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Borowitz writes: "Saying that the problem 'is far worse than I imagined,' Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Wednesday urged First Lady Melania Trump to intensify her campaign against cyberbullying."

First Lady Melania Trump. (photo: Remo Casilli/Camera Press)
First Lady Melania Trump. (photo: Remo Casilli/Camera Press)


Jeff Sessions Urges Melania to Work Harder on Campaign to Stop Cyberbullying

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

27 July 17

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."


aying that the problem “is far worse than I imagined,” Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Wednesday urged First Lady Melania Trump to intensify her campaign against cyberbullying.

Speaking to reporters from his office at the Justice Department, Sessions said that, whatever Mrs. Trump had done to eliminate the scourge of cyberbullying, “It clearly has not been enough.”

“From my perspective, cyberbullying is very much a growing problem,” he said. “And with every passing day it gets worse and worse.”

Sessions said that, while he understands that Mrs. Trump has many other responsibilities as First Lady, “anything you can do to get cyberbullying to stop will be very much personally appreciated by me.”

“Please help,” he said, his voice quavering.

In an official statement released later in the day, the First Lady said that she had “kind of forgotten” about her campaign to stop cyberbullying but that she would “get right on it.”


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+38 # Wise woman 2017-07-27 16:23
First step, Melanie: have a serious sit down with your husband. I know with his brief attention span you'll probably have a problem. Just print out the letters, CYBER BULLYING. Maybe he'll get it. If not, at least you tried which I'm sure by now you're really good at.
 
 
+11 # grandlakeguy 2017-07-28 00:09
Good Idea Wise woman but I do not think that her husband ever learned how to read.
He gets all of his information from Fox News!
 
 
+11 # ericlipps 2017-07-28 04:39
Quoting Wise woman:
First step, Melanie: have a serious sit down with your husband. I know with his brief attention span you'll probably have a problem. Just print out the letters, CYBER BULLYING. Maybe he'll get it. If not, at least you tried which I'm sure by now you're really good at.

You're assuming Donald Trump could be brought to understand that cyberbullying (or any other kind of bullying) is a problem when he's not the target. I wouldn't bet on it.
 
 
+11 # futhark 2017-07-28 02:14
President Trump doesn't seem to have mastered many interpersonal skills, but I doubt if anyone could surpass him in competitive cyberbullying. Maybe he should write a book. You know, "Cyberbullying for Dummies", or something along those lines. Show the amateur punk cyberbullies how its really done! After demonstrating his talent (?) and revealing his secrets(?), maybe he would start getting some of the respect and credit that he so desperately craves.
 
 
+10 # Buddha 2017-07-28 07:53
Republicans in his cabinet and in Congress will not find their spine and admit Trump's clear insanity until GOP voters finally wake up to their being bamboozled yet again. While they keep living in Narnia and support Trump, and more importantly while tax cuts for billionaires remains unaccomplished, they will stick with him all the way to the final "bunker scene".
 
 
+6 # tarantilla 2017-07-28 22:18
I like this Mr. Buddha. Trouble iis Trump supporters will never "wake up" They love this guy like God. He is draining the swamp and populating it with slime. He is a "different" kind of politician, a barbarian, crude and cruel.
 

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