Chick-fil-A Christians Boycotting the NFL

Carl Gibson, Reader Supported News

07 August 12

ou never see as many self-proclaimed Christians line sidewalks to go volunteer at a homeless shelter or food bank or soup kitchen as we saw line up to get into Chick-fil-A on August 1. And that's something Jesus actually said Christians should do.

Christians are busy citing Leviticus 18:22 as a reason they oppose homosexuality as much as they do, so, obviously, the best way to reach these "Christians" is to quote Leviticus back at them. Specifically, Leviticus 11:8, the part that says the carcass of a pig is unclean and that it's a sin to touch it. Which means that logically, any sport that involves the throwing and catching of a ball made of pigskin is an unclean and sinful sport, and no true gay-hating Christian should approve of it. I'm sure Mike Huckabee is organizing an NFL boycott for all Christians this season.

And while they're at it, they should boycott Red Lobster, since the same book that says homosexuality is a sin says it's also a sin to eat seafood that doesn't have fins or scales. According Leviticus 11:10, eating shellfish is an abomination just as being gay is an abomination. I fully expect Chick-fil-A Christians to be outside of every Red Lobster in America calling out the sinners for eating unclean food of the sea.

Christians will really have their hands full with the law if they're as steadfastly obedient of the fifth book of God's Word, Deuteronomy, as they are of Leviticus, the third. Because Deuteronomy 21: 18-21 demands that parents of rebellious children should take their kids out in public and throw big rocks at them until they die. So the next time your daughter goes out and doesn't call you when she gets to her destination despite her saying she would, I would expect a true Chick-fil-A Christian to assemble a lynch mob with stones in hand waiting for the unruly child when she gets home.

But there is a bright side to Chick-fil-A Christiandom, because Leviticus 19:19 expressly forbids the planting of different kinds of seeds on the same plot of land as much as it forbids homosexuality. This means after the Chick-fil-A Christians are done with their sub-par chicken sandwiches, they'll obviously protest Monsanto, which makes a killing (literally) by genetically modifying seeds. I'm sure the Chick-fil-A Christians, being so steadfastly obedient to the book of Leviticus, would gladly work with us in stopping the agribusiness giant from ruining endless fields of crops, right?

Though something tells me not to hold my breath for the Chick-fil-A Christians to follow any other parts of the Bible that aren't convenient for them. The NFL is America's national pastime. We all love to eat tasty crustaceans. Some of us have our herb gardens and our vegetable gardens in the same patch of dirt. And none of us like stoning our kids to death. Some parts of the Bible are outdated and shouldn't be followed literally. And my dad, a Methodist preacher, agrees with me on that.

So all you Chick-fil-A Christians, you can stop calling gay people sinners. All of you sin just as much, if not way more, than gay people, according to the book of Leviticus. And unless Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy has ever bludgeoned one of his offspring to death with rocks when they refused to clean their room, I recommend he judge not, and refrain from casting the first stone. The only "family unit" that matters is one where parents love and provide for their children, regardless of the parents' gender or sexual preference. If you really want to wear your religion on your sleeve, put down the waffle fries and start protesting the murdering of innocent Pakistanis by drone strikes, and tell the Israeli army to allow the Palestinians to have some food and water, at the very least. Jesus would totally high-five you for that.

All that being said, my sincerest wish as a chicken-loving Southerner is that everyone would stop making eating fried chicken a political or religious statement. Fried chicken didn't do anything to us except be really delicious. If you don't like Chick-fil-A, go to Church's. And if you don't like gay marriage, don't get one.

Carl Gibson, 25, is co-founder of US Uncut, a nationwide creative direct-action movement that mobilized tens of thousands of activists against corporate tax avoidance and budget cuts in the months leading up to the Occupy Wall Street movement. Carl and other US Uncut activists are featured in the documentary "We're Not Broke," which premiered at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival. He currently lives in Old Lyme, Connecticut. You can contact Carl at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , and listen to his online radio talk show, Swag The Dog, at blogtalkradio.com/swag-the-dog.

Reader Supported News is the Publication of Origin for this work. Permission to republish is freely granted with credit and a link back to Reader Supported News.