Durst writes: "Every campaign has one. Or more. Its a piece of opposition research stashed away for a rainy day."
Political satirist Will Durst. (photo: WillDurst.com)
October Surprises
30 September 12
hen the end draws near and prospects darken, and polls solidify in the wrong direction, and the base sinks lower than the toenail clippings of a Galapagos turtle, does the practiced political operative give up? No sir, they whip out their secret weapon. Not the candidate's spouse. The real ace up the sleeve - The October Surprise.
Every campaign has one. Or more. It's a piece of opposition research stashed away for a rainy day. For safe-keeping, behind glass, like a fire axe: “Open in the event of impending doom.” Something so incendiary it's concealed in an asbestos-lined box buried deep in the back of the campaign manager's underwear drawer.
A last-minute revelation guaranteed to rip the skin off the opponent's slick exterior and expose him or her to be the morally bereft, fire-breathing extremist everyone was secretly afraid they were. Then again, it could be a tax cut or lavish promise or a grandstanding, self-inflating shot of adrenaline. “You never suspected I was this good, did you?”
Even front-runners need to be prepared. After all, one good October Surprise deserves another. “They pull a knife. You pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago Way. And that's how you get Romney.”
The October Surprise is the joker in the American electoral deck of cards. Dealt under the table and below the belt. After minds have been made up and money spent, a well-played OS can turn a game around quicker than three crews of NFL replacement refs. Here's a sample of the sort of shenanigans we can expect in the coming month.
OCTOBER 8:
Barack Obama announces a deal with Jamba Juice to place coupons for free fruit smoothies on the backs of all 1040 forms.
OCTOBER 11:
Immediately after vice presidential debate, Joe Biden disappears for rest of campaign. Nobody, including family and personal staff, notices. The police don't suspect foul play. Then again, they don't rule it out either.
OCTOBER 13:
Mitt Romney vows, if elected, to write a $250 personal check to every man, woman and child in America. Fox News calls this a game changer.
OCTOBER 15:
Donald Trump unveils a cave painting in Provence, France that portrays a figure that looks eerily like Barack Obama descending from what appears to be a space ship.
OCTOBER 18:
On way to a rally in Langley, Va., Barack Obama stops motorcade to run into burning building, saving 3-year-old twins.
OCTOBER 19:
Inspired by Larry Ellison's purchase of the Hawaiian Island of Lanai, the Koch brothers offer $200 billion for Ohio. As is.
OCTOBER 21:
On the way to church, Romney personally beats off masked bullies who are attempting to impale a litter of puppies with nail guns. Shar Pei puppies. The cutest kind.
OCTOBER 24:
Blurry YouTube video surfaces showing Barack Obama chain smoking cigarettes in the loading bay of a Toledo convention center before a fund raiser.
OCTOBER 28:
The State Comptroller of Ohio announces the Koch brothers sale cannot go through due to the fact that George Soros has already acquired 60 percent of the state.
OCTOBER 30:
The LA Times releases grainy time-lapse photographic evidence of Mitt Romney at a Portsmouth, N.H. coffee shop downing three triple espressos.
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Comments
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-Two days before the election it will be revealed that, yes it is true that all married Mormon men will someday become the God of their own planet. In fact, Mitt has just been assigned to ours because Brigham Young thinks that Yahweh dude hasn't been doing it right.
-In the last week before the election, Ronald Reagan, Richard M. Nixon, Joseph McCarthy, Joseph Goebles, Warren G. Harding, Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Herbert Hoover, Ann Coulter, and Ron Paul all climb out of their coffins like a "Midnight Madness" commercial to make a surprising last minute endorsement of Mitt Romney.
Romneyhood announces that the 47% will be sent to battle in Iran as soon as he gets a war underway there.
President Obama announces that we will be leaving Afghanistan sooner than planned as they have all agreed to "Just get along" over there.
Romneyhood announces that the Health Care Vouchers of Ryan will come with gold lettering.
President Obama announces that all the Tbaggers have decided to quit trying to destroy the country.
It is revealed that Romney asked Ryan to crunch the numbers to see how he can get the 47% off the entitlement dole and into good, hard work. Netan"yahoo" calls to say that a war with Iran might be a job creator which Ryan says "Zowee!". He crunches the numbers by subtracting the number of American's who will join the military and the number who will be killed, inserts cutting the VA budget as a variable to lower survival rates and suddenly there are only 40% of Americans sucking off the "Teat Party." Wunderkinder Ryan, hiding simple aritmetic behind a computer generated modeling format, tells Romney that he could reduce unemployment to 1% (for servants) and reduce the welfare mob by 7% or 14 million. Take away Obamacare and anohter million will simply leave this Earth for thier heavenly reward. A win-win for all hard working leisure class Republicans - the real Americans.
Of course, Romney likes the downsizing as it twitches the Bain in his "boon" head.
Romney calls Netan"Yahoo" and says "Bibi, this is the continuation of a beautiful friendship." Unfortunately, Ronmey tells a crowd of wealthy donors over at the Koch Brothers estate of his secret plan to reduce the mooching class but the foot servant has his video camera out and October Surprise.
Ryan denies everything and takes his daughter out in her new "cammys" to provide a different ending to Bambi,
All the others I understand, but Ann Coulter and Ron Paul? When did I miss this happy news?
