Pierce writes: "Willard Romney, onetime dauphin prince of the Mexican outback and current presumptive nominee of the only Republican party we have, has been having a rough week there up at his lakeside retreat in the small town of Silly Rich Bastard, New Hampshire."
(art: DonkeyHotey/flickr)
Beyond Misery in America: Willard Romney
07 July 12
illard Romney, onetime dauphin prince of the Mexican outback and current presumptive nominee of the only Republican party we have, has been having a rough week there up at his lakeside retreat in the small town of Silly Rich Bastard, New Hampshire. He's gotten himself tangled up (again) with his previous incarnations, particularly the Self that once deigned to govern Massachusetts for about 11 minutes back in the early Aughts. That one put in place a mandate requiring that all citizens of the Commonwealth (God Save It!) buy health insurance, or else pay a penalty that would be collected by the state revenoo'ers. The current Willard, of course, is opposed to mandates because he is the nominee of a party full of crazy people. He and his campaign have spent a week trying to decide if the crazy people are less likely to disembowel them if they call such a mandate a "penalty" or a "tax" in relation to the Obama administration's success at bringing Romney's original Massachusetts plan to the masses. He's also being sniped at by various allegedly non-crazy leaders of his party for not being the candidate of their dreams. All of which seems to be harshing the general mellow up in the piney woods.
Once again, I put upon my head my speechwriter's hat - it is a lovely green fedora with a red feather in the band - and offer the Romney campaign my services in this strange, floundering hour of its discontent. I believe it doesn't have to be this way. I believe in addressing the problems head-on, as you will see.
I'm Mitt Romney, bitches, and I'm all you got left.
Look at me up here in one of my three primary residences, zipping around Lake You Can't Afford It in my jet-ski with just enough chest hair showing, and gathering my incredibly beautiful, incredibly wonderful, incredibly wealthy family around me to celebrate the Fourth Of July the way all Americans do, except with better cars. It's almost hard to believe up here that I actually had to go all around the country to buy this nomination. I could've closed the deal from my hammock here. No, though, I was willing to go out and meet some of those people. And now, I'm back in the hammock anyway and,
I'm Mitt Romney, bitches, and I'm all you got left.
Stop sweating me, okay? It's time for my nap. Tell Kristol to shut up or I'll look under the lawn chairs until I find enough loose change to buy that little magazine of his and sell it to the publisher of Biker Mamas for a 200-percent profit. Let Kristol go cover Bike Week in Laconia next summer if he wants to run his yap. And Murdoch? He doesn't like me? Tell you what: How about I get in there and revoke that tin citizenship medal that he's got and let him go back to selling titty magazines to sheep farmers in Queensland. He's over here because people like me allow him to be over here. Goddamn immigrant. I hope the senile old fool is tapping my phone, because I won't have to shout at him that,
I'm Mitt Romney, bitches, and I'm all you got left.
In case you haven't noticed, they're still all coming to me. I've been running them through the obstacle course up here all week. Jindal's parking cars, and Pawlenty's almost got the entire pool cleaned out, and Portman mixes a fine dark-and-stormy for the cocktail hour every day. Ann's got Portman cleaning out the stalls. Fine man with a shovel, that Portman, but, Jesus H. Christ Come To Arkansas, he's boring. Ayotte was around this afternoon, but she has to be back on the pole by 8:00 because I promised one of the kids - Tagg, or Tripp, or Tybalt, or Queequeg or whatever the hell his name is - a show for his friends tonight. They will do anything just to be the person I get to send to the funerals of the presidents of countries I could buy for what I've spent on alfalfa for that damn horse, because, well:
I'm Mitt Romney, bitches, and I'm all you got left.
These people all have futures, or they think they do, anyway. (Even Jindal does, like he's got a shot with those hayshakers I met this year. Most of them will ask him to sell them a lottery ticket.) You think they'd be up here in chipmunk country sucking up to me and all the rest of the walking orthodonture in my family if they didn't know what's what in the real world? You think they'd be demeaning themselves in all these different ways if they didn't know I could deliver? You know what the difference is right now between Tim Pawlenty and the guy who trims my hedges? A green card. You don't think I could send Portman out for whiskey and Chinese hookers any time I want to? Is it a penalty? Is it a tax? You think I care? I can write a check and buy English and change words to mean anything I want them to mean. "Horse" is now "deduction." See how it works? "Penalty" and "tax" and "fee" all mean the same thing. They mean I don't have to pay them. I own English now. Say something. Go ahead, I dare you. Say something and you owe me a buck royalties and you better believe I'm coming for it because,
I'm Mitt Romney, bitches, and I'm all you got left.
