Biden Leading Trump Among Voters Who Favor Being Alive

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

04 August 20

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

ith fewer than a hundred days until the election, Donald J. Trump is trailing Joe Biden badly among voters who describe themselves as in favor of being alive.

The poll, which was conducted by the University of Minnesota, shows Biden beating Trump by a whopping thirty-one per cent among voters who call continuing to exist the issue that is most important to them.

In several swing states, including Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin, Biden has wiped out Trump’s lead by racking up huge margins among the rather-not-die-right-now demographic.

“Trump needs to do something dramatic to show voters that he, too, is in favor of them staying alive,” Davis Logsdon, who supervised the poll, said. “I’m not sure that shooting rubber bullets and tear gas at them sends that message.”

Trump’s new campaign manager, Bill Stepien, accused the media of focussing too much attention on the opinions of voters who wish to continue to breathe because of the press’s own “anti-dying bias.”

“This campaign is working overtime to identify voters who are not in favor of being alive and make sure they know that President Trump is on their side,” he said.