Instead of feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on the ego drama of having no family, I started to consider whether this is a trend. When I shared with others that I had zero family, (well, to be specific I have family, I am not an orphan, I am more like a despized pariah), I began to hear about the same, or similar, family "relationships". Now I am wondering if perhaps it has really always been that "family", blood "ties" are an illusion that is clung to rather than seeing family as a mere performance ritual.

Growing up and seeing the "Father Knows Best (a 1950's version of the more universaly inclusive "The Bill Cosby Show") version "brand" as an airbrushed model of what family was supposed to be, I would have been so greatful if I only knew then, what I know now. I realize now that all families, and all individuals perform as if living, but the real living only gets shared, and especially the real emotional intimacies only get shared at an enormous risk, namely if you dare to share or even show your emotional vulnerability expecting emotional intimacy in return, you had better use a buffer of ego and/ordrama, if you want to be accepted by your family.

Holidays and rituals add a thin veneer, a patina of sorts to family inclusion, but the underlying decay aspects of performance still exists. It is just that the black sheep are helped to symbolically and/or actually clean up to be presentable during socially required festivities, because their warm bodies are needed as props for the family performance.
Like the fairy tales, that have Oh! so much truth to them, at the stroke of midnight, the props turn into pumpkins, etc.

What is needed if you are going to emotionally, at least, survive your family, IMHO, is a kind of emotional valididty consciousness, otherwise you remain a family performer, and a life performer that mistakes performance for real life, and it costs you in terms of the integrity of your emotions. I am grateful I learned the difference between what is an emotional ego drama performance, (fitting into a family role identity) and emotional self validity, before it was too late, because like Mike and the Mechanic sings "In the Living Years":

"Say it loud
Say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late, when we die
To say we don't see eye to eye"

Perhaps the family serves as practice for being a family to ourself!

To hear more about what emotional self validity sounds like go to www.powerplayradiorantz.com and scroll down to Humanity 101-103 "Listen to Barbara Todish here".