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Borowitz writes: "Calling it a 'regrettable accident,' Amazon apologized on Thursday for shipping ten thousand advance copies of James Comey's book, 'A Higher Loyalty,' to the White House."

James Comey. (photo: Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty)
James Comey. (photo: Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty)


Amazon Apologizes for Shipping Ten Thousand Copies of Comey's Book to White House

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

14 April 18

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."


alling it a “regrettable accident,” Amazon apologized on Thursday for shipping ten thousand advance copies of James Comey’s book, “A Higher Loyalty,” to the White House.

Cartons of the book arrived early Thursday morning and kept coming throughout the day, until stacks of the book clogged virtually every hallway and office in the building.

Reportedly, Donald J. Trump was so incensed by the book situation that he screamed at Mike Pence while the Vice-President was in the middle of praising him, one source said.

The White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, called any speculation that Trump had ordered Comey’s book “absurd,” adding, “The President does not order reading material.”

Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, said that he had “absolutely no idea” how the ten thousand Comey books made their way to the White House, but advised Trump to follow the procedures on the Amazon Web site for returning unwanted merchandise.

“You can print up the return labels at home,” he said. “The books should be picked up and out of there in two weeks, three weeks, max.”

Bezos said that shipping the ten thousand books back to the company’s warehouse would not be overly costly for Amazon. “We get an amazing deal on postage,” he said.


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-88 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-04-14 14:41
Let's see. The white house is not very far from the DC Waterfront Fish Market, just a half mile or so. They need lots of paper to wrap fish in. I'd say those 10,000 books would be much appreciated by fish mongers and fish buyers alike. The fish, however, might feel differently being wrapped in lies.
 
 
+7 # chemtex2611 2018-04-14 21:42
??????
 
 
-35 # librarian1984 2018-04-14 22:58
lol. This is a big steaming pile. What other intel chief has written an attack on a current president disguised as a 'memoir'?

Comey, like Clinton, just can't shut up. They are not used to not getting their way and they don't care who gets hurt while they proclaim how they've been wronged .. over and over and over ..

Hey Hillary! Hey James! There are millions of people who have way more serious problems than your Trump Derangement.

Do some good. Grab Robert Reich and go volunteer somewhere!

I love how dextrously the left caroms from side to side: We love Comey. We hate Comey. We love him again.
 
 
-26 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-04-15 09:18
librarian -- yes, Comey is a real piece of work. But FBI directors have never been "loyal" to anyone other than the FBI. Since Hoover, they have believed presidents take their orders. This is probably the first time an FBI blackmail of a president failed to work. But Comey is still at it.

More and more, I'm starting to think that this is a war inside the republican party. Comey, Mueller, and the rest are Bush republicans. They want Trump out of their party. They want to return it to its rightful owners -- the Bush family and its many associates. The Clintons/Obamas are also part of the Bush political associates.

I think there is a re-alignment going on: Bush republicans are colluding Bush democrats (these are the Clinton/Obama democrats) to form a movement against populists from the left (Sanders) and from the right (Trump).

Comey thinks like a Karl Rove or a Lee Atwater.

You are right in saying that most fired political appointees have the decency to shut up and go away gracefully. Comey seems obsessed with getting Trump. But in the end, he will get his 15 minutes of fame just like Michael Wolff. Micheal who???? He's now vanished without a trace. In a month or two, Comey will be part of a forgotten race, those who huffed and puffed but failed to blow anything down.
 
 
+5 # ER444 2018-04-15 13:09
You are kidding, right ?
 
 
+1 # vicnada 2018-04-15 19:39
Well, RR, ultimately there is only one right opinion. I have read your long-running commentaries in defense of Russia vis-a-vis Putin's support of Trump. You defy all who have stood against his protestation that "there has been no collusion". You're clearly intelligent. When I finish reading your counterpoint, I resolve to leave with my door open just a crack despite all common sense. There is, after all, the possibility that you know something no one else knows. Adam Davidson in his Cohen-raid article (The New Yorker https://tinyurl.com/ycgdbtqo) states: "This is the week we know, with increasing certainty, that we are entering the last phase of the Trump Presidency. This doesn’t feel like a prophecy; it feels like a simple statement of the apparent truth." Soon, that "apparent truth" should be transparent. Then I will re-weigh your certain opinions on your fish monger's scales.
 
