Written by Jim Peterson   

Obama launches daring life-saving effort
for the Republican Party.

After the damage they had taken in the last election, the Republican Party was on the verge of extinction, and their Teabag intransigence was pushing them ever-closer to their inevitable end.

Fortunately, Obama recognized this clear and present danger and has managed to avert it. By throwing them the lifeline of proposals to cut Social Security and Medicare, he has bravely taken on the role of villain on the national stage, and is busy luring the posse away from the unfortunate Republicans whom they were about to lynch.

God Bless President Obama! He has saved the 1% from distressing inconvenience while taking the positive steps necessary to ensure that the excess elderly population reduces itself humanely through dietary deficiencies and withholding of medical care.

What genius, what profoundly complex n-dimensional chess the man plays!

Come, let us celebrate with catfood potluck feasts to be held under the bridges across America.

In case you're wondering what brand of catfood to bring, we are honoring the Chained CPI (Catfood Price Index) and therefore recommend Walmart Great Value (TM).