Senator Aqua Buddha (Rand Paul) Finds the Bill of Rights

By Charles Pierce, Esquire

27 July 14

enator Aqua Buddha dropped by the Urban League conference in Cincinnati today to show how down he is with the Bill of Rights, and how Dr. King's dream is his as well. First, though, he'd like to clear up some misconceptions.

In an acknowledgment of what was perhaps the biggest cloud hanging over his visit, Mr. Paul delicately touched on the controversy over his 2010 comments in which he suggested that the Civil Rights Act of 1964 encroached on individual liberties. On Friday, the senator said his support for the act was unequivocal, echoing comments he has made repeatedly since 2010. And he also said he wanted to see a greater role for the federal government in enforcing a second landmark civil rights bill, the Voting Rights Act of 1965. "Not only do I support the Civil Rights act and the Voting Rights Act," he said, "I'm a Republican who wants to restore a federal role for the government in the Voting Rights Act."

Well, now that is precious. This is a guy who, up until a year ago, had a guy working for him whose secret identity was as a neo-Confederate called The Southern Avenger, and who got all tangled up talking to kindly Doc Maddow until he seemed to come out against the provisions of the 1964 Civil Rights Act that allowed black people to eat at whatever lunch counter was open. Now, we are to believe that the scales have fallen from his eyes altogether and that he is now where decent people were on this subject in 1966. Thank god-almighty, he's free at last.

4:57...4:58...4:59...

Back when the Shelby County case was handed down, and the Voting Rights Act gutted, Aqua Buddha didn't see what all the fuss was about.

"The interesting thing about voting patterns now is in this last election African-Americans voted at a higher percentage than whites in almost every one of the states that were under the special provisions of the federal government," Paul said Wednesday according to WFPL's Phillip Bailey. "So really, I don't think there is objective evidence that we're precluding African-Americans from voting any longer."

Now, almost a year closer to the Iowa caucuses, he "wants to restore a federal role for the government in the Voting Rights Act," whatever in god's name that means, since the Voting Rights Act is a federal law and, therefore, a "federal role for the government" in the act is rather understood. If Aqua Buddha wants to overturn Shelby County, and put teeth back into the enforcement procedures, he should propose a bill to that effect. At the moment, his entire New Conservative Vision on voting rights is to caution Republicans not to be so vocal about their voter-suppression efforts, a few tepid comments in favor of early voting, and some decent work trying to re-enfranchise non-violent felons in Kentucky when they are released. Now, we are to believe that the scales have fallen from his eyes altogether and he is now walking in spirit with John Lewis over the Edmund Pettus Bridge.

It's two years away, and I can already see what the biggest question is going to be in regards to the Republican primary field. Is Paul Ryan the Flim and Aqua Buddha the Flam, or is it the other way around?