 
+2 # mbacklunds 2018-04-16 13:05
Quoting Rodion Raskolnikov:
...They need lots of paper to wrap fish in. I'd say those 10,000 books would be much appreciated by fish mongers and fish buyers alike. The fish, however, might feel differently being wrapped in lies.


Please elaborate on the "lies" assertion. Without knowing him personally, I've been giving Comey credit for basic truthfulness. What do you know to the contrary?
 
 
+1 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-04-17 17:50
mback -- this is a tall order; there's so much to talk about. Comey tries to put out the image of a perfectly moral man. But in reality, he is a very corrupt DOJ and FBI officer. In the early 2000s, he was Assiatant Attorney General under John Ashcroft. Then he was hired by Locheed Martin as general counsel to deal with the DOJ prosecution for defrauding the government out of billions of dollars. Think about this. Locheed is able to hire the Assistant Attorney General to represent it in a major prosecution by the Dept. of Justice. He also was invited at this time to join the Board of HBSC in a major money laundering prosecution. This involved the Clinton Foundation.

The most important lie he told under oath in his testimony to congress concerned the writing of the memo exonerating Hillary in the email server investigation. He was asked if he decided to exonerate her before or after Hillary was interviewed by the FBI. He said after. In fact, the memo was written before. He also lied about very many details in that investigation -- all under oath. He was covering up for an investigation that was rigged from the start.

Just read around in his record. He's a very dirty government official.

His reported net worth is $19 million. You don't save up that kind of money on a government salary!!! Of course he was paid by Locheed Martin, HBSC, and a few other corporate clients.
 
 
-8 # babaregi 2018-04-14 22:08
I don't live in D.C. but I can tell you what's happening in Super Progressive California!

The Middle Class are saying "Hasta la vista, baby!":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxiTxSUgi34
 
 
+1 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-04-15 08:54
bab -- thanks for this. It is actually a good report. I'm a transplant from LA and want to move back there but could not because of the cost of living.

What this report describes -- people leaving Calif because of the high cost of living - is only a natural process. They will eventually move back into the middle of the US and re-populate it. They will being jobs and skills with them. Migration of peoples is always economically driven.

I last lived in Santa Cruz and home prices were driven insane by the cyber idiots from San Jose and up the valley.

California is a developed and modern society for the most part. Those are expensive to maintain.
 
 
+12 # Wise woman 2018-04-14 23:48
Perhaps some bright upstart could hack into the computer's print command so the WH couldn't download any labels. They could recruit the repubs in Congress to unload the books at lunchtime to pick up some small change to be donated to the war effort in Syria. Trump could help and get in better shape.
 
 
+19 # Trumpistheswamp 2018-04-15 00:00
Roedion, I celebrate your integrity and open-mindedness in reading this book! Here I mistook you for a knee-jerk defender of Here Tweetler. If all our reich-wingers displayed your healthy curiosity what a nice thing that would be!
 
 
-17 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-04-15 09:32
Oh god. Openmindedness! I can't imagine anything more painful than reading Comey's book. I'm sure that this is prohibited somewhere in the United Nation's "The Convention Against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment"

Ah, there it is, right there in the preamble:


"For the purpose of this Convention, the term "torture" means any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person"
 
 
+2 # janla 2018-04-15 14:46
Quoting Rodion Raskolnikov:
Oh god. Openmindedness! I can't imagine anything more painful than reading Comey's book. I'm sure that this is prohibited somewhere in the United Nation's "The Convention Against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment"
, right there in the preamble:


"For the purpose of this Convention, the term "torture" means any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person"


So you haven't read it, but you have intuited what is in it? How clever of you.
 
 
+1 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-04-16 11:13
janie -- have not read what. I have read United Nation's "The Convention Against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment." I'm pretty sure Comey and Mueller both of whom support torture have not read it.

But I have not read Comey's book. I read Ken Starr's book back in the 90s when Clinton was being treated just as Trump is now. Comey's book appears to be a follow up to Ken Starr's book -- obsession with the president's sex life, loads of insults, lots of accusations, little evidence.

