great comment, Bruce Gruber! You may have also pointed out that our Drug Companies are motivated only by PROFIT. The last thing in the world which they want to do is to cure anybody of anything for the obvious reason that they would then lose customers.
 
 
+8 # Bruce Gruber 2015-06-27 09:25
I appreciate the + nudge. There are so many ways in which we are bombarded with media messages about our only "product" in the USA - that of "profit".

Extracting excess cash from the exchange of coordinated and exploited resources in material and labor and exchanging the 'created' products and services IS our national fantasy. Along with fees, interest and protected, monopolistic market techniques and legalisms that protect against 'real' competition, we are, once again, in the "golden age" of plutocracy run a-muck. All profiteering is protected and regulation and goal setting for public good is considered unprofitable waste of the opportunity for exploitation.

As our society fairly screams for justice, investment, opportunity and "hope" for change, our voices are rarely noted on THEIR newspaper editorial pages and ignored in mainstream television 'entertainews'.

Every aspect of the 'merchandising" of our society projects the arrogance and elitism of plutocratic entitlement. Health, education, infrastructure, research, energy, philosophy, art, and politics all demonstrate the effectiveness of concentrated wealth on the subordination of "ordinary" peoples' interests to the wants, needs and desires of the few ... the 0.01's ... those who believe they actually DO somethin ... besides exploit.
 
 
+17 # Barbell 2015-06-27 08:16
Who says this is satire? These Republicans in the clown car have said much the same thing for years.
 
 
-7 # REDPILLED 2015-06-27 09:48
Republicans are the corrupt, corporate, stupid party.

Democrats are the corrupt, corporate, foolish party.

Support the Green Party candidate in 2016, Dr. Jill Stein. Here is her platform:

My Plan - Jill2016
http://www.jill2016.com/plan
 
 
+8 # jon 2015-06-27 10:48
Won't get Nadered again.
 
 
+3 # bmiluski 2015-06-27 16:05
Amen to that Jon.
 
 
+10 # bmiluski 2015-06-27 16:08
You want people to vote the Green Party? Well then get your asses out and start getting your people elected into town, city, state governments. Show people what the Green Party can do on the LOCAL level before you start trying to get the top job.
 
 
+8 # jon 2015-06-27 18:34
Exactly right!

To be taken seriously, a party and candidate needs a resume with consistent position and results - not to mention demonstrated effort.

A person that can boast not having accepted corporate money, and has a resume of consistent effort and results, trumps a person that can only boast not having accepted corporate money, but who has had no demonstrable effect, every time.

It is just simple logic.

Oh, I neglected to mention the one person who has the Resume described is Bernie Sanders.
 
 
0 # bingers 2015-06-28 13:35
Quoting REDPILLED:
Republicans are the corrupt, corporate, stupid party.

Democrats are the corrupt, corporate, foolish party.

Support the Green Party candidate in 2016, Dr. Jill Stein. Here is her platform:

My Plan - Jill2016
http://www.jill2016.com/plan



While I have great respect for her and the party, a vote for her is a de facto vote for the Republican.
 
 
0 # Buddha 2015-06-30 11:52
I wish. SCOTUS ruled that we should be able to completely destroy the environment, whenever that destruction is "cheaper" and generates more profits than the more environmental and healthy alternative. IN essence, they didn't agree with the cost-benefit analysis done by the EPA, so therefore ruled it wasn't really done and thus means they can't regulate anything. Nice ruling pulled out of their ass.
 

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