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Borowitz writes: "Donald J.Trump slurred his speech during his announcement about Jerusalem on Wednesday because of 'low-battery issues' with Vladimir Putin’s remote, the White House said on Friday."

President Trump. (photo: Mandel Ngan/Getty Images)
President Trump. (photo: Mandel Ngan/Getty Images)


Trump’s Slurred Speech Tied to Low Battery in Putin’s Remote

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

08 December 17

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."


onald J.Trump slurred his speech during his announcement about Jerusalem on Wednesday because of “low-battery issues” with Vladimir Putin’s remote, the White House said on Friday.

Speaking to the White House press corps, the press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said that Trump’s slurred speech was “a case of what happens when President Putin doesn’t change the batteries in his remote frequently enough.”

“President Trump makes public appearances several times a day,” Sanders said. “In the course of those appearances, President Putin’s remote can drain its battery very quickly.”

Calling Putin’s remote-control operation of Trump “far from glitch-free,” Sanders said that there have also been problems with the Russian leader’s attempts to control Trump’s thumbs when he tweets in the early-morning hours.

“Sometimes President Putin has tried to operate President Trump’s thumbs and there has been the same low-battery issue,” she said. “This has resulted in random capital letters, misspellings, and, in some cases, gibberish.”

Sanders scolded the press for speculating that Trump’s slurred speech was the result of problems with dentures or his brain. “We are working with tech support to resolve the issue,” she said.


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+21 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2017-12-08 15:41
Damn, Andy, you should not be letting this out. I'm sure all the Hillary Trolls on RSN will now accuse me of shirking my job to keep Putin's remote control charged up. Honestly, they were fully charged when he started out.
 
 
+5 # ericlipps 2017-12-09 11:29
What "Hillary Trolls"? It's the anti-Hillary and pro-Trump trolls, you included, from whom we seem to be hearing.
 
 
0 # CDMR 2017-12-09 13:04
Eric -- you, for one. You have been a Hillary Troll for a long time. At least RR is an independent thinker. But like many things, a Troll often does not know he is a Troll.
 
 
-2 # librarian1984 2017-12-10 10:30
Quoting ericlipps:
What "Hillary Trolls"?


YOU!!
 
 
+50 # Wise woman 2017-12-08 18:55
Andy's pieces are coming fast and furious. He's on a roll. Trump is providing hour by hour possibilities for him to grab and run with. Never has a president been this rich with satirical material. He's a winner!!
 
 
-32 # babaregi 2017-12-09 00:28
For those here with an open mind, I'd like to share a link to a bit of old school reason:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSumJxQ5oy4

"If we can't persuade the public that it's desirable to do these things, then we have no right to impose them -- even if we had the power to do it." --Milton Friedman

This statement of Milton Friedman's is a perfect representation of the moral difference between Libertarians and modern US Liberals (you Socialists).
 
 
+15 # Kootenay Coyote 2017-12-09 11:07
Friedman's epigram had no effect on the imposition of his shoddy & false economic hypotheses under Reagan, did it?
 
 
-2 # babaregi 2017-12-09 18:45
Quoting Kootenay Coyote:
Friedman's epigram had no effect on the imposition of his shoddy & false economic hypotheses under Reagan, did it?


Not an argument but you're welcome to make one based upon the interview.
 
 
+20 # hectormaria 2017-12-09 11:16
Should we apply that saying to the Republicrites in Washington? There are plenty of examples of the Republicrites shoving down the throat of the country laws that the greater majority do not want imposed on them: latest example is the tax bill and Obamacare repeal.
 
 
+43 # draypoker 2017-12-09 06:47
Trump's real problem is that he is ill educated and ignorant. He is unfit for office at any level.
 

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