David Brooks Is Having a Blue Christmas

By Charles Pierce, Esquire

26 December 13

h, no. Another icon falls. And David Brooks gets another boo-boo.

So what led to the Red Lobster's unfortunate demise? Since the economic downturn, restaurants similar to Red Lobster have suffered as consumers have become more careful about how they spend their money. People are opting to pick chains like Chipotle over Red Lobster or Olive Garden, as the former tends to take less time than a sit-down restaurant and cost less.

So what does this have to do with Public Intellectualism and the study of Humility, you ask? Well, even though he is most closely associated with Applebee's and its salad bars, which actually do exist, Red Lobster figures prominently in Sasha Issenberg's epic takedown of David Brooks in Philadelphia Magazine.

"On my journeys to Franklin County, I set a goal: I was going to spend $20 on a restaurant meal. But although I ordered the most expensive thing on the menu - steak au jus, 'slippery beef pot pie,' or whatever - I always failed. I began asking people to direct me to the most-expensive places in town. They would send me to Red Lobster or Applebee's," he wrote. "I'd scan the menu and realize that I'd been beaten once again. I went through great vats of chipped beef and 'seafood delight' trying to drop $20. I waded through enough surf-and-turfs and enough creamed corn to last a lifetime. I could not do it."

Taking Brooks's cue, I lunched at the Chambersburg Red Lobster and quickly realized that he could not have waded through much surf-and-turf at all. The "Steak and Lobster" combination with grilled center-cut New York strip is the most expensive thing on the menu. It costs $28.75. "Most of our checks are over $20," said Becka, my waitress. "There are a lot of ways to spend over $20."

They should at least leave the one in Chambersburg open, and rename the surf-and-turf after David Brooks, who is neither.

Charlie has been a working journalist since 1976. He is the author of four books, most recently "Idiot America." He lives near Boston with his wife but no longer his three children.