Ego and drama limited me to performing for others. Needing external social and cultural acceptance prevented me from creating my performing for and with myself. I began my life in oppositional defiance to the female gender, I was a "tom-boy". Then I tried to "belong" as a female, always being mystified by what seemed to be feminine charm, feminity. I started breaking free from social and cultural identities, and this freed up my energies and allowed me to exist for and with my self. This emerging identity, call it my own unique femalenesss, etc., now "performs" for me. This is a kind of confidence that has been earned by risking to go beyond what is considered to be politically correct, especially embracing what is uniquely and instinctually and intuitively intimate to me: my dark "side" as well as my light "side".

I have dared to consider what others want to deny exists, and for that I have been branded an "inconvenient female", called "Mr. Todish", been banned by academic associations, thoroughly dehumanized, demonized and, though it is practically impossible to prove it, I may even be the subject of a witch hunt, or worse. Instead of remaining emotionally defensive and reactive I have, whenever, and wherever possible, begun to be PURPOSEFULLY, instead of unawaredly, obnoxious, in fact I have begun putting the groundwork in place for an OBNOXIOUSNESS OLYMPICS!

Since it seems like just about everything and everybody is obnoxious these days,(granted the majority of people,or more accurately,"sheeple", want to deny that obnoxiousness is what we take for "civility" today) from negative political ads, to all advertising, and just about all communication, I have decided to try to COMMODIFY obnoxiousness and turn it into a substitute for money! Imagine who will have the advantage in this kind of obnoxiousness: those who have embraced their DARK SIDES! Those who have DENIED their DARK SIDES would be "penniless"! What exquisite justice that would be!

Those who welcome their dark sides as an essential electric type "currentcy" will have "cornered" this new "energy-commodity-utility" and will be able to "market" it as "holding companies" that others can buy "stock" in. Only those with their dark energy sides freely "outed" would be considered as "transformer- performers" in life, whereas all others would be considered apprentices, performers-in-training.

But seriously,though,I HAVE tried to transcend performance while trying to be within the acceptable, politically correct boundaries of social, cultural norms (except when and if the most rudimentary physical core of my being is immediately and absolutely,instead of relatively, i.e., dramatically, at risk) and THAT IS A POOR EXCUSE FOR LIFE, IMHO! All the money, all the awards, all the adoration in and of the world, is worhless if you have to deny any part of you, because when you deny your dark side, you deny part of your confidence! When you allow your entire self to emerge, then you can bring that entire self to any and all of your life performance!

With this complete confidence, then you can evolve. This next step in evolutionary development may be transcending performance altogether, and all identity, as well: race, gender, ethnicity, religion, etc. In other words, you become so confident that you want a challenge instead of wanting identity, etc. Of course for this to be an optimal challenge, namely the "OBNOXIOUSNESS OLYMPICS", there first, out of necessity, must be basic existence for all "entrants", where the basic necessities of life are present. Without basic necessities any identity at all, and any intent is premature because instead of having existence, existence HAS you, your identity, your intent, etc.