I won't read Comey's book. I don't see the point. There will be hundreds of reviews and commentaries and I will read some of those.
 
 
+36 # rural oregon progressive 2018-04-15 00:55
Funny piece... However, one needs to dig (not very deep) to find out what is going on here. Trump hates Bezos. So, as usual he makes stuff up. The USPS is NOT losing money on Amazon shipping, and tax payers would not be hurt even if it was. No tax dollars go to support the USPS... Rather, rate payers (you, me and other mailers) provide all postal revenue. Yes, the USPS is bleeding money. But not due to Amazon or any other large mailer... They are losing money due to a stupid rule Congress enacted in 2006 called the PAEA (Postal Accountability Enhancement Act). This act required the USPS to pay, within a 10 year window, in advance, for "future retiree health benefits" 75 years in advance. Think about that... The USPS is paying for retiree health benefits for people who are not even born yet!!! That is the entirety of the USPS annual deficit. There is no other entity, public or private who is required to meet such a financial burden. It is purely and simply the federal government "milking" the cash-cow that is the USPS. I am not a big fan of Amazon because it is the internet version of Wal-Mart, with which few can compete. However, Trump again is spewing nothing but BS on this issue. I expect that Trump will fill all the vacancies on the PRC with a batch of privatizers who will again try to destroy the best public service the US government has... (please see next post)
 
 
+1 # Ralph 2018-04-17 12:35
You sound conflicted ROP. Railing against worker healthcare and pension. Let's not forget that the USPS used to be a government entity and has now been thrown to the privatization hyenas. Our spineless reps in DC tried to prevent the total gutting of said USPS and now we have self-proclaimed "progressives" railing against pension and healthcare.

Allow me to give you a clue. F Bezos and Trump. Let's nationalize banking, insurance, energy industries. Let's create a real society. One that is not run by predatory capitalist hyenas and jackals. If it doesn't follow the rules of supply and demand, it should be nationalized. How much would you pay for that life saving medication, natural gas to heat your house in the winter, roads on which to drive to work?

Infrastructure like the USPS and our financial system are ripe for abuse as evidenced by Bezos and the criminals on Wall Street. Wake up and smell the coffee.
 
 
0 # rural oregon progressive 2018-04-17 20:02
Ralph - I am very much smelling the coffee and have been for years. I am in no way conflicted. I was a union rep as a postal employee for over 35 years... Nothing in what I wrote diminishes these facts. I was opposed to the "last mile scheme" when the USPS and Amazon signed their deal. Trump insisted that Amazon's deal was costing Tax-payers money. That is what I wrote to refute. I was merely trying to bring clarity to Trump using the USPS as a tool to attack Amazon (and Bezos). So, I chose to stick to the point. I could have elaborated on all of the misguided attempts to privatize the USPS and to destroy the hundreds of thousands of family-wage jobs in the process. However, RSN only provides a finite amount of space for comments, and I used all of them in that post. What I have seen on the part of privatizers (especially since PM General Marvin Runyon was installed in 1993) could fill a book. Unfortunately, RSN does not provide sufficient space for that accounting. So, again... Not conflicted whatsoever. Thankfully, the USPS is still a "quasi-governme nt agency". However, the notion that it should operate like a business is ridiculous. It is a public service, not a business. As such, it should not earn profits... I am confused though, if you think I am railing against healthcare and pensions. The PAEA is neither. It was a prefunding scheme not for current employees, but for people not yet born. And Congress did it to rip off the USPS, not to save it!
 
 
0 # rural oregon progressive 2018-04-17 20:52
Second post: Okay, Ralph... I get it now. I misread your intent I think the first time I responded to this. I agree with everything you wrote, and am a believer of nationalization of services that are needed. However, I honestly believe that you misunderstand what the PAEA is and was. You accept it as what it was advertised as. It was advertised as a vehicle by which future postal retirees would have their health care funded. That is NOT what it actually is. It was a a rip-off scheme. Of course the USPS (and every entity) should prefund retiree health care costs. However, this bill required it to be paid virtually immediately for people 75 years into the future. Again, for people not yet born. There is no other federal agency nor private company that has such an onerous burden. It was designed simply to steal USPS revenue to use for other purposes. Do you honestly believe that Congress has placed that money in a future postal retiree health care fund? The reality is that Congress, in passing the 2006 PAEA, did nothing but load the USPS with crushing debt, that can then be used as an excuse to dismantle and privatize it completely. There would be no need for the PAEA or prefunding if we had universal health care. Yes, there is abuse of the USPS by Amazon and Wall Street. But that abuse is and has been initiated by Congress at the behest of Corporatocracy under the guise of "Reform" such as the PAEA.
 
