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Borowitz writes: "God has offered to give the people of Alabama brand new Bibles to replace the ones that Donald J. Trump signed during his visit to the state on Friday."

A crowd in Alabama waiting for Donald Trump to sign Bibles. (photo: Twitter)
A crowd in Alabama waiting for Donald Trump to sign Bibles. (photo: Twitter)

God Offers People of Alabama New Bibles to Replace Ones Trump Signed

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

11 March 19


The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

od has offered to give the people of Alabama brand new Bibles to replace the ones that Donald J. Trump signed during his visit to the state on Friday.

In a rare public statement from the famously mysterious deity, God said that He was furious at Trump “for defacing My book,” calling Trump’s signature “a wanton act of vandalism.”

“Where was Mike Pence in all of this?” God asked. “These people can’t do anything right.”

God added that He was “dumbfounded” that Trump had taken it upon himself to sign his name on a book to which he had “no relationship whatsoever.”

“I’ve got news for Trump: the Bible is not ‘The Art of the Deal,’ ” God said. “Of course, he didn’t write that book, either.”

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+24 # DongiC 2019-03-11 14:47
Reports from hell indicate that the Devil (Lucifer, Morning Star) was delighted with Trump signing those Bibles. He states that his boy, Donald J. really pulled one on the Old Guy Himself. Lucifer was quite enchanted with the whole concept of Fake News. No one knows what is going on he cooly observed and everyone is totally mixed up. "Gosh, but I love the confusion."
+19 # Wise woman 2019-03-11 18:33
Most of what trump says he did, he didn't do. As Andy points out tho, he is very good at trashing all things "good." At least he didn't chuck paper towels at the natives.
+6 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2019-03-12 05:51
I don't think the absurdity can get any worse. Signing bibles is just bizarre. And how does God know Trump did not write it?
+22 # hectormaria 2019-03-12 06:27
What every Trump supporter really needs is a new heart, an infusion of humanity. They, are making Christianity look bad with their self-centered attitude and by being so wantonly callous; their Amen have become cha-ching.
+8 # WorkingClass 2019-03-12 12:21
Sorry hector - I for one believe the Trump supporters are beyond redemption. They don't believe tacts but eat up Trumps lies, even when his latest lie, contradicts his earlier lies. These are traits of people who belong to a cult. Scary but thats what happens when people get a steady diet of PHOX (I refuse to call it news).
+16 # MD426 2019-03-12 07:58
Good one Andy!
+8 # Porfiry 2019-03-12 12:50
And people are wondering why so many folk are fleeing the churches. Reading an interesting 12-year-old book that states Jesus was executed because he struggled against political oppression, economic exploitation, and religious legitimation of the first two. As a follower of Jesus I see this too -- and struggle.
+8 # futhark 2019-03-12 18:21
You have to love the fact that Donald Trump, aka "Adulterer-in-C hief", went to Alabama to sign Bibles, that being the state in which is the state former State Supreme Court Justice and failed Republican senatorial candidate Roy G. Moore mandated that the Ten Commandments be displayed on a plaque in the rotunda of the Herlin-Torbert Judicial Building in Montgomery. This lead to the case of Glass v. Moore, in which the federal court's decision mandated removal of the plaque on grounds of violating Establishment Clause of the First Amendment, a decision Chief Justice Moore initially ignored to his ultimate peril. Read more about it here:

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