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Borowitz writes: "Aides to President Obama said today that he was 'visibly shaken' after receiving support from House Speaker John Boehner for his Syria campaign, adding that the Speaker’s vote of confidence was 'making him rethink the whole thing.'"

President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner. (photo: Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images)
President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner. (photo: Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images)


Obama Shaken by Boehner's Support

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

04 September 13

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

ides to President Obama said today that he was "visibly shaken" after receiving support from House Speaker John Boehner for his Syria campaign, adding that the Speaker's vote of confidence was "making him rethink the whole thing."

An aide to Mr. Obama, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that he was in the Oval Office with the President when he got the call from Mr. Boehner: "As it became clear that Boehner was going to support him on this, he looked more and more stunned. He was trying to stay calm and all but you could see that he was really taken aback."

After putting down the phone with Mr. Boehner, the President reportedly told aides, "Boehner's supporting it. That's so weird. This is still a good idea, right?"

Moments after the President had "seemed to settle down," the aide said, he received a phone call from House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, who also offered his support for the Syria plan.

"That one really rattled him," the aide said. "He was like, 'I think I need to take a long walk.'"

The calls from Mr. Boehner and Mr. Cantor have created what the aide called "the biggest crisis of confidence this President has ever experienced."

"I checked in on him later in the day, just to see if he was O.K.," the aide said. "He was cradling his head in his hands saying, 'I just don't know. I just don't know anymore.'"

While the President's plan to attack Syria remains on the table, the aide indicated that the situation is very fluid: "If Rand Paul calls today and says he's in, the whole thing goes away."

 

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+56 # Jiovanna 2013-09-04 14:16
Fantastic dialogue! If only it were true--maybe it will be! Keeping my fingers crossed for something ethical to happen:)
 
 
+1 # The Voice of Reason 2013-09-05 20:17
Later that same day, President Obama announced that he was abandoning the war effort, and that now he was recommending for Syria go on Daylight Saving Time from February to November. "It's healthier than shrapnel, it saves fuel, and look how it healed our economy."

But in the meantime, the Oil Criminals still get to charge whatever they want. "Unless you want to pay more," Mr. Obama said. "Do you want to pay more?"
 
 
+32 # Eldon J. Bloedorn 2013-09-04 14:20
Funny. But Boehner was never really good with dates. Thought today was April 1.
 
 
+31 # MidwesTom 2013-09-04 14:24
Neocons of a feather, flock together.
 
 
+28 # tigerlille 2013-09-04 14:26
Oh God, hilarious. The selection of the photograph of a tight lipped Obama and Boehner was genius as well.
 
 
+19 # cordleycoit 2013-09-04 14:46
sorry but with what we know that there are no surprises in Washington unless the press catches a politician in bed or taking a huge bribe. What we will see is a lot of kissy face and then, death to Syrians.They are nothing but a pack of over paid bad actors.
 
 
+6 # EternalTruth 2013-09-04 21:29
Are you kidding? What would be surprising is if they made taking bribes illegal. They are currently known as cam
 
 
+8 # EternalTruth 2013-09-04 21:30
The bribes are simply called campaign contributions. A rose by any other name...
 
 
+59 # MainStreetMentor 2013-09-04 14:48
I believe that Republicans who want US military actions and involvement in Syria do so because they have to support the industrial/mili tary complex from who they accept BIG campaign donations. No other reason.
 
 
+9 # Douglas Jack 2013-09-04 14:58
Institutional isolation of Obama, Boehner, Cantor & recently Rand Paul with such statements as, "No one disputes that Assad is a vile dictator" show incredible immaturity for people who don't look at both-sides of issues before joining their 'gang' & executing war against innocent peoples. Here's a compilation of sources for those who believe in looking at both-sides & truly want peace. https://sites.google.com/site/indigenecommunity/e-history/8-nuclear-war

There are Dialectic ('both-sided') equal-time, recorded & published dialogue approaches which must become de rigeur in human relations as all humanity understood during our 100s of 1000s of years of 'indigenous' (Latin 'self-generatin g') peace & prosperity. https://sites.google.com/site/indigenecommunity/structure/both-sides-now-equal-time-recorded-dialogues
 
 
+37 # USA2012??? 2013-09-04 14:59
How much stock do these guys have in companies supplying the war machine? Outrageous: these two can't get together to put America back to work building America's infrastructure, but can come to an agreement to send Americans into conflict! This is absolutely unacceptable: why don't the two of these guys volunteer to go if it's so bad in Syria?

Obama beware: if engaging in Syria's internal affairs results with the loss of American lives your now good old GOP buddy will sit on the side lines blaming you: you guys never learn!

Question: Just how much is too much when it comes to war?
 
