ALSO SEE: The Same People Who Lied to You About Iraq Are Now in Charge of Jeb Bush's Foreign Policy

Jeb Bush Is Already President

By Charles Pierce, Esquire

19 February 15

nd speaking of Jeb (!), his team has found a couple of prime suckers on the staff of Tiger Beat On The Potomac. The whole piece is a marvelous buyer's guide for magic beans, but I think this may be my favorite piece of political nonsense so far this year.

Insiders familiar with Bush's thinking believe that the potential candidate has thought about everything: his qualifications, the changes in the Republican electorate and how to handle the legacy of his brother, who left office with terrible poll numbers. "Did you ever know Jeb to do something halfway?" one "Jeb World alum" asked rhetorically. "He approached this the way he approaches a game of golf or the A-Plus [education] plan: methodically and seriously. ... When it comes to his brother, there could be a 'Sistah Souljah' moment. He's not his brother and, when that subject comes up, he'll respectfully say where they differ." But Bradshaw, Bush's closest confidante, rejects the idea that Bush is following a tight script. "It's hard for people inside the process-bubble in D.C. to understand this: There's not a grand master plan," Bradshaw said. "This is how we do it in Jeb World."

First of all, if there's any meme that deserves to die an instant, but painful, death, it's the "Sister Souljah moment." Republicans simply don't have them. Only Democrats are required to spit on their most loyal voters from time to time in order to earn some sweet "bipartisan" cred inside the Beltway.

Second, if you think Jeb (!) is going to beat up on C-Plus Augustus for having screwed up the world, you'll believe anything.

Third, any pundit who uses the phrase "Jeb World" in any context except as brutal, withering sarcasm needs to give up show business and go into selling roadside art at an abandoned gas station.

Fourth, and last, it is not really journalism to lay out the case that Jeb (!) is completely for sale, and then use it, not to demonstrate that Jeb (!) is selling his ass by the ounce but, rather, to make the case that he is a towering political juggernaut.

The confidence with which Bush is pursuing his strategy was evident last Wednesday in the Picasso-adorned Park Avenue home of private-equity titan Henry Kravis. It was Bush's 62nd birthday, and he celebrated in Kravis' 26-room penthouse with more than 40 of the richest people in New York. Among them were Bush's cousin, George Walker IV, the chief executive of the investment management firm of Neuberger Berman, and real estate mogul Jerry Speyer, along with Ken Mehlman and Alex Navab of Kravis' firm, KKR. The admission price: a minimum of $100,000, also the going rate for other Bush fundraisers. Guests took an elevator straight to the foyer and noshed on salmon and other hors d'oeuvres while listening to Bush talk about strategy for the upcoming campaign. "You don't get the big job by tearing other people down and you don't get it by trying to appeal to everyone," a donor recalled Bush saying. "I'm going to play this thing my way and let the chips fall where they may."

Jesus, some people will believe anything.

Bartender, a double Prestone, and see what the pundits in the back room will have.