Sources close to the Romney campaign have told the blog that the campaign is unlikely to use this speech, or the ideas therein, in part or in full.
Further adventures in speechwriting here, here, here, here, and here.
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Comments
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It's all about Congress in 2012!
Ralph, you're soooo right. All that Rove and Koch money is being used to pack the House and take the Senate. If all the filth they're gonna throw at President Obama between now and the election nets a Romney win, he'll just be a puppet - putty in the hands of the Right Wing. Thus saith Grover!
It's important to note that our observations of Romney during this campaign have shown that he has NO CORE VALUES and will do anything to claim the presidency. His chief competitors - Gingrich, Perry, and Santorum - have said as much, and he has done nothing to dispel that image. The highest office in the land, achieving the title of the world's most powerful man are simply notches in Romney's belt.
The Right Wing Crazies will make mincemeat of this guy.
It's imperitive to vote locally. that is something Repubs learned and we forgot!
If more people knew the TRUTH about Mormons, he would loose ALL the evangelical voters! Mormons believe that GOd was flesh and had sex with the virgin Mary, and that Jesus and Lucifer were brothers. That is NOT the Worst of it!
If there were examination of core values those folks would have never voted for George W. Bush.
It's quite the eye opener!
They will become gods over their own planet if they are good enough.
Remember the reaction to Obama possibly being a Muslim. Same form of hysteria.
Wish I could be so optimistic, but Papa Romney wasn't running against a Black Socialist Nazi Kenyan who wants to confiscate everyone's guns, so I think they might bite the bullet on the Mormon this time around. There's a whole lotta crazy out there.
Hahahaha is Paris Hilton his new BFF LOL!!
I mean, this is REEEEEEAL, Bitches!Real as it gets!
There is real Christian Value pack for the ticket I can see all those red must have id states...probab ly want to know which dumb a----s are going to vote for these rethugs so they can sell them a bridge.
It really doesn't matter who runs with Romney I look at what ran with GW and the others I just cannot believe the voters.
I am more ashamed of those of black, spanish, asian who believe being Republican is part of the American Dream...wake up, you are just slaves allowed to vote .... Republicans are the most bigotted lot. I am sure their are Dems in so an West that can run the mile with them but ones I have met usually have the good sense to watch their mouths.
Thank you DonkeyHotey for the wonderful illustration. But, since everyone's a critic, I think Romney's roof-top dog would have suggested a pair of exaggerated 'canines.'
that is if either one of the anointed should win!
John the thumbs down are to let everyone know that we dont agree with your estimation of things. Plus whenever a republican is shown to be wrong or terrible you guys love to haul the rest of us all down with you. Mitt Romney is a terrible candidate, I dont appreciate you dragging Obama and the rest of us in it with him.
Quit drinking the Fox New kool-aid its entertainment TV according to Murdoch and friends. The sad part is you think its real news.
Yes Mitt Romeny is a terrible candidate but Obama is no better, the lesser of two evils is still evil, but you are one who must learn form your own experience if even then!
Then get rid of the Bum and get a real candidate to vote for, or is free speech no longer allowed by you and your followers?
It must be nice to drink the liberal kool aid and believe the system is salvageable by doing the same thing over and over and over, when will you wake from your illusion and get a dose of reality!
I thought the objective of cloning was to keep the good traits, intelligence... instead it was about looks...they all look the same, upside down or right side up
All the writers that are being cycled through here can bad mouth Romney but can't tell the world why folks should vote for Captain Clueless. I guess if you don't have a product to sell just keep blasting away at the competition's product until you can find one of your own.
I find it funny that Barry & the boys are attacking Romney because he is rich. The part I find funny is Romney is not as rich as Kerry. Also Romney earned his money. Kerry married his & then traded up for an even wealthier wife.
Perhaps someone could point me to where I can go to read all the liberal bad mouth comments about Kerry being filthy rich. Come on. They must be there someplace. Liberals aren't hypocrites are they?
What's good for Mitt ain't necessarily good for the rest of us.
"Kerry married his & then traded up for an even wealthier wife." McCain married his, too, didn't he? Perhaps someone could point me to where I can go to read all the Republican bad mouth comments about McCain "marrying up." Come on. They must be there someplace. The Far Right aren't hypocrites are they?
The article is about Romney so let's stick to that.
Romney is a successful businessman - another area in which Obama is completely clueless. Businessmen make business decisions, not moral or ethical ones. In a capitalist society ethics & morals are introduced through regulations. Sometimes companies appear to be acting in a moral or ethical manner but in those cases they made a business decision it was in their best interests to do so.
Romney is being vilified by Obama & in the liberal media for business decisions he made that they do not like. The problem is much of it are lies. Don't take my word for it. Go to the fact checking sites & look them up.