It's possible they BOTH knew Vlad Tepisch. History from that time period is sketchy. However, what is certain is that they formed an unholy union which produced offspring thought to be behind the introduction of the rat as a form of currency.
It's possible that they were still alive as recently as the Nixon Administration. Both were employed as "plumbers".
At some point, it became noticeable to people who've come into contact with them that both their skin and their ideals are "eerily cold" - the sure sign of a zombie.
These days, in between strangling kittens and eating imported "baby meat" from Africa (whatever that is), they can be found speaking in tongues and gurgling zombie ideas (that died in the Middle Ages) on TV.
ARE they "alive"? I don't know, but after seeing the documentary "Night of the Living Dead" about the Republican convention, I'd steer clear.
CONT.
When is Halloween? OCTOBER!
Coincidence?
SOME DEFINITIONS:
1. FROM http://www.thefreedictionary.com/public:
public [ˈpʌblɪk]
n
1. (Sociology) the community or people in general
2. (Sociology) a part or section of the community grouped because of a common interest, activity, etc. the racing public
[from Latin pūblicus, changed from pōplicus of the people, from populus people]
2. FROM http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/re- :
re-
a prefix, occurring originally in loanwords from Latin, used with the meaning “again” or “again and again” to indicate repetition, or with the meaning “back” or “backward” to indicate withdrawal or backward motion: regenerate; refurbish; retype; retrace; revert.
----------------------
In other words:
“RE” (to use “again and again” or “regenerate”) “PUBLIC” (“people” or a “community grouped by common interest”)!!!!!
“Re-Publican” means “RE-USED HUMANS / COMMUNITIES RELYING ON RE-USED (zombie?) PEOPLE AND IDEAS”.
This fact isn’t often told in polite conversation. If you look beyond the mortuary makeup I think you can see what we’re up against.
Thing is -- who can tell when a Zombie is dead? That gal is Fox's perpetual year-around Dead October Surprise. Halloween forever.
ROFL!
Thanks, Billy Bob, I needed that!
Could it be that Romney took the amnesty deal with the 14000 other US citizens who were involved in the illegal tax avoidance scheme with UBS, the Swiss bank? When UBS announced that would reveal info on 4500 depositors the rush to take a deal with the IRS, rather than be prosecuted looked a stampede.
Still curious who "O'Bama" is. Is he the Irish candidate?
STAY SAFE!
Golden Grin award for this imagery:
" the base sinks lower than the toenail clippings of a Galapagos turtle". Funny, but not I'm sure they are fine in their shell. :-)
We do seriously need a tsunami of voters, we the people sweeping out all the 47, or 97%, whatever, of the equally detached "representative s", of WE, the "people". *
1% party? Let's be proportional: No more than 1% of Congress allowed to remain in place, guarding the 99%'s Government of and by real, human-being people with families, health, needs.
Hoping for an October surprise like over prepared Romney going into the wrong scripted answer and making even less sense. Hoping for people to wake up to the 8 dark years of Bush which we're finally digging out of despite total opposition at every turn.
Guess we'll see. Trick or Treat. Probably more the former.
Facts are wonderful things. So are core American values.
This Congress shows precious little of either, on the GOP/T side.
It has just been revealed that Mitt Romney was born in Mexico to a Nazi woman, in hiding. He was only ADOPTED by the Romneys and isn't a natural born citizen of the USA. He is, therefore, not eligible to run for President. We must demand to see his actual birth certificate!
To me the only real 'October Surprise' would be actual debates, not these Q&A 1 & 2 minute answer sessions - come up with 3 or 4 subjects per 'debate' and let them really debate. The moderator should be something like the ref in a boxing match - separate the contestants when necessary and send them to their respective corners when the bell rings. Give'em a drink of water and then throw them back in the ring.
But I really did enjoy the morning chuckles provided by some of the above posters. Thanks!
Coincidence...........
Speaking of bumper stickers how about,
"Democrats, cleaning up Republican messes in 1933"?
Charles Manson had his followers write in their victims' blood “Pig” to try to ferment a worldwide race war or Helter Skelter. The Danish publication that angered Muslims wanted to bait Muslims to be unwelcome in Denmark, only after several months delay when it was declared not to be a hate crime did the riots start. The purpose of the anti-Muslim film trailer in the US wasn't stated, but most experts believe it was to make Obama look weak the way the Iranian hostage crisis made President Carter look weak and lose his reelection bid.
One way Republicans are trying to win the election for Romney is to keep the Libertarians off the ballot with intense effort. One thing they didn't do is steal Libertarian ballot petitions. Though actually a few could have been stolen. One thing a group wanting Romney could have done is to try to create traffic jams to prevent the Libertarians from turning their ballot petitions in on time. If they were as insensitive to deaths in the US as the hate film producer was to deaths in the Muslim World they could have on strategist highway ramps hire earpluged porn stars in front of bright lights to have sex to cause traffic accidents to jam up the highway and prevent the Libertarians or Constitutional Party in Virginia
continued at,
http://www.phillyimc.org/en/insulting-muslims-contrasted-n-word-or-shouting-vicious-p-police-officers-funeral#comment-73267
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohamed_Yousry
I wonder if those who are crying out for punishment would like to see the same results of the Lynne Stewart case?
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