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writing for godot

The Age of Kardashian: The Cultural Ascension of the Buttox

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Written by Caleb M. Pilgrim   
Friday, 02 January 2015 13:47
The Age of Kardashian: The Cultural Ascension of the Buttox.



Both CNN and ABC, an integral part of the media bubble, have now weighed in on whether 2014 has been "The Year of the Big Butt"! If 2013 was CNN's Dr. Anthony Youn's "Year of the Butt", then 2014 may well be The Year of the Buttox. Many, however, seem to have underestimated the newer economic, political and social significance of the buttox.

As with Joi Cardwell and others, who sing "The world is full of trouble", perhaps the world is full of different types of madness. Madness, often culturally defined, percolates everywhere.

Thus, a HallMark of our Age has now been firmly established as the elongated, disproportionate, hyperbolic butt. Like some gilded, enormous bandstand, you can polish it as you would the family silver. You can now gently balance the finest crystal, exquisite champagne glass on it. You can gawk at it, or even eat it like tenderloin a la carte (as I am told some socially deviant, innovative, new avant-garde, pan-eating, hungry ATM gourmand might even do).

You can, meantime, have some intrepid underwriter appraise its value and write an insurance policy on it. After all, urban legend decreed that J.Lo had long ago insured hers for a mere $27m.

Best of all, like KK, you can now photograph it, upload it, disseminate its
picture around the globe, and make gazillions of dollars, amid an ever coarsening culture, in a graphic, unimpeded, headlong race to the gutter.

You see, not to be self-righteous, it is undeniable that we are today in a crisis
of moral chaos, collapse and confusion. Thus, 2014 as the year of the big butt or the buttox.

But, most African women, and women of African extraction, have sported these assets, with enduring anonymity, since time immemorial. They are a dime a dozen! Like the poet's "full many a flower ... born to blush unseen, and waste its sweetness on the desert air." Consider, for example, Sarah Massey, a 33 year old Chicago native, who never made it into the Guinness Book of Records. Apparently, Guinness has no category to fit it. Massey reportedly carried a 7 foot rear, which required a size 10XXL in which to fit.

And so, it rolls along in plain view, for all to see. (His few black constituents - like Ellison's Invisible Man, should so have advised Wisconsin's Rep F. James Senselessbrenner, who - sadly out of touch with contemporary cultural mores- misfocused his attack on what he insultingly derided as the First Lady's "large posterior". (Incidentally, did anyone ever question Former First Lady Nancy's brain, its depth or possible absence? Remember Trudeau, the wag, who wrote "In Search of Reagan's Brain"). Typically, black women have made precious little or no money from such virtues. Often, not a single, solitary red cent! Just ask Millie Jackson, despite her obvious talents, how much moolah did she make from her hit-less song "Butt-a-Cize"?

Now enter KK, actress, model, fashionista, designer, socialite, entrepreneur extraordinaire - 37-26-40 - who, empty as the day is long, with an abundant bustle and fairy tail, has almost singlehandedly elevated this national fetish: the buttox, as "icon" of contemporary culture. Another cultural assassin, she has wielded, manipulated and marketed this new "icon" as a weapon of cultural mass rout and destruction. From Sex Tape to Buttox, welcome then this new tyranny and despotic genie of the backside! We are, to all intents and purposes, now bamboozled, bewitched and be-dazzled by the backside.
Some, bewildered, might, on the other hand, see this as a new devastating orthodoxy, a "bum" (in the English sense) theology.

But, as an asside, at another level, it is not too farfetched to consider this obsession, this butt thing, a national security issue in light of the recent Senate Report on Torture released by Senator Diane Feinstein. Consider for instance the practice of "rectal feeding" a mystery in itself! Gen Mike Hayden, former NSA Director, in a CNN interview somehow described this as a "medical procedure". Indeed, it must be! One supposes it must be consistent with the hypocritic oath that doctors should do no harm. Qua "medical procedure", we assume it must have passed peer review. We might also ask, was the procedure thoroughly explained to the patient, its possible risks and viable alternatives? Did the patient give his informed consent? Was the procedure FDA approved? And, at an operational level, how do you feed the patient detainee in such tragic circumstances? Do you hold him upside down, pack him chockful with several hamburgers, a big Mac or two, some cheeseburgers, a large set of well salted french fries, a dozen donuts, and pour in a gallon of hot coffee, for good measure? In an age of over regulation, how did these things ever get past the Consumer Product Safety Commission, and the consummate professionalism and wisdom of a Dr. Oz or Dr. Sanjay Gupta?

