Romneys, Dinosaurs, and Strippers at Funerals

By Charles Pierce, Esquire

25 April 15

s the mists of time descend around us, we can lose track of what an amazing liar Willard Romney really was during his time as a presidential wannabe. Luckily, though, in the Washington Post blog run by his former bestie 4-Evah Jen Rubin, Willard comes back, talks about the current situation with Hillary Rodham Clinton, and reminds us of that very salient fact.

Mitt Romney put it in everyday terms: "I mean, it looks like bribery. I mean, there is every appearance that Hillary Clinton was bribed to grease the sale of, what, 20% of America's uranium production to Russia, and then it was covered up by lying about a meeting at her home with the principals, and by erasing emails. And you know, I presume we might know for sure whether there was or was not bribery if she hadn't wiped out thousands of emails. But this is a very, very serious series of facts, and it looks like bribery."

If there is a more shameless person in politics than old G.I. Luvmoney, I don't know who it is. This is a guy who refused to release his tax returns , and whose wife made it quite clear on TV to Us People why that was not an option. And this is also the guy who, upon leaving the governor's office here in the Commonwealth (God save it!), did everything but throw the computers in the Executive office out the windows.

As a result, Patrick's office, which has been bombarded with inquiries for records from the Romney era, has no electronic record of any Romney administration e-mails, Reilly said. "The governor's office has found no e-mails from 2002-2006 in our possession,'' Reilly said in a statement. "Before the current administration took office, the computers used during that time period were replaced and the server used during that time period was taken out of service, all files were removed from it, and it was also replaced.'' Andrea Saul, a spokeswoman for the Romney campaign, said the governor's aides did nothing wrong. "In leaving office, the governor's staff complied with the law and longtime executive branch practice,'' she said. "Some employees exercised the option to purchase computer equipment when they left. They did so openly with personal checks.''

I mean, it looks like bribery to me. How about you?

Meanwhile, in China, the government is coping with a terrible example of When Cultural Traditions Go Horribly Wrong.

State media have said burlesque shows at some funerals aim to draw more mourners and show off the family's wealth, in a practice that is infrequent, but gaining in popularity. In a notice on its website Thursday, the ministry called for a "black list" of people and workplaces that engage in such shows. It singled out a group of burlesque dancers, the Red Rose Song and Dance Troupe, who did a striptease after the small-town funeral of an elderly person in the northern province of Hebei in February. The group took off their clothes after performing a traditional song-and-dance routine, the ministry said. One leader of Red Rose, surnamed Li, was punished with 15 days in detention and a fine of 70,000 yuan ($11,300) after law enforcement officials intervened.

And thus do the Irish finally fall into second place as far as funeral rites go. Why are the Chinese so far ahead of us in everything, dammit? Strippers at funerals? Where do they put the pole? No, wait, don't answer that.

Weekly WWOZ Pick To Click: "Call Me Shine" (The Paulin Brothers Jazz Band): Yeah, I pretty much still love New Orleans.

Weekly Visit To The Pathe Archives: Since it's playoff time in the NHL, here's some fancy-dress weird-ass ice hockey from Germany in 1939. The announcer says, "No country is safe." He wasn't kidding. History is so cool.

Happy Birthday to my favorite machine!

Meanwhile, back on earth, this seems nice.

Underneath the national park's attractions and walking paths is enough hot rock to fill the Grand Canyon nearly 14 times over. Most of it is in a newly discovered magma reservoir, which the scientists featured in a study published on Thursday in the journal Science. It may help scientists better understand why Yellowstone's previous eruptions, in prehistoric times, were some of Earth's largest explosions in the last few million years.

On the bright side, the Hubble will get a helluva picture of what's left.

Is it a good day for dinosaur news? It's always a good day for dinosaur news.

Most of the eggs in the museum's existing collection belong to oviraptorid and duck-billed dinosaurs, which roamed the earth 89 million years ago. Nearly 17,000 dinosaur eggs have been uncovered in the city since the first group of fossils was found in 1996 by children playing at a construction site, the China's official news agency Xinhua reported.

Damn, some museum director is going to have a helluva funeral when he finally dies.

I'll be back on Monday with what I am sure will be more HRC-roogie-roogie gobshitery. Be well and place nice, ya bastids. Stay above the snakeline, or we won't respect you and there won't be anything at your wake except whiskey and soda bread.