Hostage-Takers Call Comparisons to Tea Party "Hurtful"

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

11 October 13

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

group representing America's hostage-takers today blasted President Obama for his repeated comparisons between them and the Tea Party Republicans, calling his remarks "degrading and hurtful."

The complaint came from the National Alliance of Hostage-Takers and Blackmailers, a watchdog group that monitors negative images of extortionists in the media.

"As professional hostage-takers, we never take hostages unless we have a well-thought-out plan, realistic demands, and a clear exit strategy," read the group's official statement. "Any comparison between what we do and these inane Tea Party antics are derogatory and unacceptable."

The statement continued, "For years, our members have been subjected to offensive Hollywood stereotypes of hostage-takers as crazed madmen, cackling evildoers, and worse. The President's hurtful remarks only reinforce those negative images."

Later in the day, White House press spokesman Jay Carney offered an apology to the group: "As you can imagine, in the heat of a crisis we often say things we don't mean. The President regrets any hurt his remarks may have caused."

Mr. Carney said that in order to avoid offending other groups in the future, the President would resist the temptation to call the Tea Party Republicans terrorists, lunatics, or babies.

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