Forget police and civil and criminal law, in my family my older brother, Frank, IS THE LAW! I was always bullied by my older brother, Frank. Then that became the pattern for the rest of my life. I realize now that I was the one that chose that pattern. Of course as a child I had little if any knowledge about how to deal with the family bullying. I guess I just got(or allowed myself to get) stuck into this bullying pattern.

Well, I have finally broken free, by saying farewell to the sentimentality involved in "family. In fact I have said "good bye" to the sentimentality of all SERIOUSNESS everywhere. I refuse to even take seriously what is involved in all material excess. Now I just live in the present and as long as my present is one of comfort, at least I can be sure that I am now free from BULLYING MYSELF!

So, I have finally removed myself from the bullying
family "contract" that I was born into as an unwilling participant. Better late than never! lol I see the connection now between that bullying family "contract" and all of my relationships. I know that, for me at least I have agreed to extending that family bullying contract into my own FAMILY OF MAN bullying contract. I expected everyone to bully me just like my brothe did and Presto! I achieved a self fulfilling prophecy! I victimized myself!

I finally have realized what I was doing, and now I am, for the first time, perhaps, my own agent making a new contract with myself! I finally am only going where it is warm, in terms of refusing to be around bullies anymore, although an all year round warmer climate (I'm in Nanjing China) is appealing now more than ever to me, too. But, the problem is, I see bullies everywhere, still. Perhaps all of civilization is built upon bullying: especially the bullying of self repression. Perhaps almost all of civilization is self and other bullying repression.

I was so so repressed, I may have may loved my repression and perhaps I mistook repression for life itself! For me, my repression started with "THE FAMILY". Then I accepted more repression, like political correctness. Because I went public about my own family bullying I was quickly disowned. Now, though I am dis owning the family and as much as possible, civilization itself, because I reject repression and as much as it is possible I EXPRESS now instead of REPRESS, thanks to RSN.org, etc. Wish I could help out more than just by writing, RSN.org, but I would be BULLYING myself again if I contributed, because I hardly have enough money for me! But I hope others find themselves in a position to help rsn.org, so that I can continue to EXPRESS myself here!

The antidote to MY repression is IMAGINATION. CONSCIOUSNESS. Previously I replaced my IMAGINATION with sentimentality in the form of traditions, rituals and customs, namely my family, racial, gender, ethnic, relious, etc., IDENTITIES

I suppose that when I used or expressed ANY imagination, consciousness, etc., it was a kind of a threat to my family especially, because with imagination, etc., I was upsetting family EXPECTATIONS. But, whenever I conformed to my families' expectations, there was an emptiness, a hollow feeling as if I was PERFORMING these expectations in a kind of EXTERNAL PERFORMANCE OF LIFE. Instead with imagination and consciousness (soul, spirit, etc.,) Now I AM my experiences, instead of PERFORMING my families EXPECTATIONS. Guess that this EXPERIENCING subverts my families' expectations, so I say now SUBVERSION IS MY FAMILY!

Being subversive through imagination frees me thoguh it may treaten my families'sentimentality and everything they base their meaning upon, but I refuse to be a MARTYR to sentimentality, and if it means I am the blak sheep of my family, sobeit. And even if I am, or become the BLACKEST SHEEP of the entire FAMILY OF MAN, that is OK with me, too, because I AM my own UNSENTIMENTAL FAMILY TO MYSELF! If this threatens all of civilization, because it implies the reality that instead of HAVING civilization at all, CIVILIZATION, especially the repression of civilization, HAS YOU, than You can all HAVE the sentimenality of the family of man, I prefer me! Of course, if someone, anyone can revel som benefits to ANY sentimentality, I would certainly listen to it and consider it, but ONLY if it meant I could retain, maintain, and/or enhance MY present existence. This is highly unlikely, though because I seldom even get ONE (1) comment to any of my articles lol!

So, unless and until I find something better, I guess I will just continue on my PERSONAL (relative) SLEEP STRIKE, ( I awake sometimes, I even teach, writ, etc.,) because I am so exhausted by the bullying (symbolical to actual violence) that goes on in the world, that I NEED a lot of sleep. I may even be in my bedsleeping now, because this MAY be being written by a hologram! lol