Fired Trump Staffers Hold Reunion

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

02 April 18

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

ormer White House staffers who were fired by Donald Trump held their first reunion on Easter Sunday in Houston’s Astrodome.

The event, which drew a crowd of approximately sixty-five thousand people, had been organized by the recently axed Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.

“The turnout is just outstanding,” a beaming Tillerson told reporters. “Of course, most of these people didn’t have anything else to do.”

The reunion was a veritable Who’s Who of dismissed Trump staffers, with such luminaries as Anthony Scaramucci, Sean Spicer, H. R. McMaster, Reince Priebus, and Steve Bannon spotted side by side at a make-your-own-taco station.

While the event ran smoothly for the most part, there was one minor hiccup when David Shulkin, the former Secretary of Veterans Affairs, was briefly denied entry until he could prove that he had actually been fired rather than having resigned.

“We made it very clear from the outset that this party was for fired staffers only,” Tillerson said. “But once David walked us through exactly how he got canned we were, like, O.K., you can come in.”

Given the success of the reunion, Tillerson said that it was “more than likely” that he would schedule a similar gathering for next year, but added, “We’re going to need a bigger stadium.”