BTW - Don't look to businesses for ethics. They are about making money. The President & Congress introduce ethics through regulation. Tell Barry & the boys to get off their butts & do something.
Then why are you bringing up Kerry.
And, how stupid do you think RSN readers are? Candidates are not elected if they are indigent--in this country, the populace worships at the altar of wealth and power.
But, you forgot about the FACT that even the supposedly liberal and wealthy Kerry did not have Citizens United greasing his campaign coffers. Romney has raised millions, and is poised to raise more. Elections have now become a farce, and if politicians were not quite bought and paid for by their corporate donors previously, they certainly are now.
Yes, Romney's "business practices," should be scrutinized and held up and inspected--unet hical behavior should be called out--by the MSM, political pundits, and so called "news journalists." Romney is fair game, and it is a FACT that he has engaged in unethical business practices--but right, in America being wealthy is the only qualification necessary. Nothing else matters, not even how he acquired his millions. Simply because the Romney team can browbeat the Washingon Post and Factcheck.org, does not mean that Romney's wrongdoings will magically disappear. Do your own research, and not the wingnut-only sourced. Romney's Bain (or is it Bane?) his offshore monetary accounts--all of these questions are fair game. He is running for POTUS, not the local school board.
And, a wealthy businessman does not necessarily make a good POTUS.
The truth is that even if Mr. Romney had been a classic captain of industry, a present-day Andrew Carnegie, his career wouldn’t have prepared him to manage the economy. A country is not a company (despite globalization, America still sells 86 percent of what it makes to itself), and the tools of macroeconomic policy — interest rates, tax rates, spending programs — have no counterparts on a corporate organization chart...
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/06/opinion/off-and-out-with-mitt-romney.html?_r=1&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss
This is what they don't like seeing here:
Saturday, July 07, 2012
The Rasmussen Reports daily Presidential Tracking Poll for Saturday shows both Mitt Romney and President Obama attracting 45% of the vote. Four percent (4%) prefer some other candidate, and six percent (6%) are undecided.
10% of the voters want someone other then Romney or Obama the undecided will probably not bother to even vote given that the chouces are evil and lesser evil!
The economy remains the most important issue to voters. Health care is second, government ethics and corruption third. Just 31% give the president good ratings for handling the economy. That’s down from 41% at the beginning of May.
Currently, 27% of the nation's voters Strongly Approve of the way that Obama is performing his role as president. Thirty-nine (39%) Strongly Disapprove, giving him a Presidential Approval Index rating of -12
Thr real shame for America is the calibur of people running for office in both parties, the only answer is to abondon both controlled parties and get behind a real party that has our interent as its platform
But like everyone in Washington, I said everyone...I do not see you or your other personalities, or nay sayers showing us any comments on how things could be better.
You are the same as everyone on the Media spotlight...all full of whatever malarkey you can spit forth because you like everyone else just likes hearing yourselves talk.
You do not give a crap about Disabled Americans, Vets, Seniors, Poor, or Children born or not yet. Your whole agenda on here is to run your mouth, bad mouth all of us in a pile
Last line would be great but I think it needed to be done in 2008 when you already hated OB for color or whatever grabs ya.
Personally I think Biden would have been a better person as president. Because he actually is a person, down to earth kind of Joe. But who wants the Middle Class Representative running the USA Heck we might have jobs, better minimum wage, Social Security screened and paid back happening. We probably would not have killed as many innocent children our own included, in Wars. But he is not President. Democrats scorn him as much as they have OB so I too would like to see better party, and have fought for it for over 25 years.
I have a problem with John Kerry's wealth, even though most of it comes from his wife, who inherited it when her (Republican) husband died.
But the point is not just Romney's wealth; it's his ATTITUDE about wealth. He said himself that he LOVES firing people. He's a hypocrite and a liar. Period.
for the Lords who told him to
I do not remember too many Politicians that were not rich Carter and Clinton were lesser of filthy.
Rockefeller was one of the better Republicans because he never took any salary as Politician, he thought it tacky. Where are those Republicans of the forties, fifties, and sixties? You are not one obviously.
I never met any Lawyer that didn't skrew their clients for money, few that did pro buono work(even those were not pure of heart)
I am an Independent Democrat I do not use liberal because I think conservatively. Have always had to budget my money, time. Not self centered egotist who buys non American Products, spends my time on Cell Phone while wasting gas driving.
I actually like outdoors, clean environment, rescue animals, and care about people. Do not spend my time buying God, or going to Church pretending to be Christian or whatever.
I am just disgusted with what We have allowed this Country to become. I have worked to prevent it for 45 years...no Poltitics Sure know that my Country would be better place to live, safer, clean environment, people working if not for the Greedy Republicans....
