The Secret Clinton Files Are Almost Here

By Charles Pierce, Esquire

01 March 14

id you know about the secret files? No, not the ones in the safe at the Mena Airport. And, no, not the ones that poor Vince Foster burned at Hillary Clinton's discreet pied a terre on Dupont Circle before she had him killed and transported to Fort Tryon Park. And no, not the ones that were buried under the billing records in the White House closet. The ones at the Clinton library. The Secret Clinton Files!

Oooooooh. Mystery!

The long-sealed records pose a delicate series of choices for the Clintons, and even President Barack Obama. They could allow disclosure of the papers, fueling new stories about old controversies like Whitewater and pardons granted as the 42nd president left office in 2001. Or they could fight to keep some or all of the files secret, likely triggering a court battle and stoking concerns that the former president and his wife are unduly secretive.

New stories about Whitewater? Whitewater was nonsense from start to finish, beginning with the original, poorly written story in the New York Times, rolling through two special prosecutors, at least that many congressional investigations, several federal trials, and endlessly morphing from the original money-losing land deal through what-do-you-have-to-hide? speculations on Castle Grande, cattles futures, and Christ alone remembers what else. And the president's power to pardon is as close to an absolute power that he has, and Marc Rich died last year.

Also withheld under the now-expired confidential advice provision were a series of documents pertaining to Clinton-era scandals such as Whitewater and the death of White House aide Vince Foster. The records held back include legal memos on such subjects from figures like Clinton personal attorney David Kendall and White House Counsel's Office lawyer Elena Kagan, who became a Supreme Court justice in 2010.

How in the name of god is "the death of White House aide Vince Foster" a "Clinton-era scandal."? (Whitewater wasn't a scandal, either, but never mind.) The poor man got hounded by the sociopaths on the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal until he couldn't take it any more and shot himself in the head. (He specifically mentioned this in his suicide note.) These are the Clinton Rules coming back with a vengeance. "Scandal" is anything the courtier press says it is, and a "cover-up" is engaged any time every single document desired isn't produced immediately. Unfortunately, this time around, nobody can book rooms at Parker Dozhier's fish camp. As Gene Lyons -- on his own and with Joe Conason -- point out, over and over again, it wasn't so much the "vast rightwing conspiracy" that plagued the Clinton administration, but the limitless sweet-tooth of the "respectable" press for whatever came down the puke funnel.

But, hey now. Secret files!

Luckily for democracy, however, nutball Larry Klayman is back on the case, and things are nowhere near as weird as you know they're going to get.