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Borowitz writes: "In a unique accord, the billionaire Koch brothers and the National Rifle Association have reached a timeshare agreement over the ownership of House Speaker Paul Ryan, representatives of both parties have confirmed."

Paul Ryan. (photo: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
Paul Ryan. (photo: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

Koch Brothers and NRA Reach Timeshare Agreement Over Ownership of Paul Ryan

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

04 December 17


The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

n a unique accord, the billionaire Koch brothers and the National Rifle Association have reached a timeshare agreement over the ownership of House Speaker Paul Ryan, representatives of both parties have confirmed.

Speaking on behalf of the Kochs, Charles Koch said that he contacted the N.R.A.’s executive director, Wayne LaPierre, with the timeshare proposal “so that we could all get the maximum enjoyment out of owning Paul.”

The arrangement is intended to minimize conflicts between the Kochs and the gun group that have arisen in the past when both co-owners have wanted to use Ryan at the same time, Koch said.

“I said to Wayne, ‘This is craziness,’ ” he said. “’Let’s work something out where you get Paul half the year, and we’ll take him the other half.’”

Under the timeshare deal, the Kochs will have the exclusive use of Ryan during the months when tax cuts and environmental deregulation are put to a vote, while the N.R.A. will have him for the months when gun legislation is to be defeated.

Additionally, each co-owner is responsible for insuring that Ryan is well maintained and in good condition when the other’s period of using him commences.

Koch indicated that, if the timeshare agreement is a success, the two parties are likely to work out a similar deal for their longtime joint ownership of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. your social media marketing partner


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+51 # Wise woman 2017-12-04 16:56
That should work out really well. The granny starver will be put to good use wreaking the Planet and the 99%. Also good to note that if this arrangement works, McConnell will be their next toy. Mindless greed runs their well oiled (pun intended) plans.
+3 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2017-12-04 18:39
Who will get Paul Ryan's weinermobile? Maybe they will share it.
+28 # RWPrice 2017-12-05 07:24
Brilliant. This is a work of genius. So absurd yet so truely captures these scum.
+4 # librarian1984 2017-12-06 00:35
The GOP has tacked a reciprocity amendment onto a bipartisan bill. It totally ignores states' ability to have their own laws. Hypocrites! It will mean that every state must accept the gun laws of the most lenient state.

Police officers will not be able to check to see if a person carrying from another state has had their license revoked. Democrats offered amendments to say licensed carriers could not carry across state lines if they've been convicted of domestic violence or stalking, or that states didn't have to allow concealed carry in SCHOOL ZONES, among others -- and those GOP SOBs sat there and voted them all down. And the disinformation they slung around! It drew flies!!

Rep. Dina Titus (Las Vegas) said, "NV has liberal gun laws but even we don't believe teenagers or someone who's been convicted of a violent crime .. should have a license to carry a concealed weapon ...

"And adding a study (about bumpstocks) is like building a monument. You won't do anything else and a study like this won't tell you anything because there is so little reporting of bumpstocks. You want a study, come study those 58 crosses in my district. Then you'll see what bumpstocks do."

After GOPers said this was just like cross-state driver's licenses Rep. Alcee Hastings (FL) showed sponsor Goodlatte his driver's license and concealed carry permit and noted the difference, that the license showed it was current. 'Can an officer detain someone?' 'No.'

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