RSN Fundraising Banner
FB Share
Email This Page
add comment
Print

Borowitz writes: "Millions of Americans on Wednesday demanded that Donald J. Trump's personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, issue them checks in the amount of $130,000 for not having sex with Trump."

Millions of Americans clamored to be compensated for abstaining from sex with Trump. (photo: Mait Juriado/Getty Images)
Millions of Americans clamored to be compensated for abstaining from sex with Trump. (photo: Mait Juriado/Getty Images)


Millions of Americans Demand $130,000 for Not Having Sex With Trump

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

18 February 18

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."


illions of Americans on Wednesday demanded that Donald J. Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, issue them checks in the amount of $130,000 for not having sex with Trump.

After Cohen revealed that he had issued such a check to Stormy Daniels, a porn star who he claims never had intimate relations with his client, there was widespread outrage among other Americans who had also not had sex with Trump but had not been paid for not doing so.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for Stormy Daniels,” Tracy Klugian, a florist in Santa Rosa, California, said. “I just want my check, too.”

Harland Dorrinson, a bank teller in Akron, Ohio, said that he had already e-mailed Cohen to demand payment. “I have never come close to having sex with Trump, and that should be worth something,” he said. “Specifically, $130,000.”

But, even as millions of Americans clamored to be compensated for abstaining from sex with Cohen’s client, others, like Carol Foyler, of Tallahassee, Florida, took a different view. “Never having sex with Donald Trump should be a reward in itself,” she said.


e-max.it: your social media marketing partner
Email This Page

 

THE NEW STREAMLINED RSN LOGIN PROCESS: Register once, then login and you are ready to comment. All you need is a Username and a Password of your choosing and you are free to comment whenever you like! Welcome to the Reader Supported News community.

RSNRSN