Ten Signs Your Leggings Are Not Pants
Sunday, 02 April 2017 06:45
Are you unsure whether the leggings you’re wearing will qualify as pants for United Airlines check-in? Here are ten signs that they will not pass muster for that or any other fashion police scrutiny.
- We can read the name of the week on the fanny of your underpants through them.
- Your waistband has converted your muffin top into three bagels and another part of your anatomy into two scones.
- The color of your leggings starts out black at your ankles, but by the time they reach your thighs, they’re light gray with beige undertones.
- We can count the hairs at the first letter of that place where the Village People thought it was fun to stay.
- You don’t need to bend over for us to see your plumber’s butt.
- You had to pull so hard to get them on that they are now footless, but they didn’t start out that way.
- Honey Boo Boo’s fan club elected you president and you aren’t even a member.
- Your thighs are still jiggling like Jell-O five minutes after you sit down.
- We’re actually grateful that you wore a thong underneath them.
- Your smart phone refuses to take a full-body selfie of you and the Geek Squad can’t find a technical explanation.
If you can answer ‘yes’ to any of these criteria, best to change into a pair of blue jeans before you leave for the airport. Or else put on a long tunic from Omar the Tentmaker’s latest fashion catalog. You might find last season’s styles on sale at Walmart.
Copyright 2017 Elaine M. Decker
Article by Elaine M. Decker
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