Now that Mr. Bolton's got back on the bike, 
I wonder what war with Iran would look like. 
It's a smart country with an army well-made, 
Unlike the Iraq or Afghan escapade, 
With folks as one miffed with dear Uncle Sam, 
And won't take guff from the blond Hormel Ham. 

Now if up to now our wars have required 
Calling up Guard and Reserve well-attired, 
Think for a moment just what would be needed 
To subdue a country that's not yet been bleeded. 
This will take more than the bomb-meister's craft: 
Methinks what you'll need is to re-start the draft. 

And to re-start the draft and take guys away 
From their studies and sex and cell-phone array, 
Supposes our president will have to make case, 
Exploiting his honesty, cred and good grace, 
A pitch nothing less than the Perfect Cold Call, 
Unless Freedom Tower does someone make fall. 

Well, one good false-flag might another deserve, 
And how else is it that you'll get guys to serve? 
Sure, mainstream squires will do lots to help: 
"Iran grows terror like mushrooms or kelp!" 
And of the hostages do a full-blown reprise, 
Ignoring Dad Bush and the October Surprise. 

For no doubt the U.S. must go it alone, 
Along with pet Brits whom we throw a bone, 
For the rest of Europe will have nothing to do 
With John Bolton or Trump or Pompeo too, 
Having no gripe and much preferring the peace, 
'Cause war does a nation its treasury fleece. 

Our treasury, routine, and peace of mind too, 
When enemies our lights and Internet screw, 
And bill each one millions for using their phone, 
And divert New York flights to Boca Raton. 
It takes but some wonks and Iran sure has 'em, 
So God help us all should Don cross this chasm.