 
+21 # rural oregon progressive 2018-04-15 00:57
(Part 2) This video is fairly accurate and destroys Trump's whining complaint: https://www.cnbc.com/video/2018/04/14/trump-wants-to-prove-that-amazon-is-costing-the-post-office-billions-heres-why-its-not-that-simple.html
 
 
+21 # candida 2018-04-15 01:29
You must be paid well to troll, Rodi. You do enough of it! So tedious, boring and vacuous.
 
 
-17 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-04-15 09:06
candida - Voltaire would be proud of you. And thanks for your support. Maybe you can start paying me. Every little bit helps. More money = less tedium. You know how it goes.
 
 
-18 # Benign Observer 2018-04-15 09:46
Speak for yourself. I like Rodion's posts.
 
 
0 # EternalTruth 2018-04-15 14:28
The groupthink around here is truly depressing. RR has a different opinion from the majority, so he gets heckled and called a troll. He often produces solid sources backing his opinions, but do his detractors bother responding to his points? No. They scream that he’s a trolling Russian apologist bot (or whatever). This is why progressives and the left are so weak. Stop fighting against your own side and open your mind to a different opinion (like the possibility that you’re getting manipulated by the whole Russia investigation and all the propaganda surrounding it). I don’t know who to trust anymore, but I know fir damn sure the most of the players in this clusterfuck are completely untrustworthy, and even then they’re telling the truth they’re only doing if and when they think it benefits themselves. So at the very least, I can respect that someone might not buy the story coming from the liars in the two parties, in the msm, in the intelligence services, in the random sites on the internet etc. If you’re gonna disparage someone else’s opinion, at least do it with evidence instead of appeal to a bullshit consensus of known liars.
 
 
-9 # carytucker 2018-04-16 04:54
If only the Mueller group heeded the wisdom and insight of Mr/Ms Raskolnikov and his/her cadre of enthusiasts, he'd see the light, close up shop, and let the White House continue its laundry service for the Kremlin mob. No harm, no foul; let's all be grateful for Sec'y Clinton's absence and Justice Gorsuch's presence.
 
 
+4 # Benign Observer 2018-04-16 16:39
You can thank Obama for Neil Gorsuch, and Hillary for Hillary, or is that the thing now, infantilize women and blame everybody/thing else?

Sorry you're so threatened by ideas and words. The world must be a scary place for you.

So why exactly are you on a discussion forum? It sounds like you're looking for a cave with an echo.
 
 
+2 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-04-16 07:15
Eternal -- thanks for this. I totally agree. We should try to have informed discussions. Of course, there will always be differences in opinions and none of us has all the facts. Mostly we are commenting on news stories that skew facts in very troubling ways.

I'm mostly appalled that so-called progressives have now lined up behind people like Brennan, Comey, Mueller, and all the rest as if they were somehow heroes of the democratic party. It is the theory of "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." So because Comey attacks Trump, he must be OK. People are not willing to say that Trump is horrific and so in Comey. Hell with both of them.

It is worse to see democrats or pseudo-progress ives attacking Trump from the right. Some are now calling for "a clear policy on Syria" which means regime change, no fly zone, and open war. Trump looks like the peace president.

Things are really messed up and simply rooting for the home team isn't helping. We are in the era of independent politics and voters. There are about as many independents as there are republicans and democrats combined. I'm an independent. We get no coverage or respect from the media which only wants loyal followers.
 
 
+13 # elizabethblock 2018-04-15 13:12
“The President does not order reading material.”
Indeed!
 
 
+1 # Icon 2018-04-15 19:05
Best laugh I've had in weeks!! Keep it UP!!!
 

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