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Borowitz writes: "Russian President Vladimir Putin said today that gay spectators should feel welcome at the upcoming Winter Olympics but warned them against 'any flamboyant displays that draw unnecessary attention to themselves.'"

Russian President Vladimir Putin. (photo: unknown)
Russian President Vladimir Putin. (photo: unknown)


Putin Warns Gays Against Flamboyant Displays at Olympics

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

23 January 14

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

ussian President Vladimir Putin said today that gay spectators should feel welcome at the upcoming Winter Olympics but warned them against "any flamboyant displays that draw unnecessary attention to themselves."

"The Olympics have always been, and should always be, about the athletes," President Putin said. "Any attempt by homosexuals to flaunt their bodies in a way that is distracting, provocative, or arousing will be frowned upon."

"Specifically, gay spectators should remain fully clothed at all times, and resist the temptation to unveil their chiseled biceps or shredded abdominals," he said.

"Furthermore," he added, "under no circumstances should gays oil, grease, or otherwise lubricate their torsos in an effort to highlight their glistening, ripped pectorals."

He closed his remarks with one final warning for gay spectators in Sochi: "Remember, this is the Olympics. It is strictly forbidden for you to expose your thighs, buttocks, or especially your nipples, erect from the frigid Russian air."

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Comments   

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+28 # treadlightly 2014-01-23 15:53
Putin is known in certain ultra private late night hotspots as "Vlad the Impaler"
Oh no you di-unt.
 
 
+33 # Billy Bob 2014-01-23 16:22
He further stated that any gay men trying to arouse him with their glistening pecs and perky nipples will receive a severe tongue lashing and personal spanking from Putin himself.
 
 
+9 # Above God 2014-01-24 01:17
Putin Known For Going Shirtless Is one To Talk About Erect Nipples.
 
 
+5 # Billy Bob 2014-01-24 08:07
Oh! Behave!
 
 
+2 # JJS 2014-01-24 05:43
Where is the Andy Borowitz disclaimer* for this article???

*"The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselli ng author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report.""

So this is NOT satire, or just not TOTALLY satire?
 
 
+3 # intheEPZ 2014-01-24 06:40
So this is NOT satire, or just not TOTALLY satire?
Oh, Please!
 
 
+1 # NAVYVET 2014-01-24 06:45
The comments are as witty as the satire! OR IS IT FOR REAL? Good question, folks. I love the photo!! Tell us, please--is it enhanced? Appears to be genuine, but I do graphics and know how easy it is to fake a portion of a photo.
 
 
+4 # cwbystache 2014-01-24 07:42
Oh I'm gonna give him such a pinch!
 
 
-18 # Johnny 2014-01-24 10:50
Every time I start to reach for my checkbook to send a couple hundred to RSN, it runs some State Department propaganda like Borowitz--and I put the checkbook away again.
 
 
+11 # Billy Bob 2014-01-24 12:28
huh?
 
 
+7 # JackB 2014-01-24 15:55
If you don't want to contribute then don't but dumb-ass excuses in an attempt to appear righteous do not have the effect I assume you are looking for.
 
 
+3 # The Voice of Reason 2014-01-24 19:37
They should arrest all gay people and throw them in prison. That will teach them not to have anal sex with other men!
 
 
+3 # jsluka 2014-01-25 01:27
Quoting The Voice of Reason:
They should arrest all gay people and throw them in prison. That will teach them not to have anal sex with other men!

This statement is satire, so don't foolishly flame it!
 

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