Written by Robert S. Becker   

Bravo, Tea Party, Bulwark for Nonstop Demagogues


Let’s give the snarling, three-pointed Devils their due. Tea Party backers and insurgents found in Ted Cruz a slick, shiny face to dish out its latest rendition of raising Cain, that is, elevating gasbag demagoguery. I suspect this perverse 20% minority, thrilled at the duration of its chokehold, remains flummoxed such valor didn’t crack Obamacare wide open. You know, just like those intrepid Texans who defeated Santa Ana at the Alamo. Oh, few Texans and a massacre.

Yet let us dwell not in easy gloating that patriotic rightwingers didn’t just fail (though the sequester holds) but fell on their smug fat faces, triggering a deluge of disapproval. Instead, behold we see today’s exceptionalism by “true Americans,” with bragging rights unmatched by any other public entity. Who else would have traded mere gridlock (old stuff) for the drama of hostage-taking wherein the thugs, oddly enough, took themselves hostage? Now that’s news, if not humor, even in Washington.

Name another gang that so fluidly uncovers new heroes to replace fallen champions: like Halloween cemetery goblins, an inexhaustible parade of goons and buffoons marches on. Here finally is what the Tea Party does best: pinpointing pinheads of demagogic dogmatism, an army of toy Christian soldiers marching as to war, okay, the wrong time at the wrong time. No one, after all, is perfect, even God’s chosen.

Let us also celebrate, if only for the historic record, the staying power of this temper tantrum. What else caused gobsmacked pundits to scour history for kinship, whether Confederate crusaders for slavery, racists fuming over civil rights, Bible-thumpers furious at gay, minority and women’s right, or simply tin-ear cranks bemoaning Social Security and Medicare? This mayhem, alas, has various silver linings: the extended TP third finger offended both the Union majority and its own party leaders. Bring it on, tea baggers, the sacred gospel of leaping first and having your brains fall out.

Rightwing Messiah Catapult

Only second to Hollywood at clothing modest talents with celebrity, the vast Rightwing PR Catapult sends candidates for glory into a battle of wits but demonstrably unarmed. Stand aside Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton or Britney Spears, fatuous hustlers famous for being famous. Enter as if ready for prime time: Senator Cruz, the latest primitive dragged from the subterranean, evangelical landscape of our rural heartlands. Look, guys: aren’t Dubya and Rick Perry enough Texas blessings for one generation, on the heels of Tom DeLay or Dick Armey? Must Texas harvest new flashes in the pan that glow brightly, then descend to infamy, if not incarceration? However inexhaustible is the Tea Party Poseur production line, how many have any staying power? Not a one so far.

Of course, success reflects how many swamps the Tea Party dips into, already recruiting Palin and Bachmann, or Trump and Herman Cain. And every one a bona fide know-nothing who instantly turned know-it-all, with unimpeachable skill-sets. True, no Texas yet has dislodged Ms. Palin as the least prepared, most bizarre national nominee ever from a major party. But not from lack of trying. At least Cruz won’t quit early: he’s having such fun discovering how his mischief gets him national coverage.

So far, Cruz falls short in turning his slapstick into Joe McCarthy rampages, in part because the Texan achieved in months what McCarthy took years to accomplish: severe Senate condemnation and national disgrace. However Cruz razzle-dazzled the House, his Senate career as power broker is over before it started, crash-landing after a single launch. His noble sacrifice managed, in fact, to combine three huge negatives without one offsetting positive: No! to government operation, No! to keeping our AAA credit, and No! to Obamacare, not so strangely more popular as a result. Three whiffs are a political strike-out, whatever the TP fundraising gains. That crippled maverick won’t hunt.

More Misrule & Dems Feast

Further, if doomed shenanigans put House control at risk, or spur extremist challenges to incumbents, then establishment Rethugs will be forced to pony up unplanned millions for damage control – and that’s just to sustain the status quo. What if Cruz’ fiasco waylays needed funds away from winnable Senate battles? Like Palin, Cruz’ charisma is a double-edge sword: attracting media also means your demise maximizes damage to a fractured, leaderless party. Hammering wedges into already painful splits looks like a permanent minority tactic. Further, a tumult of House misrule not only jeopardizes the GOP majority but sets up what Democrats haven’t done since Truman: win three presidencies in a row, against all odds.

After all, the sweep of Tea Party failures grows by the week: this rump can’t govern, slurs good government, lies with abandon (with crude, instantly-checkable deceit!), won’t compromise with clear majorities, and glories in a Confederate-like, unchristian dives into racism laced with scorn for the downtrodden. Did I forget utter flops at fiscal management, failed foreign affairs support for military nightmares, bloated defense spending and unpopular surveillance of anything that moves. All dished out with the gravy of laughable conspiracy theories on Obama, the dead-end of Benghazi, and my favorite: the hoax of climate change that thunders nearer and threatens all of mankind.

Other than discredited non-ideas (trickle down, taxes are evil, government a menace, especially the EPA and the ACA), what will the TPGOP sell that hasn’t long passed its expiration date? Hatred of Obama willy-nilly fades when the next white candidate surfaces. What benefits acrue from rearguard defiance of gay rights, or women’s rights, or voting rights? Or talking up Romney-friendly tax folly that grows deficits then applied, absurdly, with TP bludgeoning of government when bills come due?

Finally, Cruz isn’t only the latest “phony,” in Catcher in the Rye terms: he’s already drawing unusual slap-downs, as when Harry Reid dismissed this “laughingstock.” Republican Peter King, among many other GOPers, is no less withering: “if you come up with a strategy that’s going to shut down the government of the United States, and you have no way of winning, you’re either a fraud or you’re totally incompetent,” King told CNN, “We are not going to allow Ted Cruz to hijack this party.”

Losing Hand, Bah!

On top of which, this one-horse pony will fall hard by refusing to admit defeat, nor learn from failure: “The American people rose up and spoke with an overwhelming voice,” he bellowed with no link to “outer” reality. Nor will Cruz prosper when all sorts of idiotic threats come forth, such as from the Values Voter Summit: “We’re nearing the edge of a cliff, and our window to turn things around, my friends, I don’t think it is long. I don’t think it is 10 years. We have a couple of years to turn the country around or we go off the cliff to oblivion.” Into oblivion is where Cruz is going headlong as a national leader.

Before oblivion, we shall all be saved, however, according to Cruz’ extremist evangelical pastor-father. That preacher humbly anointed his son the anointed one to redeem America. In his honor, let’s join in, with a stirring anthem in which holy warriors are permanent soldiers, for life is war. Not to worry: victory is assured for “at the sign of triumph” Satan’s host does flee, just like Cruz’ growing troops of enemies.

Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
with the cross of Jesus going on before.
Christ, the royal Master, leads against the foe;
forward into battle see his banners go!

At the sign of triumph Satan's host doth flee;
on then, Christian soldiers, on to victory!
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.