 
+6 # Michael Lee Bugg 2013-09-05 15:24
USA2012, I agree with you! It is "win/win" for the Republicans. If it goes "well" (meaning we are not sucked into yet another real war) they can be seen as more "bipartisan"; it indirectly helps Israel; it distracts attention from the economy, the Trade Pact of the Pacific and everything else that will determine the outcome of the 2014 and 2016 elections; it directly helps defense contractors who then reward Republicans with a kickback called a campaign contribution. If it goes poorly the Republicans and the lapdog news media will blame it all on Obama and the Democrats, and it distracts us from everything else that does really matter to US!
 
 
+45 # Vardoz 2013-09-04 15:02
Of course Boehner supports bombing Syria- Boehner and his gang are always up for giving the military a blank check. As the American people are suffering from an abusive Sequester, low and stagnant wages, few good jobs, costly college, cutting food stamps, head start and important services around the nation etc... Boehner and his gang of criminals are all about paying billions for a war!What a surprise! The are all such a bunch of A holes and a disgusting, greedy bunch.
 
 
0 # RightForAReason 2013-09-04 16:28
That "abusive sequester" is a reduction in GROWTH. Instead of their automatic 7% raise (without any demonstrated need), they had a 2% raise. It was not a cut. An annual 7% increase will double the size and expense of government in 10 years. Have your wages doubled in the last 10 years? Have your government services doubled in that time?
 
 
+10 # Vardoz 2013-09-04 17:32
Many imprtant programs have been cut because of the sequester. I dont know where u get your info from.
 
 
+6 # fredboy 2013-09-04 15:06
I sense man crushes. :)
 
 
+31 # Artemis 2013-09-04 15:27
This may be satire, but isn't it true? Aren't we all thinking, if Boehner is ok with this, that is the final nail in the coffin?
Nothing that man wants is safe.
 
 
+1 # Kiwikid 2013-09-04 20:17
Gotta feel sorry for Obama - if he wanted an out (and surely he has wish to he'd never made statements about 'red lines'), it looks like the Republicans might not be co-operating by co-operating.
 
 
+10 # Mrcead 2013-09-04 15:27
Lol, good starting metric though. Pick the opposite of whatever Conservatives are backing.
 
 
+23 # MindDoc 2013-09-04 15:31
Isn't it odd how THE PEOPLE's Congress and Obama have been unable to agree on anything at all to help the people and infrastructure of America, but suddenly are on the same page now that the notion of bombing and appeasing the war hawks has been advanced by both our President and 'representative s'? At the same time, mainstream media continues to present it ) as a 'done deal', war being the one thing which everybody in Washington -but NOT We the People - embraces with near unanimity. So what about the will of 'we the people' who have no benefit in going once again into a losing war in the middle of a perpetual civil war?

Why are we unable to think beyond the 'bombs and weapons' solutions which ito much of the world (and our own citizenry) is all our Government seems to care much about, along with profits for the plutocracy, and preventing democracy and wellbeing at home.

Yes, I feel for the victims, in Syria as in Africa and among 95% of the neglected citizenry in the U.S. But bombs beget bombs, foreign excursions engender distrust and hate (NOT 'credibility'), and what has changed? Sadly, I too wonder if our President recalls having been awarded a PEACE (not bellicosity) prize. (Give non-war a chance?) Now would be a great time to remember what it's like to avoid bullying (like daring a 'coward' to react), interfering, or chanting 'war is peace' as the entirety of media reverts to big $'s 'never met a war we didn't like' posture. Who does Congress serve?
 
 
+18 # Vardoz 2013-09-04 18:18
When it comes to our health, safety and welfare we always end up on the back burner these days. Citizens United, the TPP, Corporations are people, the NDAA and the attack by fhe Supreme Court against our voting rights all add up to less for us. Less rights, protections or interest in bailing out Main St. Its all about the one%, the corporations, the miltiary and everything that is attacking our Democray.
 
 
+32 # seeuingoa 2013-09-04 15:45
This is not satire.
I have been listening to the debate and
the word again and again is that the
credibility of America is at stake.

The Congress men and women simply don´t
get it.
America has no credibility anymore.

The list is long, let me just mention
in no specific order

At the same time as Dr. Mengele was doing his experiments during the WW2, America was inoculating prisoners in Latin America with syfilis in order to test the effect of penicillin.

Vietnam/Tonkin Bay.

Coups of democratically elected leaders
in Iran and Chile.

Green light to Indonesia for attacking Timor.

WMD/Hiroshima,Nagasaki,

US gas to Saddam Hussein to be used against the Kurds.

Chemical attacks/Agent Orange.

Guantanamo.

Violation of the Constitution/Indefinite
Detention and Drone Attacks.

Knowing about Climate Chaos and doing close to nothing.

Attack on Syria has nothing to do with humanitarian reasons because of gassing
of children.
It is all about oil, Iran, Hetzbollah, Saudi Arabia and Israel.

Humanitarian reasons/What about Pol-Pot
Cambodia and Rwanda.

The last time US was interfering humantarily in this world was the
Marshall help after WW2.

I give them credit for that, but ever after it was down the drains.

