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Borowitz writes: "Reaching the opposite conclusion of many of their committee peers, Republican members of the House Intelligence Committee said on Tuesday that the Japanese did not meddle in the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941."

Representative Mike Conaway, R-TX, a member of the House Intelligence Committee, speaks to members of the media on January 18, 2018. (photo: Andrew Harnik/AP)
Representative Mike Conaway, R-TX, a member of the House Intelligence Committee, speaks to members of the media on January 18, 2018. (photo: Andrew Harnik/AP)


House Republicans Say Japanese Did Not Meddle in Pearl Harbor

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

13 March 18

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."


eaching the opposite conclusion of many of their committee peers, Republican members of the House Intelligence Committee said on Tuesday that the Japanese did not meddle in the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941.

“After an exhaustive investigation, we have come to the conclusion that there was no attempt by the Imperial Japanese Navy Air Service to influence the outcome of Pearl Harbor,” Rep. Mike Conaway, a Republican of Texas, said. “Any suggestion to the contrary amounts to nothing more or less than a witch hunt.”

Conaway said that while there were Japanese bombers in the vicinity of Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, their role in the attack there has been “blown out of proportion.”

“Is it possible that some of their planes were flying in places they shouldn’t have flown and dropping some things that they shouldn’t have dropped, by accident?” Conaway said. “Absolutely. Does that prove that there was intent to meddle in Pearl Harbor? Absolutely not.”

The House Republican praised his fellow G.O.P. committee members for “finally putting the controversy of Pearl Harbor to rest.”

“December 7, 1941, is a day that will live in a big misunderstanding,” he said.


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+56 # Wise woman 2018-03-13 16:54
Most assuredly sounds like what a Republican would say. The Greedy Old Perverts have been looking at the mirror of history backwards for years. Thanks Andy for today's chuckle.
 
 
-27 # harleysch 2018-03-14 03:32
Andy -- not so funny, falls way short of your usual sharp irony. Unlike the charges of "Russian hacking," there was actual evidence that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor!
 
 
+8 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-03-14 06:34
It is a little like the State Department saying that its agencies the National Endowment for Democracy, the International Republican Institute, and the National Democratic Institute are promoting democracy around the world. The did not overthrow the legitimately elected president of Ukraine; rather they brought democracy. Same in Venezuela and about a hundred more cases around the world.

In Washington, it all depends on how you name something. Paul Street has a good article on Counterpunch called "Notes on Terminology"

https://www.counterpunch.org/2018/03/13/notes-on-terminology/
 
 
+3 # Working Class 2018-03-14 15:03
Yes Rodion. For those of you who want to read a book on our pre-emptive wars and underhanded dealings of regime change I suggest the book "Overthrow".
 
 
+13 # Porfiry 2018-03-14 06:47
Will they next absolve Hitler and the Nazis from invading Poland, Russia, France, etc.? And how about Napoleon, Genghis Kahn and all the other poor misunderstood figures in history?
 
 
+7 # krazykwiltkatt 2018-03-14 19:30
Did you check out how many oligarchs in the USA were actively helping Hitler to rearm Germany? A small list: Harriman Brothers through their bank Brown Brothers Harriman, Prescott Bush through his bank Union Bank, Koch brothers father, Standard Oil partnered with IG Farbin, produced Zyklon B gas....let's not absolve anybody through the selective culling of historical facts.
 
 
+1 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-03-15 07:39
krazy -- and then after WW II these same corporations, bankers, and wall street tycoons created the CIA with help from thousands of Nazi intelligence specialists they sprung out of Germany and brought to the US. This is the gift that keeps on giving -- Wall Street Bankers and Lawyers and their connections to Nazis.
 
 
+3 # randrjwr 2018-03-15 20:32
Quoting Rodion Raskolnikov:
krazy -- and then after WW II these same corporations, bankers, and wall street tycoons created the CIA with help from thousands of Nazi intelligence specialists they sprung out of Germany and brought to the US. This is the gift that keeps on giving -- Wall Street Bankers and Lawyers and their connections to Nazis.


And let us not forget that our own space program was built on Nazi expertise (which gave us the infamous V-2) with Werner von Braun leading the way. They called them "Peenemunde Retreads" and I, myself, worked with one of them at Bell Aerospace in the 70s and early 80s. (For the youngsters in the readership, Peenemunde was the name of the main Nazi test facility.)
 
 
+3 # Salus Populi 2018-03-15 23:04
Let's not forget the non-Wall Streeters involved, as well: Ford Motor Company, GM, ITT, Dupont, Goodyear, IBM, and on and on. Charles Higham's "Trading With the Enemy" is the indispensable resource book for the whole story. Even more egregiously, after the war was over, GM successfully sued the U.S. taxpayers for damages to their German subsidiary's factories that were producing instruments that were used to kill U.S. GIs. When a mid-level State Department employee attempted to blow the whistle on this outrage, he was deported to his native Colombia so that the cover-up could continue.

Another blot on the escutcheon was FDR's decision not to enforce the Trading With the Enemy Act, and instead put, of all people, Allen Dulles in charge of "keeping an eye" on the criminal corps. In late seventies-early eighties issue sof CovertAction and Counterspy can be found articles on the close relationships Dulles cultivated with top-level Nazis, with whom both he and his brother John Foster were highly sympathetic.
 
 
+29 # tclose 2018-03-14 07:42
The absurdity of Andy's satire is only matched by the absurdity of the conclusions of the GOP members of the House Intelligence Committee.
 
 
+5 # elkingo 2018-03-14 15:42
O that's so cool. Of course, more seriously Rodion and others, mangling language mangles history, and we live in a fully Orwellian age. Still, such sheer bullshit is perfectly akin to Hitler's Big Lie technique: "If the lie is big enough, people will believe it." He's right too. Another Big Lie is that Trump is fit to be president.
 
 
+6 # elkingo 2018-03-14 15:45
Harleysch:
There is no such evidence at all, as Andy rightfully cites the honest Repugs, unless you mean the deliberate sinking of the Arizona by the Girl Scouts of America as a ruse.
 
 
+2 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2018-03-15 07:36
The relevant question is what was the US doing meddling in Hawaii's affairs in the first place. When the Japanese meddled, Hawaii was a US colony. Colonizing another sovereign nation is meddling at its very worst. The US was systemically extinguishing indigenous Hawaiian culture, language, customs.

I don't think nations should meddle in the affairs of other nations. That's is enshrined in international law by the UN Charter and many universal conventions adopted following it. Meddling means colonization, bombing, regime changes, building military bases, threatening war, and all the rest that are norms for empires.
 
 
-1 # randrjwr 2018-03-16 22:57
It's what we do. It's our national heritage. What do we care about international law, the UN or being a good citizen of the world? Putin isn't the only one who says "So what?"
 

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