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Borowitz writes: "In a new poll conducted on Wednesday, a sweeping majority of Americans said they support moving Donald J. Trump to Jerusalem."

Donald Trump. (photo: Mandel Ngan/Getty)
Donald Trump. (photo: Mandel Ngan/Getty)


Broad Majority of Americans Support Moving Trump to Jerusalem

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

07 December 17

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."


n a new poll conducted on Wednesday, a sweeping majority of Americans said they support moving Donald J. Trump to Jerusalem.

The sixty-three per cent of survey respondents who approved relocating Trump to Jerusalem placed few conditions on such a move, other than that it take place “as soon as possible” and that it be “permanent.”

In other poll results, an overwhelming majority of respondents said that they would support relocating Trump to any number of other foreign destinations, including Russia, the Philippines, and “that station where scientists live at the South Pole.”

Though Americans were strongly enthusiastic about moving Trump to Jerusalem, in a rare consensus both Arabs and Israelis vehemently opposed the move.


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+20 # Rodion Raskolnikov 2017-12-07 16:08
No! Not Al Quds. It is the capital of Palestine and always will be. Trump would be a fish out of water there. Send him to Tel Aviv where he can pal around with his zionist friends. Keep Al Quds Palestinian. Ban Trump.
 
 
+50 # Wise woman 2017-12-07 17:11
I'm so happy that a majority of Americans agree with me. Sometimes I feel like a lone wolf out there. Trouble is, shipping him off somewhere is bound to make those people unhappy and provide us with more enemies than we already have. It's a problem alright.
 
 
+36 # BetaTheta 2017-12-07 20:24
A couple of possibilities: The Moon, which I hear is quite sparsely populated, or Somalia. The latter is, of course, the Libertarian paradise, with virtually no government whatsoever. Come think of it, he can take the Kochs with him. They'll love it.
 
 
+17 # kgrad 2017-12-08 05:30
Quoting Wise woman:
I'm so happy that a majority of Americans agree with me. Sometimes I feel like a lone wolf out there. Trouble is, shipping him off somewhere is bound to make those people unhappy and provide us with more enemies than we already have. It's a problem alright.


Rest assured that you are not a lone wolf! I howl with you!!
 
 
+25 # librarian1984 2017-12-07 19:02
Philadelphia had a decent protest for net neutrality today. About a hundred people showed up and there was a lot of interest from people walking by. The police were there and they were cool.

One group is taking a bus to DC on Dec. 14th when the FCC votes.
 
 
+22 # Texas Aggie 2017-12-08 00:17
Also in the news, the Palestinians have recognized Mexico's claim on much of the American southwest.
 
 
+23 # Dale 2017-12-08 07:35
My private poll asking the same question said the grand majority favored dumping Trump in a mountain Valley in Afghanistan.
 
 
+30 # futhark 2017-12-08 08:05
Donald Trump is clearly an extremely disabled person. He needs compassion and professional care to treat his many, many dysfunctional personality traits, without which the chances of him being integrated into society as a valued, productive member are very, very slim. Trust me on this one.

What is the state of psychiatric care in Israel? Is it available to foreigners without cost? Could Mr. Trump be legally compelled to enroll in such a program? Do the Israelis really want a delusional oaf with no professional or demonstrable social skills in their country? Do they want to pay for his therapy? Just leaving him off at an airport somewhere, be it in Tel Aviv or Mogadishu seem to be attractive prospects from the American point of view, but is it ethical to dump our intellectual and emotional garbage on other countries? Mr. Trump has called Israel America's greatest ally, but how long would they remain friendly if they had to put up with and care for him 24/7?
 
 
+5 # Working Class 2017-12-08 11:46
Great observations Futhark. Given a choice of being bombed by the US or having to live with Trump in their midst I believe most civilized populations would pick the former.
 
 
+8 # Salus Populi 2017-12-08 09:04
I realize he's somewhat long in the tooth and short in most other aspects such as personality, but my own opinion is that HASA should make an exception and choose him to be among the pioneering first group of astronauts to colonize Mars. So that he would not be lonely or unable to survive the rigors of not having everything handed to him on a silver plate, we could send the Forbes 400 along with him; then, in order to protect them from future irate colonists, blow up the transport they rocketed in on.
 
 
+7 # VoxFox 2017-12-08 10:31
Dump the Trump anywhere as long as it far away and non-returnable,
 
 
+8 # Kootenay Coyote 2017-12-08 11:20
But isn’t there a dietary restriction against Andy’s proposal?
 
 
+8 # Jim Young 2017-12-08 23:55
The only way I'd support sending him to the South Pole is if we offered to take in any and all refugees from Antarctica that would want to leave.
 
 
+4 # elkingo 2017-12-10 01:49
Everybody knows how crazy/bad/evil he is, and we're all in denial. Even satire obscures the fact. That's how bad it is.
 

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