When America´s socalled friends and allies are licking your ass, it is for
purely economic reasons.

So please don´t use the credibility word anymore, now it is as hollow as most brains in Congress.
 
 
+12 # Vardoz 2013-09-04 17:34
We gave Saddam chemical weapons ! Crediblity doesnt matter. They do what the hell they want regardless.
 
 
+8 # Doubter 2013-09-04 20:01
I think our loving gov't inoculated blacks in the US with syphilis but you deserved the plus I gave you anyway.
(it wouldn't surprise me in the least if they also inoculated Latin Americans and I simply hadn't heard about it, though)
 
 
+9 # DaveM 2013-09-05 00:51
The infamous "Tuskeegee Syphilis Experiment" did not involve inoculating anyone with syphilis. Rather, physicians selected a group of men who had syphilis (to my knowledge, all were black) and withheld treatment from them to observe the progression of the disease. This was long after the introduction of penicillin and its proven effect on syphilis.

The experiment was not only morally repulsive, is was useless scientifically, as the long-term effects of syphilis had been known for centuries.
 
 
+22 # oakes721 2013-09-04 15:56
Lets put 'w' back in his flight suit with a payload of politicians and send them into one of the war zones they profess to love so much. Just make sure they've got at least a half a tank of gas...
 
 
+6 # grandone@charter.net 2013-09-04 16:25
I think the Secretary of State pretty well colosed the lid on Sen. Paul coming around to supporting the strike on Syria. He is still sitting in the corner of the Senate hearing room with a cone-shaped hat on his head.
 
 
+4 # cmcook41 2013-09-04 17:07
Please someone tell Rand Paul to call in support of the presidents decision.
 
 
+3 # stanhode 2013-09-04 17:46
Please send this author to the Onion.
 
 
+7 # reo100 2013-09-04 17:57
This is definitely NOT SATIRE! This is what our Country has become. Purely Taxation without representation! We must stop spending and thereby feeding the Corporate Powers who payoff our so called leaders and the courts . Afterall, they are the ones who control us and we "support" them!
Any of us who vote for any of these politicians, regardless of which political party they claim to belong to should be shamed.
 
 
+2 # Doubter 2013-09-04 20:08
I keep saying that voting for any of these fatal clowns only serves to legitimize them.
The only time I voted was for Carter.

(I was under Conservative influence when it came to Kennedy, and his being a General automatically disqualified Ike in my mind)
 
 
+7 # futhark 2013-09-04 18:31
Now it's official! President Obama has the neocon stamp of approval for his internet snooping, his drone strikes, and his advocacy of military solutions to the complex problems of the Middle East. Is the kind of program for which so many of you advocated his re-election?
 
 
+18 # mighead 2013-09-04 19:14
Funny thing...I was thinking exactly the same thing...
this is certainly McCain's agenda...and the GOP guys are certainly happy to support it...
and that should give Obama his first clue that this is NOT a good idea!!!
and certainly not an agenda that Dems or the majority of the people want...
nor the Brits...nor the UN...nor anyone else or any other country...
i.e., the man stands utterly ALONE on this issue...except of course for the GOP...
 
 
+17 # mighead 2013-09-04 19:18
am I the only person on the planet that can't distinguish the difference between using chemical weapons and massive 'shock and awe' conventional bombing???

Isn't it difficult for a Syrian on the ground to understand that these bombs are coming from the 'good guys'???
 
 
+6 # mighead 2013-09-04 20:44
Maybe this is all just sports thinking???

Iraq was a disaster...stri ke one...

Afghanistan is a disaster...stri ke two...

but maybe we won't strike out 3 times in a row and Syria will be a home run???!!!

maybe...even if we just struck out twice in a row...we're still home run Kings and this one won't be a disaster like the others???!!!
 
 
+3 # Kootenay Coyote 2013-09-05 09:34
& in this game, who is the baseball getting clobbered?
 
 
+8 # jonik 2013-09-04 20:55
Uh...as if Obama hasn't known all along that he's part of the same military-corpor atocracy as the Repugs. He would not have been chosen, from above, for this post if he was a real opponent to that global corporate direction.
What he doesn't like now...if story is on target...is that Boehner's support makes that scam obvious...that both Bizness Uber Alles parties are on the same side...just pretending to battle to keep the public distracted...to give complicit media something to yak about.
 
 
+8 # jonik 2013-09-04 21:11
Hard to understand how this is satire...when it must be the case that the "liberal" Dimocrat Obama side, as well as the Corporatocracy in general...Must Not Like that the fake "opposition party" pretense is exposed.
Nader has spoken for ages that we have two parties, both on the same Business Party side.
 
 
+4 # Annietime13 2013-09-04 23:23
What a Great Line, Jiovanna,,,,,,,,

"Keeping my fingers crossed for something ethical to happen"

Now, if only it could be the name of a BROADWAY SHOW, that could tour America,,,,,,,, ,,
 

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