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writing for godot

Telling apart the presidential wannabes

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Written by William F. Pickard   
Sunday, 08 February 2015 10:26
Telling apart the presidential wannabes:
Tweedledum, Tweedledee, Tweedledis, Tweedledat, …


What do Joni Ernst (junior senator from Iowa) and the late Errol Flynn (Hollywood superstar) have in common? Both claimed to be experienced at castrating certain farm animals! Of course this tells us virtually nothing about their political savvy or how they would function in an elected public office. But it is a memorable detail, and it surely does serve to fix them in one’s memory.

By contrast, the Iowa Agriculture Summit coming up on March 7 in Des Moines has invited a scad of potential candidates to give twenty minute talks on material of agricultural significance. No one knows precisely who will show. But already invited are: Joe Biden, Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Hillary Clinton, Ted Cruz, Andrew Cuomo, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal, John Kasich, Martin O’Malley, Rand Paul, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio, Rick Santorum, Donald Trump, Tom Vilsack, Scott Walker, Elizabeth Warren, and Jim Webb. That’s already twenty-some potential wannabes, and Bernie Sanders wasn’t even mentioned.

That’s more candidates than I (We?) can tell apart even if each has had unforgettably unusual irrelevant experiences. So what’s a candidate to do to rise above the fray  to stand out from the pack?

In fact, I don’t know. But I suspect that the candidate’s Focus Groups will say: “Don’t make enemies! Obfuscate to the electorate. Create a loveable straw man for that which you dislike, and a reprehensible straw man for that which you like, and then meander off into a discussion of situational ethics. If you fall into a dubious quagmire by (for example) either lauding the President’s stance on nuclear waste disposal or bragging on the F-35 fighter, deploy copious philosophical blather while the clock runs out.”

In my mind’s eye, I imagine the Focus Groups saying: “Sympathize with those in pain and give voice to their suffering. If you love the common man and show it, there’s a chance that he will love you in return; but don’t necessarily count on it!”

Again I hear them saying: “Reputations can be built by tweaking existing programs. Whereas he who would call upon our nation to confront tomorrow’s big problems while they are still today’s little problems is doomed to fail. Hell! Seventy years into the Atomic Age, and we’re barely out of the starting gate on permanent disposal of nuclear waste. This the public takes supinely!”

But the above are only imagined responses of imaginary Focus Groups. Real Credentialed Reporters somehow manage to get real responses from Politicians’ People and sometimes even from the Politicians themselves. With THAT sort of power, telling Tweedledum from Tweedledee becomes a rather less daunting task! Consider, for example, Bigwig X, a leader wannabe in country Y. Imagine the Real Credentialed Reporter saying: “It delights me, Bigwig X, that our country is moving swiftly forward installing renewable electricity generation. So swiftly, in fact, that – if we keep upping the installation rate – our nation’s entire electric energy needs could be met by renewables in 2050. Is such a switch essential to our national security?” X will almost surely make a happy response to the installation rate; but different Tweedles will have rather different views on national security. And the public has a duty to demand a clear answer from X. RCR then continues saying: “Obviously, this renewable generation is episodic and using it efficiently will require massive electricity storage during times of plenty. What extant and well-validated technologies will your Administration recommend for this storage?” If no clear and reasoned answer is forthcoming, then Bigwig X doesn’t deserve your vote. Different Tweedles may have different answers, but the fiscal implications are so staggering that they’d damned better have thought the matter through. RCR then endeavors to administer the coup de grâce: “How many gigawattdays of electricity storage do your advisors believe will be necessary to undergird our nation's electricity grid in 2050?” Again, legitimately, different Tweedles may have different answers: but any Tweedle who blows the question off, should be sent packing.

In 2008 and 2012 determined efforts were made by the non-profit organization Science Debate to get the wannabes to debate one another on matters of technical significance to the United States. Those efforts failed. In 2016 the wannabes deserve rather more persistent questioning.


William F. Pickard, older ‘n’ dirt, is a retiree (from Washington University in Saint Louis) who specializes in energy matters. He’s pretty much clueless as to how to how the crises confronting America might be surmounted. But at least he has had the good grace not to stand for public office.

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