Lights up

He or She: Please don’t get me wrong.  I would NEVER vote for Trump.  The eight-foot high, God-knows-how-thick, brick wall idea is a real turn-off.  Anyway, I like Mexicans.  I’d build toll-free highways and bridges.  I don’t want to ban or deport millions of Muslims either.  And I don’t think that giving mega-corporations obscene tax breaks would do any good at all.  I certainly don’t agree that climate change is a fantasy invented by the Chinese.  So I don’t want to discuss those crappy ideas, never mind the size of his…  his hands.  He’s pro-torture for Chrisakes!  So you don’t have to worry that I might vote for him.  But I do wonder if you could answer some of my questions.

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: Right!  Trump says a no-fly zone over Syria would cause nuclear war with Russia.  Wouldn’t nuclear war with Russia be bad for the environment?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: OK.  Let’s drop that question.  How about this one: Trump says that rich nations like Japan, South Korea, and Saudi Arabia, as well as some European Union nations ought to pay for their own defense.  Exactly what is the problem with that?  I’d really like to know.

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: No, no.  You’re not answering my question.  I’m really interested in discussing why rich nations shouldn’t pick up the tab for their own defense.

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: Trump says he admires Putin, and Putin seems to like him.  Could you explain what exactly is wrong with improving relations with Russia?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: Trump has promised to surveil Muslims in this country, but Hillary is pro universal surveillance.  Do you see a problem with this?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: I mean the truth seems to be that Hillary did very little as Secretary of State to bring about peace in the Middle East.  Isn’t she a pawn in the pocket of the Saudis and Netanyahu?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: Trump says that the race between Hillary and Bernie was fixed by the DNC.  Wasn’t it?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: What about the whole super-delegate thing?  The voter purges?  The poll closings?  The exit polls?  Debbie Wasserman Shultz?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: Wait!  I’m not talking about Trump here.  I ‘m talking crooked politics!

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: Can we change the subject a minute?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: Don’t Hillary’s ties to Wall St. matter?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: PLEASE!  Why did Hillary until very recently support Fracking and the TPP?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: ENOUGH WITH TRUMP.   I will NEVER vote for Trump!  NEVER!

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: Right!  But listen: The nonpartisan Foundation for Accountability and Civic Trust (FACT) placed Clinton at the top of its worst ethics violators of 2015 list after finding “overwhelming evidence” she abused her official position as Secretary of State.  What do you have to say about that?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: Why do you always come back to the Trump-is-an-asshole thing?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

(Pause…  three beats)

He or She: OK.  I’ve gotta try something.  Why does 1% milk cost the same as whole milk?

Media Person: What?

He or She: Why does 1% milk cost the same as whole milk?  They take out the cream and sell it separately.  Shouldn’t milk with less cream be cheaper?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

(Pause…  one beat)

He or She: OK…   I’m starting to get it…  Maybe you’d be able to answer this: Why do they make cars without bumpers?  Everyone gets dings in parking lots.  What happened to the bumpers?  Wouldn’t bumpers on cars mean fewer dings?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: I mean, they disappeared bumpers and no one noticed.  Why didn’t anyone notice?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

(Pause…  three beats)

He or She (frustrated): After the election, Trump will fade.  He no longer will be an issue, right?

Media Person: Trump is a liar, a racist, and a sexual predator.

He or She: OK! I GET IT!  You have only one answer to any and every question before the election.  And after the election, we can blow it out our ass!

Media Person: Whew!  I’m so relieved.  I thought you’d never get it.

Lights out!