Worse yet, at another level, in terms of national security,
the DHS reported in January 2008 that 81% of all counterfeit goods in the US came from mainland China! What then are we to make of these new locally manufactured counterfeit butts? Can we export some to the relatively straight, flat back, giant China market, to our economic advantage, and correct an ever burgeoning trade imbalance with China?

This relatively new obsession - the Brazilian butt-lift, (or is the Colombian?), booty injections, booty augmentations - which usually cost around $3,500, $6,000, (cut rate they could cost $1,500 to $1,800 and upwards), is clearly consistent with our fake eyelashes, fake Gucci and Michael Kors handbags, counterfeit clothes, watches, perfumes and colognes. Who gives a hoot about authenticity, any longer?

But, caveat emtor; beware that these "medical procedures" can also have tragic consequences. There have been many a botched booty job. Many murders, resulting from illegal butt injections: in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, Nevada, New York, and Pennsylvania. (Other casualties may well have been unreported). Consider the plight of Tamara Blaine, a 22 year old freshman murdered in New York by Tamira Mobley administering silicone butt injections earlier this year. Blaine was found foaming at the mouth, convulsing with seizures, then died.
Or, Karima Gordon, a Georgian woman who traveled to Mississippi to have her buttlette enhanced by Tracey Lynn Garner, a fraud, who allegedly used Fix-a-Flat, industrial grade silicone and Superglue as the main ingredients in this butt enhancing "medical procedure". Complications arose during the surgery. Karima died. The lay doctor/business woman was rightfully convicted this year for depraved heart murder, and deservedly sentenced to life imprisonment. Consider also the 22 year old UK woman, a student, Claudia Aderotimi, aspiring model and hip-hop dance star. Another fatality. This East Londoner traveled from the UK to Philadelphia in early 2011 and lost her life in a Hampton Inn in her quest for a bigger and better future. The "Black Madam", Padge Windslowe, her murderer, was subsequently convicted of third degree murder. I forgot to mention the LA beautician, Apryl Michelle Brown, who never overcame her childhood teasing as "Pancake Butt". Her 2004 botched booty injections led to quadruple amputation by 2011. Shouldn't such "medical procedures", (at the risk of misusing General Hayden's designation), not therefore come with some sort of warning label from the Surgeon General that they "can be dangerous to your health", your most important asset? Should they not also carry an expiration date to protect the poor, ignorant, uninformed consumer?

Time was when your father or grandfather, in approaching a future date, looked first for a beautiful face, a decent if not ample bosom, a pleasant, either slender or not too voluptuous, Rubenesque figure; and some measure of "character"; not necessarily in that order. (Which one of us is not familiar with the stereotype beauty of a Marilyn Monroe, Liz Taylor, chesty Dolly Parton, Pamela Anderson and others?)

Admit, dear Reader! Time and Perspective have radically changed! The "character" thing vanished out the window long ago, running like a terrified homeowner desperately exercising his duty to retreat, in the face of a violent, ill intentioned, well armed burglar! The tabloids have clearly demonstrated this not too subtle change. In the UK, page 3 of Rupert Murdoch's "Sun" illustrated such pretty faces and delightful bosoms every day. Same with earlier editions of "Playboy", "Penthouse" and "Hustler" in the US. We have succumbed to a revolution in values.

The paradigm shifted in the 1970s. Tabloid butt obsession has since guaranteed celebrity status, whether KK or J-Lo, Nicki Minaj, and (ir)regardless of talent, fabulous new money.

Let me be perfectly clear, as the late Dick Nixon would have said, I do not intend, in any way, to indict the shallowness of contemporary culture. However, candor demands we admit the elasticity and plasticity of contemporary culture as well as the fact that we live in a persistent pigsty of moral relativism and cultural chaos.

Following KK and the "late" now transitioning Bruce Jenner, for those of us who remain behind, God help all straight, flat bottomed women and men of all races. (Flat chested women need no longer worry, the axis of beauty has changed to things "bootylicious"). But, do not fear! For any rogue, speculative financier entrepreneur, there are several tens of millions of dollars (KK with net worth varyingly estimated at or above $60m, JLo's $300m, Nicki Minaj lagging behind at a meager $50m), yet to be made in exploiting this new found commodity of value, this new mandate, the majesty and idolatry of the buttox. Misplaced, perhaps, but there clearly is a growing market here, with possibly more pent-up demand than supply. This is but an aspect of pure capitalism. Straight ahead! Long live this new capitalist booty!

Caleb M. Pilgrim
e-max.it: your social media marketing partner
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