Glad you are proud of the Red States...esp Pa who is poisoning people's water, still sending jobs out of USA, intentionally destroying water, land and animals. Enjoy the Hershey it is made in Mexico
I never voted for Religion. I used to vote for people who actually had Leadership Value. Certainly hoping we see it again Clones have no Value except to their owners or creators
I had an uncle that lived in Salt Lake City. So I heard about the secret sacred underwear for a long time (AKA magic underwear). Have you heard of the "White horse prophecy"? Do you know of the planet Kolub?
On you tube is a documentary that I saw about 8 years ago, way before Romney, and it was informative.
It is called "the god makers" parts 1 +2 and you might want to watch it just to find out or just for fun even.
I don't care what Romney believes, except that it may change a lot of things for the weird. And worse.
YOU TUBE "The god makers" and "The white horse prophecy. You can also see the underwear, which Mitts wears because he is very devout.
Romney's Actions, His Statements, His Life reads to me of someone who should not be allowed to run a Country.
Mormons...I met a lot of them, some becoming. They are more confused about their Religion and what it does or does not allow than any Faith I have encountered.
First it hates gays, but 7 years ago it embraced my friend (more for his money I am sure), then they were 'accepting' them. They do not believe in all medicine but then they preach for the Corporations, which I believe Pharms are.
They are ProLife, yet they allow our jobs to be sold to overseas for Child Labor part of that child labor is actually abuses. I believe Mormons can have several wives and most of them trade ins on new, younger ones. I find that a bit on pedaphilia, believe some of the wives at one time were just young teens So I believe all religions to be suspect, dominance/submi ssive tool of Power, greedy...so I do not Buy into it.
I do believe, just not into the Hypocrites selling it. Right now I believe the Candidates are clones..they look, talk the same. No great personality, no leader certainly no heroes. We have allowed it to happen
I do see them actually helping their people when they are in financial need, with food and money! and I think that is a distinction, as I have also lived in Nevada and have see first hand the expectations of the Catholic Cherities. Contrary to youe assessment of me above in which You are wrong. My wife and I are involved in real cherities that protect animmals and never let a homeless person go with out food. We buy the food for them and not just give them money that can be used for liquor, so don't think you know anyone because you may disagree with their comments!
"HE'S MITT ROMNEY, SUCKERS, AND THAT'S ALL THAT WE GOT LEFT BLUES"
We allowed this Government to make an ass out of us since Reagun. We allowed it so hate everyone...leav e the USA if you can't do something to change what can be changed. Move on
Your the Monumental Failure. You allowed your head to stick in a sand bar
First, thank you Mr. Pierce for using the Republican candidate's given name, Willard. Come on, Willard? The most famous Willard in history was a rat.
Second, I am sick of those who decry Mr. Obama as having a "failed" presidency. He has had the Reps saying no and obstructing him every step of the way. Could he have done better, sure, but for cripes-sake, he was the first president to get us on track to health care for all. That puts him up there with FDR in terms of the historic nature of his presidency. He got us out of Iraq - finally, a place we never should have been. He gave the order to get Bin Laden -- something his predecessor couldn't do (despite starting two wars).
Sure, he could have just said f-you to all the reps his first two years, and not tried the bipartisan "thing," and I sure wish he had, but I can't get angry with someone for thinking better of the opposition than they deserve.
Republicans won You got what you wanted. You have been stripped of the very being ...internet access. I mean after all what else do you do than rant
I know that the 'Liberals', the Independents, and others will not accept it. I know we also will remember those who put us in this position, no more free rides. We organize, we march, we petition, we boycott and the slobs live off our sweat, tears. Well, we will not be so generous with our Blood in the next round.
Remember us 'Liberal", Independents have fought for everyone...for clean air, clean water, housing, animals, jobs, Medicare, We see the slap of the past 20 years esp the past twelve.
Corporations are People...good hope they buy all their own products. Hope they can exist on themselves and the immigrants they will bring in to work for Peanuts or less. Robots are even more useful as they need no Medical, Vacation.
I do hope you all get what you wish for, I have seen it coming by the sheer wastefulness of all, your greed for stuff, waste of natural resources. I have seen it in your shopping, now you all have the right to eat Poison, and Organic Poison. Your Selfish Nature will get you exactly what you deserve Nothing..Republ icans do not care about you any more than they do about Me.
I am just able to look in the Mirror
You seem to say that liberals (the former) have no regard for ordinary people's real lives while conservatives (the latter) do.
Is this a classic example of Orwellian doublespeak or are you simply confused about the meanings of the words former and latter, liberal and conservative?
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