Pick ‘em – Romney, Robot or Vampire?
Two verse satires, a call by me and a response by Paul Kibble, were spawned after these words in my column last week: “All in all, Romney works as political vampire, the bloodless fiend who gets vitality by predating the life force from less affluent victims. Just as vulture capitalism feeds off hemorrhaging companies, Romney campaigns like a spider, ready to pounce, anesthetize, then suck the life out of foes.” I hope you enjoy them as much as we enjoyed writing, then tinkering with them. --RB
Robot, Lesser of Two Evils
By Robert Becker
Is rule by robot the worst of fates?
Assuming our richest with estates,
Robber barons we know by name,
Will pull the power strings of fame.
At least humanoids will control,
With greedy treasures to patrol;
Don’t they claim humane genes
That sense pain – unlike prowling fiends?
Behold this greatest Romney fear,
That scorn of species drives his sneer;
That we’ll endure a vampire’s touch,
Fat, easy marks with necks to clutch.
Bland whiteness spells anemic blood,
Beyond a heart hardened with crud;
Worse than bankers without bankroll
Are bloodied ghouls denuded of soul.
Which one to rule, or join our berth,
As we circumnavigate this earth –
A shyster grasping one’s last dollar
Or grinning bloodsucker at our collar?
Had all of us our White House druthers,
We’d take the robot, flee worse others;
Who’d forego the programmed machine,
Over vampires fond of human protein?
Yet what if Mitt’s a vampire-bot,
Who sucks the life we’ve still got?
Elections refute vile plutocrats,
But not cursed, famished hellcats.
Dread not Romney’s “Mormon cult,”
Nor foul uproar from Rove’s tumult;
For vampires bite like no mosquito,
Fear this predator drone, incognito.
By Paul Kibble
How oft ‘tis said : ”Damn, Mitt, you suck!”
But woncha know it's our dumb luck --
Jonesing for our throat as midnight snack,
The LDS spawn of thirsty Count Drac.
He’ll con dumb voters, he’ll bleed ‘em dry.
A slick Etch-A-Sketch “Reg’lur Guy” --
“Corporations? Friends, it’s plain to see
They’re people, folks, like you, like me.”
He drained blood banks while Bain's chief biter,
Yet crony hustlers awe this White Knighter,
Sweet savior of the buyout boom,
Who rescued losers from certain doom!
But scrutiny shows mystery
When matching myth against history,
This “job creator” inspired by God --
Turns out to be a world-class fraud.
But worse! A fright ne’er seen before
Lies ‘neath this mien a bat-winged bore;
Gears mesh, wires gleam, levers snap in place:
A dreadful droid with a humanoid face!
Behold this high-tech mecha vamp,
Hemo-globe golem, robo-fanged champ,
True Blood meets Transformers, a scary mix
That no cleansing sunlight could e’er nix.
“He’s dull, he’s dead, he’ll do no harm
We know he’ll lose to Barry’s charm,”
So goes the chant liberals cheer --
Where Reason reigns, there’s naught to fear.
Beware, my friends, like lambs to slaughter,
You’ve thrown Bainster out with the bath water.
Such haste short-shrifts this Undead’s might
Whose bat-rabid bark marks with bionic bite.
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