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Borowitz writes: "In a seismic shift from earlier midterm elections, the 2018 midterms have inspired the highest levels of early drinking in modern history, a new study shows."

'Democrats have overwhelmed Republicans in the early drinking tallies.' (photo: porchdrinking.com)
'Democrats have overwhelmed Republicans in the early drinking tallies.' (photo: porchdrinking.com)


Midterm Elections Inspire Historic Levels of Early Drinking

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

06 November 18

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."


n a seismic shift from earlier midterm elections, the 2018 midterms have inspired the highest levels of early drinking in modern history, a new study shows.

According to the study, which was conducted by the University of Minnesota, millions of Americans who would normally start drinking on the night of the midterms took advantage of early drinking and began consuming alcohol days and, in some cases, weeks or months before November 6th.

“We knew that there would be some early drinking, but the magnitude of that drinking is taking even experts by surprise,” Dr. Davis Logsdon, the author of the study, said. “To put it in terms that the layman can understand, we are seeing drinking that is off the Kavanaugh chart.”

Democrats have overwhelmed Republicans in the early drinking tallies, but Logsdon warned against “reading too much into” that disparity.

“Many Democrats started their early drinking on November 8, 2016,” he said. “Two years’ worth of early and in some cases heavy drinking is skewing their numbers much higher.”

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+10 # Wise woman 2018-11-06 21:01
Yeah, one can completely understand this phenomenon. The last two years have needed a little help from our friends to stay sane.
 
 
+13 # hectormaria 2018-11-07 09:44
Once again the Republicrites have shown their true cheating colors by suppressing the vote of minorities-it's the only way they can win. They spiked the punch in order to keep their control on power, they will do anything to ensure it Democracy be damned. They sell the 'super patriots snake oil', when all they are, are fascists: move over Mussolini.
 
 
+11 # logical1 2018-11-07 12:33
Trump is the fascist and the Reps will do anything to get elected without regard to morality or what is does to the United States. It is a sad state for America and our constitution, which we thought was standing the test of time.
 
 
0 # NAVYVET 2018-11-07 14:52
I drink a LOT of water, so I guess that counts as "drinking". (Use filtered tap water. To #&$$ with the bottled stuff.)

Don't you agree that things work better for everyone if we stay sober and rational?
 

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