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writing for godot

We All Are In Denial Because We All Have PTSD

Friday, 09 December 2011 08:13
When I read about Cathy O'Brien and her life after she was recruited and groomed to be in the MK Ultra Government mind control program, I was shocked by some of the similarities to my life. I too, had undergone many intense traumas and had many of the symptoms that Cathy wrote about and testified about. I was told that I had "crazy eyes", and after reading about Cathy, I realized that I had the symptomatic hypervigilance eye characteristics of prominent, beyond normal. white schlera, and that was making an impression on people before I even had an opportunity to make a verbal impression. This was a new symptom to add to the typically common well known symptoms of PTSD: the startle effect, night terrors, hyperventilation, etc. Now I am interested in learning if we ALL may have been subjected to PTSD, and that only some of us become aware of this, because most of us prefer to be in denial so that instead of really risking to live, we mostly all mistake numbness and performance, appearance and illusion for living.

Being raised in an extremely dysfunctional family, I can see now that I could easily fit into the hypersexualized objectification paradigm that Cathy explained by using brain compartmentalization metaphors. Although my memories are unclear about any primary, and/or very early, etc., incestual abuse, there might have been something other than incest that "primed" me for Cathy O'Brien type incest-like vulnerability. (Ironically, My mother had an Irish, "O" apostrophied maiden name.)

My mother was an extreme controller, she was beyond the "Mommie Dearest", Joan Crawford-The-Movie-type. She was, a kind of would-be-social-engineering-genius who would indoctrinate us three kids, (two male siblings and I was in the middle, a lot,lol) as if we were notes on a piano that she would "play". Perhaps she was a pre cursor experimenter in the mind control trend. It is, though, a bit pointless to stay at the level of comparing relative to absolute traumas, because there seems to be an exponentially expanding slippery slope aspect to trauma. Perhaps there is a way to go beyond this slippery slope of relative (which "relative" is different from the relative involving blood ties) trauma.

Cathy O'Brien was ostensibly rescued from continuously remaining a mind-controlled de-humanized object by Mark Phillips. However, perhaps, Cathy "rescued" herself because the traumas made her so strong that her sheer endurance brought into existence the REACTIVE admiration of Mark Phillips. Perhaps this admiration was something Mark Phillips wanted for himself and perhaps he was subconsciously or consciously willing to settle for vicarious trauma, or a kind of PRACTICE trauma by association, rather than endure what to him may have seemed to be unendurable. Perhaps what Mark Phillips hoped for, again either consciously or subconsciously, was that be hoped that Cathy could show him how to share just whatever it was that made Cathy endure what she endured, in the first place.

Cathy's traumas were, and are, perhaps the necessary precursors to ascending to an EVOLUTIONARY TRANSCENDANT CONSCIOUSNESS where the slippery slope of relativity is seen as illusions of competitive PERFORMANCE. Perhaps what she and others, IMHO, myself included, has experienced, is that she has (and we have) CHOSEN to LEAP from the COMMUNICABLE RANGE of quality of life issues, into the incommunicable limitless trancendance of life and death issues, so that we, as ABSOLUTE trauma survivors have learned to avoid "sweating the small stuff". Relativity and drama and ego may be what are exchanged for an attitude of gratitude for the anxiety of ambiguity.

Perhaps there is an innate, intuitive, instinctual awareness when those who endure trauma risk experiencing AND, most importantly REFLECTING and becoming GRATEFUL for the trauma, or at least stopping the PERFORMANCE of trauma by and through awareness of its relative nature. Otherwise trauma becomes compartmentalized and there is an inability to be willing to truly survive and go on to THRIVE, REGARDLESS of the horrific qualities and quantities of so-called trauma that happens to us. Perhaps there is a unique benefit to trauma after all, namely perhaps there is an awareness that ANY and ALL trauma is still mere PRACTICE for what ABSOLUTE trauma is and can be.

Perhaps looking at trauma and at PTSD and at life in this way we all may get closer to realizing that it is absolute love and absolute humor and how we CAN use absolute love and absolute humor to prepare us in this life for trancendendance to the next evolutionary consciousness transcendence level. Perhaps and only absolute love and absolute humor can give us occasional glimpses of this limitless consciousness. Like Cathy, I have been rescued, and/or I rescued myself, with a kiss from what may be my own love for my resilience that was reflected back to me in some kisses that melted my heart that was previously (pre kisses) intent on accumulating more and more traumas. It maybe that I almost had an addiction to trauma. Now I can become addicted, instead to love and humor in their ABSOLUTE, instead of their RELATIVE sense! your social media marketing partner
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