Written by Richard Raznikov   

Macy’s has now fired Santa Claus.

For twenty years, a fellow named John Toomey has served as Santa for the big Macy’s store at Union Square in San Francisco. Toomey, now 68, is a retired caretaker for the elderly. He lives most of the year up north, in Oroville but relocates to the city when it’s time to be Santa.

Macy’s has fired him because an ‘older couple’ complained about his sense of humor.

Although most of his visitors are kids, occasionally an adult will want to sit on his lap. To adults, Toomey asks whether they’ve been bad or good; if they say ‘good’, he responds with ‘too bad.’

“Then, if they ask me why Santa is so jolly, I joke that it’s because I know where all the naughty boys and girls lives.”

That’s it, the criminal act. Twenty years. You’re fired.

Macy’s spokesperson Betsy Nelson told a reporter that “the store cannot comment because the matter involves personnel.”

But people who work at Macy’s and know Toomey have plenty to say –– although they decline to be named since store policy forbids them to talk about it. “Devastated,” one said. “People make a pilgrimage to see him every year, some for as long as 15 years. Everyone loves him. Everyone’s just heartsick about this.”

There is of course a famous film, “Miracle on 34th Street,” which will be available on your television about a hundred times between now and Christ’s Big Day, and in that film it’s actually R.H. Macy, the man who built the empire, who defends his own Santa, Kris Kringle, against the legal and psychiatric jerks who deny his identity.

In asserting that he really is Santa Claus, Kringle says: “For the past 50 years or so I've been getting more and more worried about Christmas. Seems we're all so busy trying to beat the other fellow in making things go faster and look shinier and cost less that Christmas and I are sort of getting lost in the shuffle.”

Now, 63 years later, Macy’s dead and his empire is run by schmucks.

Here’s how Santa John Toomey describes his work:

“With the children, it’s important to listen carefully to them and make sure they’re doing things properly, like brushing their teeth, helping...around the house... Then, when they tell you what they want, repeat it loudly enough so the parents can hear, and tell the child you’ll talk it over with Mrs. Santa and the elves. That way you leave it up to the parents. It’s an important job. The joking around like I did is only for the adults.”

Sadly, being older does not make one an adult.

Since you are as appalled as I am about all of this, you might want to fire off a letter or e-mail to Macy’s (and maybe your local newspaper) explaining that for the duration you no longer believe in Macy’s and plan to shop elsewhere this Christmas.

http://www.macysinc.com/contact/general.aspx