Borowitz writes: "The so-called polar vortex caused hundreds of injuries across the Midwest today, as people who said 'so much for global warming' and similar comments were punched in the face."
The extreme cold is pointed to by many as a reason why global warming doesn't exist. (photo: CBC)
Polar Vortex: People Making Snide Remarks About Climate Change Are Punched in Face
07 January 14
The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."
he so-called polar vortex caused hundreds of injuries across the Midwest today, as people who said "so much for global warming" and similar comments were punched in the face.
Authorities in several states said that residents who had made ignorant comments erroneously citing the brutally cold temperatures as proof that climate change did not exist were reporting a sharp increase in injuries to the face and head regions.
In an emergency room in St. Paul, Harland Dorrinson, forty-one, was waiting to be treated for bruising to the facial area after he made a crack about how the below-freezing temperatures meant that climate-change activists were full of shit.
"I'd just finished saying it and boom, out of nowhere someone punched me in the face," he said. "This polar vortex is really dangerous."
The meteorology professor Davis Logsdon, of the University of Minnesota, issued a safety warning to residents of the states hammered by the historic low temperatures: "If you are living within the range of the polar vortex and you have something idiotic to say about climate change, do not leave your house."
|
THE NEW STREAMLINED RSN LOGIN PROCESS: Register once, then login and you are ready to comment. All you need is a Username and a Password of your choosing and you are free to comment whenever you like! Welcome to the Reader Supported News community. |
